Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

259 replies

RainbowDr0p · 27/12/2024 10:04

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 27/12/2024 10:53

I think being asked twice if you had a nice Christmas is weird. My husband and I only tend to ask that sort of question if the other wasn't there and then it's a more open ended "how was it?" Being asked if I'm having a nice time all the time would annoy me.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 27/12/2024 10:53

@RainbowDr0p your DH is trying to be nice, and re-live some of the Christmas magic moments! It's a nice thing to talk about.

Or perhaps you've been looking like you've got a mardy face on so he's trying to establish why it looks like you haven't had fun when he thought you had??

Stickortwigs · 27/12/2024 10:52

I do this! It’s a moment to quietly appreciate the nice, shared experiences after the day has calmed down.

SparklyHollow · 27/12/2024 10:52

I’m glad my husband didn’t ask me if I’d had a good Christmas, the answer sadly would have been a resounding no.

Osory · 27/12/2024 10:52

Sorry OP don't understand at all .. me and dh often ask each other have we enjoyed a day or evening after the fact.

Cherrysoup · 27/12/2024 10:51

Did you organise all the outings/think them up/book the panto/Pizzahut? Or did he? Probably key. I’d find it a bit odd that he asked, given he was with you. We might look back and recall how lovely a day was some months later, not immediately afterwards.

Nogaxeh · 27/12/2024 10:51

He's possibly checking in on you in case you've been biting your tongue and going along with things for his sake, but actually have been suffering in some way and could do with some help or someone to listen to you.

Or else he's phrasing a bland enough statement as a question somewhat out of insecurity.

Either way, I think you're being a bit harsh.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 27/12/2024 10:50

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 27/12/2024 10:08

Your angry because your DP asked if you had a nice day?
I don’t get it.

Same 😕

Mangocity · 27/12/2024 10:50

Sometimes people really can't do right for doing wrong. That is the most ridiculous aibu I have ever heard.

KnittyNell · 27/12/2024 10:49

RainbowDr0p · 27/12/2024 10:04

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

Poor men can’t do anything right these days! 🙄

FOJN · 27/12/2024 10:48

I don't think it matters that he was present for all the events you are describing. He might have enjoyed them but isn't treating you like an extension of him by assuming you did too so he's just asking.

You see able to tell him you need time to decompress when he asks about your day and you don't say that he gets annoyed by that so he seems to respect your boundaries too.

I think you need to give him credit for being interested in your life rather than being annoyed; that's just weird given that you are married.

Wheresthebeach · 27/12/2024 10:48

Wow...you're being unreasonable. Completely normal to ask.

Margorett · 27/12/2024 10:48

I do not wish to be rude, but suppose I am doing, but you sound a right odd bod ! Do you look for a negative in everything in the poor man?

SugarHeadache · 27/12/2024 10:47

Passwordsaremynemesis · 27/12/2024 10:44

Fucking hell, what a total bastard, you should leave him immediately!

🤣🤣

Agix · 27/12/2024 10:46

Jesus. It's just a bid for connection. He wants to talk to you and hear your thoughts. His choice of opening isnt even that bad. I agree with others, you sound like super hard work.

MissDoubleU · 27/12/2024 10:46

I think you’re seeing this as “small talk” where I think your husband is seeing it as checking in. He wants to be sure you’ve enjoyed it, id much rather this than he not check in at all.

My DP and I will do this when we’ve had a nice day together, just ask “have you had a nice day?” Because maybe I know I have, but just making sure you’ve also found it special and haven’t been disappointed by anything. It opens the conversation “Oh yes it’s been lovely, I did get a bit stressed at the market though, I’d rather skip that part next time”

ThatFluentTiger · 27/12/2024 10:46

This is the kind of thing I’d ask, just wanting to check in and confirm the day had genuinely been enjoyed, even if I’d been present and they seemed like they had been happy.
Unless there is some big backstory I think you’re being odd and really not very nice to get annoyed about this.

Passwordsaremynemesis · 27/12/2024 10:44

Fucking hell, what a total bastard, you should leave him immediately!

Dweetfidilove · 27/12/2024 10:44

Sweet heavens 😥

snowyglobe · 27/12/2024 10:41

Blimey, I can’t see what he’s doing wrong here. You, on the other hand….

AgathaX · 27/12/2024 10:39

You sound extremely prickly. Maybe he's walking on eggshells trying not to irritate you?

stringsoup · 27/12/2024 10:39

I wouldn't like this either - feels too formal and like he doesn't know you or how you feel

HisNibs · 27/12/2024 10:39

Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. He's probably quite confused now. Maybe he's just checking that he hasn't misread what on the outside seemed a very good day to him? To me, it suggests that he actually cares if you had a good day or not.

Overwhelmedowl · 27/12/2024 10:39

Seriously OP? If this is all it takes to be pissed off at your husband then you need to check yourself. You sound very hard work.

Doggielove · 27/12/2024 10:38

RainbowDr0p · 27/12/2024 10:21

Really interesting, I love some of the suggestions on replying and pulling out the answer, it's probably what he is expecting and seems reasonable but by the end if the day I am tired and not wmating to think so hard to analyse...

I, like everyone else probably, do wonder more these days if I am ND! He will ask me how work was and on an office day when I have done a 5 hour round trip drive or had a manic wfh day I have to say I'll chat about it later as I need time to process it before the main parts of my day jump out at me, like I need to not think about it while my brain works out what is mentionable. I need time to process before I analyse things.

Ah so you can say “I need time to think, can’t say right now, the five hour round trip was annoying”

if I were you I’d want to think about the concept of “unmentionable” and why I feel like that, what’s going on

Swipe left for the next trending thread