To have walked out last night?

You drove him to a venue, went back and fetched him and cooked a meal for him and mostly his family and he tells you it looks fucking shit. I'd have gone into the lounge and told everyone there was no food as the prince amongst men had deemed it looks fucking shit and asked them to leave and take him with them

Are you being unreasonable!! FFS Op imagine you’re reading this thread started by someone else. What would your response be… YANBU obviously. If you need reassurance that you did absolutely nothing wrong then your marriage has more problems that you think it does.b
Where were your in Laws and his sons and your DD while he was hurling this abuse around. No man would ever speak to my mother like that. I don’t care who they are!. Also there’s no way I’d allow my son to speak to his wife that either or to put the boot on the foot I wouldn’t allow my Daughter to speak to her partner in such an abusive manner. I’d be embarrassed!!!.
Thinks he’s the Mr Big. He’d go down like a sack of spuds if a bloke corned and chinned him
Also what was that about What you’ve done is unforgivable in a marriage!! All that over salad.
He should be a Oscar award winning Actor.

To be honest I feel very sorry for your daughter in all this. Your husband is clearly a manipulative, nasty man yet you’re over here blaming yourself. wtf?

To an outsider he clearly had the self-awareness to say these things to you alone, hidden from the others. He knew not to say that shit in front of other people. He wasn’t that drunk, he knew exactly what boundaries to not cross. He sounds like he had a day with the lads where he was probably bitching about you the entire time, and felt emasculated for whatever reason that you were home all day and didn’t have things perfect for his family.

You’re not thinking rationally right now. You’re trying to think of all the problems with leaving as opposed to the benefits. You’re trying to tell yourself it’s not bad enough to leave? For me, I don’t know your relationship but from what you have shared, he doesn’t respect you.

Who cares if your new home is small or doesn’t have much space for your daughter - she will just be happy you’re not trapped in a relationship where you feel forced to leave overnight. The extra space wasn’t of any benefit to her when she was stuck in the house with her step family including a man that’s just been vile to her mother.

What an absolute pig. You hosted his in laws and children, drove them to the races and back, presumably entertained his mother during the day, cooked 2 different evening meals and this is the abuse he hurls at you? You need to leave this man. The fact that he still thinks he's in the right is unbelievable. As youve told his mother, do you think she'll knock some strips off him?

PP have already said this - but this is NOT the part that's missing - 'you articulating it well enough'.
The bit missing is the bit where he actually cares how you feel.

@cherrypumpkin

Many many years ago I told my abusive exH to leave. He refused and told me to 'get out'. I pointed out that the house we rented belonged to friends of my grandparents (and indeed was next door to them) and asked him who he thought would be staying if I told them I wanted him out. He left.

Figure out if you can afford the current rent you are paying. If so, then speak to your friend. Tell her the way he is treating you, that you can afford the current rent, and ask if she will help you get rid of him.

He is an utter cunt.

Well it's a relief that he's not your daughter's father. You won't have to ever see him again. There is no point in explaining to him. The scales won't suddenly fall from his eyes and he will suddenly realise he was a ranting obscene bully. I imagine this will only get worse. I think you should do whatever you need to do to get away from him or rather get him out of the house.

You feel this way because he will be gaslighting you and twisting your words. He is absolutely committed to not understanding or caring about what you say. The conversation will be pointless. I have watched my dad do this to my mum her whole life. She now barely speaks in his presence because she has lost all confidence in her ability to communicate. It's heartbreaking.
Please don't let this be you.

There are charities that will temporarily house pets when women are fleeing from domestic abuse. The Dogs Trust is just one example https://www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/freedom

Which is exactly why you shouldn't try and articulate anything to him. Save your breath. You owe him less than nothing. He knows he's out of order. You explaining to him won't miraculously make him see the error of his ways. Try not to think about obstacles in your way that prevent you from leaving but instead look at what is feasible. A live-in job as a Housekeeper with separate accommodation provided, for instance. Leave him to it. He won't change. He's vile.

You say he has form?

Leave him. Have a wonderful 2025 without him.

Really bizarre behaviour from him. Especially if it was completely out of the blue.
Did something happen at the races? Lose a lot of money?

Honestly, I can't believe he spoke to you like that in all seriousness. I can't even begin to imagine a world where my DH would say something like that to me.

The pull is they do not act like that in the first few years then it’s a slight off maybe a shove accidentally or a swear word at you and it’s deflected as banter and you let it slide till it’s too late as your 2-3 kids down and a mortgage and most don’t have any job (my aunt) or your wages are taken by him because he sorts the money (me) it’s a slow escalation like a boiling frog

I wouldn’t have cared who was there. I’d have said “do what? Cunt. Chop your own cunting salad”. Then I’d have fucked off out. I really feel for you OP x

Ok for the short term foster the dogs out and leave to a house share. Your daughter is an adult and will have to find her own house share for the time being . I know this is harsh but it’s reality

your husband is escalating and it’ll only get worse not better

I don't doubt it - l used to have one like that

Your friends will have seen through him. Mine did. And my family.

Tell him to fuck right off. He's a wanker and you deserve better.

How long have you been together, OP? Has he always been like this? He sounds awful and I can't fathom why you're putting up with it. Drunk or not he's nasty and abusive. He was picking a fight and trying to put you in your place but cunning enough not to do it in front of others. There is no love or respect there.

Can you talk to your friend & landlady to end the current tenancy and reinstate it with only you on it? I guess he will go apeshit. Get support, be strong.

Verbally abusive and gaslighting you. I would be making plans to leave permanently. It’s completely unacceptable behaviour.