DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

Why do you only have to say yes? You can reply honestly as to what you felt. It doesn't have to be as extreme as going shit. There is an in-between. It could be possible that something irritated him or you or something was particularly nice. We all do that within a family, share/recap opinions and feelings.

Perfectly normal and nice conversation to have. And kind.

How odd to get irked by this.

My DH has also asks me a few times, usually giving me a hug and just seeking reassurance that I’ve had a lovely Christmas. Strangely, given how much I/we have to do to get the house ready for visiting family and all the present buying that usually lands at my feet, he tends to be concerned that the stress and business might not have been compensated for in how ‘lovely’ Christmas was and worries that I’ve not had a good time. I tend to see it as a caring and loving thing.

If you bite his head off every time he asks, then I can only assume that you are telegraphing your annoyance and irked-ness in other ways. Feel rather sorry for your DH tbh.

I would ask this so as to check in with others. It’s so sad that you are reading such bad faith into it

Jesus I’m all for calling out shitty behaviour in men but the poor guy can’t even ask if you’ve enjoyed your Christmas without you getting irritated?

Agree with others, it sounds like it’s a genuine attempt to initiate a reflective conversation about what you enjoyed, remind of any bits you meant to chat about when it’s over etc (“I meant to say, when you were in the kitchen with Bob, Betty told me she’s booked a surprise sky-dive for his 40th, can’t wait to see his reaction…. etc”)

We have this!

"Have you cheeseboarded it?" When the other person clearly needs to decompress.

Really? Wow… we talk about this all the time! A mandatory de-brief when everyone gone home! My husband is literally my best gossip buddy, so I’m honestly surprised you’re annoyed that he’s asking about this. Yes, I had a lovely Christmas, BUT DID YOU HEAR what the 5th cousin of Auntie Jane said to their sibling about X? And let’s not forget how Uncle Bob tried to pass off his store-bought pie as homemade—everyone knew! Same goes for evenings out, honestly. I’ll never get bored of it—who’s dating who, who said what, and all the little drama in between.

Definitely agree that your husband is looking for connection and to enjoy 're-living' the best bits with you or to check in if anything made you unhappy etc.

But I do also understand your need to process things and feeling tired. We have a code word / phrase (weird I know but borne out of a day when things were a bit fraught). When I'm tired or grumpy or whatever I just say can we chat tomorrow as I'm knackered and 'having a crumpet day' or whatever weird phrase. It lets the other person know that you would like the connection but now is not the right time.

If my Dp asked me, I would say “Awaah yeah I did, I had a lovely day, wasn’t it nice to see xxx or do xxx, did you enjoy dinner? I really like the gravy, it was my favourite part of dinner, how about you?…and so the conversation continues

If you aren't showing it, it's reasonable for him to check in in how you're feeling.

I think you are vbu over this.

I also see it as a conversation starter.
For example: Yes I loved our time in York. Next time however I want to go to Betty’s no matter how long we have to queue. I also wish I had bought those boots I was looking at.
Or, have you had a good day at work: Not really the new boss I was telling you about has been a complete twat today. Made me attend yet another pointless meeting. How was your day?

My husband and i ask each other this.
It usaully prompts you to say what you particularly liked or if something annoyed you etc.

Doesnt have to be a start of a big convo. So i think 'yes' is a bit of a short answer and being annoyed by it cause he was there.

this!…when I read things like this I think to myself “now I know why men don’t understand women! 🙄”

It might be better to word it as "did you enjoy yourself," but he sounds kind and thoughtful unlike many of the twat husbands on MN, unless we're missing some backstory like him not lifting a finger and you running yourself ragged during the festive period.

My DH does this on days where we have done lovely things and it's obvious we have both had a great day. But I think it's lovely that he asks and cares, it starts a conversation about the great thing we done and how we can't wait to do it again etc etc. I think you either have the ick or are just being a crank.

Just read this reply. Could you have a conversation with your husband about your need to process before having a conversation about your day?

You may both enjoy the conversation more if you started a routine of a chat after dinner / bath etc.

I ask my wife if she has had a nice day even if we have been together, I like to hear her observations etc as we have spent most of the day focused on kids or activities. It's similar to seeing something and thinking "I wonder if DW would like this", she's my favourite person.

Wow.

It was a bid for connection. You could have told his something specific your particularly enjoyed. And then asked him.
It was a little grumpy of you imo.

100% agree.

I ask my DH this because a) I genuinely care b) if he hasn’t I want to know if I can do anything to make things better. I’m really surprised you’re so unpleasant about it particularly given your updates of him pulling his weight…

You’re being very weird. What if some things had happened during the day like your mum griping at you or the like.. you’re not going to have a face on all day or talk about it openly, so he’s asking at the end of the day so you can vent if anything did go wrong being the scenes. I can’t even imagine at being offended by someone giving you the opportunity to vent if you need to. Poor man.

Are you easily irritated OP?

It could be praise seeking, it could just be chatting. Does he thank you / compliment you when you do things well? Do you do the same for him?

You say he likes to cook and makes christmas dinner but you don't like to gush about it.

Maybe he is reading your lack of gushing as him not quite getting it right?

Isn't it just manners to thank / find something nice to say when someone has spent hours preparing a meal?