DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

We do this; it’s a chance to pause and reflect on good times spent together, amongst the rush and routine of everyday family life. I think it’s a positive habit.

No, i appreciate that it's probably not the same. And my comment wasn't helpful. Apologies OP.

You sound nice, bet he's glad he married such a star

Not just me then?!

Seriously OP you're complaining because you have a present DH and attentive DH and one who cares about if you've had a good day or not?

This

Sorry, OP. You sound tightly wound in your post.

You’re being childish.

You know that he’s not trying to be rude, he’s genuinely trying to be nice and asking about your feelings.

This is a you problem and you just need to say “yes it was great, how about you?”

Lots of people like to reflect on their day, especially if it has been good.

@TheAntisocialButterfly and @GoldsolesLugs

But why are you waiting until he asks? Surely it's better for emotional intimacy to be able to communicate as you go along.

I think directed questions demonstrate the partner is interested rather than a pointless question designed to affirm his own thoughts (whilst making sure you are suitably grateful)

As others have said, he's checking in? Are you having a nice time? I ask my DJ this a lot because he's the type to suffer in silence then have a meltdown later on, better to check in that let the quiet ones suffer, especially when routine is out the window !! He cares about you, sounds nice 🤷‍♀️

I'm guilty of this but it works for us as it usually means I'm happy and have had a njce time and my husband and I then have a good chat about it, same with him he'll ask me if I had a nice time etc and it opens a chat about it all :)

That is really not the same thing at all.

Yep. Or hairdresser.

Why though? Just say it how it is—I’d totally do it. Why pretend? Saying something about your husband’s family doesn’t mean you don’t like them, but let’s be honest, sometimes people can be a lot. And you should talk to your husband about it. That’s literally the whole point of “Did you have a good Christmas?”
“Yeah, I did! Loved spending time with you and the family, but your nephew was acting like a little gremlin.”
This doesn’t have to turn into an argument. Just two adults discussing it. Who knows, he might feel the same :))

The poor man

Surely this is just part of normal conversation and reminiscing about the day? DH might ask me if I had a nice day, I'd say "Yes, thank you, I especially loved watching Dr Who together with just the Christmas tree lights on" or "I loved it, thanks for doing the dessert when I was getting stressed, and I'm so pleased my roast potatoes were actually crispy! and everyone cleared their plate!" Nothing ground breaking, I'll give you that, but a nice chance to chat about the day.

I think this is an invitation to connect and talk about the day. So he’s wanting you to say something like “wasn’t the skating lovely” or something like that.

I can’t remember the statistics but there’s some research about couples that make it and how they are better at picking up each other’s attempts to connect. So it’s not the content that matters here so much as the fact that he’s trying to check in with you and have a conversation.

I think it's nice that he asked you, he cares about you and wants to know if you've had a nice day! Your response to him was a bit snippy and unnecessary imo. If I asked my DH if he has had a nice day and he said why are you asking me that, you're not my hairdresser, I'd be quite annoyed. You were rude in response to a perfectly reasonable question!

So when I go to peel potatoes and DH and DD are building Lego, if something happens that amuses him, he should jump up and run to tell me? And definitely not forget it before I come back in? He must retain it through DD announcing she needs the potty and clearing that away?

Just an example of normal life. Things get forgotten briefly but spoken about later.

Omg woman, and I never say this, @RainbowDr0p you’re far too hard work!

Yes, this! It's almost as if your marriage isn't just a business transaction @TheAntisocialButterfly . Just imagine that!

No but you'd hope the odd incident would be discussed at the time. Like I went out for walk with DS and came home and we talked about it DH. DH told me when he went out to find the bins for our Xmas rental and had a gentle moan.
I think it's weirder people aren't telling their other halves how it's going at the time. They shouldn't have to ask really.

My DH does this after we’ve spent the day with his family. Yesterday, having hosted 24 of them, I hadn’t had a particularly nice day, and was worn out. But what can I say except ‘oh yes, did you?’. If I mentioned how rude his nephew is, and how tiresome I find his aunt he’d be upset. So, ‘oh yes, did you?’ is the easier/kinder response.

Christ, what must it be like to be in a marriage where even 'did you have a nice day?' pisses your other half off? How stressful must that be?

I think I'd suggest to your husband that he never speak to you at all, unless directly addressed. Like a servant or a courtier.

I asked my husband this. It's a way of building emotional intimacy and sharing in his inner world.

Of course you don't have to just answer "yes".

You could say "yes, it was great watching the kids open their presents...I really loved the Christmas market, maybe we could see if there are any farmers markets during the year we could try out...it was good but maybe aim for a quieter Christmas next year, it felt a bit much at some points for me...." etc.

He cares about your experience and wants to understand it. Why is this a bad thing?

Serious question - what do you think about your partner generally? Everyone has small unreasonable irritations with their partner, but most people don't post them on the internet. To me it feels disloyal and I don't understand why you'd do it unless you're indifferent to or dislike your partner.