DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

Yes, he wants praise.

He wants to hear something like ‘I really enjoyed today, was lovely spending time with you, and that hot chocolate place you found was to die for’.

Not sure what his tone is like but he is probably just a little needy and unsure how you feel about him.

I like to say I appreciate people and time together with them because I realise in the past I used to take it for granted and many men are emotionally quite needy, especially as they age.

It's just a conversation starter isn't it? It's a chance to then have a conversation about what you liked, anything that didn't go well, what you could do different next time, etc.

christ, what an odd thing to get irked about 🙄🙃 me and Fiancé had a lovely xmas day with the family and had a de-brief when we were chilling out later that evening when everyone had gone home and said if we'd change anything for next year and we said we wouldn't because it all went perfectly 😅🤣 maybe he was just trying to make conversation?

Probably!

I always ask dh if he's had a good day. I must be really irritating because I always ask if he's had a good Christmas/holiday/day out. I ask the children too.

For me I'm just checking in/showing I care.

Just because we were all there I can't assume I know how everyone felt.

Asking if everyone has had a good time is a chance to reflect.

He's just trying to make conversation. Why can't you just reply with "Yes, I loved the ice skating" or "Yes, wasn't it funny when such and such happened?" And then the conversation continues from there.

I’d often ask my DH if he enjoyed a day out/Christmas/holiday. If the day was a little messed up, I’d say that it wasn’t the best day, was it? He’d do the same. it could then evolve into a chat about the day/future plans, etc. If DH cooked a meal such as Christmas dinner, I’d say that was lovely, thanks. In turn, he’d say not at all, thanks for doing xxx.

The same I could say I’ve had an awful day and going to lie down/go into another room by myself for 30 minutes.

Isn’t it all part of keeping the connection going and communication open? Everyday typical low-brow conversation.

You need a better DH. Then him caring whether you had a nice day or not won't piss you off quite so much.

Perspective.

It is like watching a film together and then saying 'did you like that?' afterwards

Why wouldn't you, as two seperate humans, have two different perspectives on things

Dh asked me this too and after the second or third time I replied:

”Well, I’ve done all the shopping, including for your family, all the boring thinking about what to buy people, all the wrapping, all the decorating of the house to look magical, all the prep and cooking of endless meals and cleaning up afterwards as well as the mental load of making sure everything necessary is done - all the organisation of buying tickets to things and corralling everyone to be ready and out of the house on time (as no fucker ever is)
all this on top of my usual jobs such as laundry, cleaning toilets, picking stuff up off the floor, collecting towels and pots from the kids rooms when everything has disappeared, loading and unloading the dishwasher umpteen times a day etc etc...so no, apart from the half an hour it took to watch the kids open their presents I haven’t really had a “nice” time, it’s been fucking exhausting”!

So hopefully he won’t ask again.

On a serious note though op I get what you mean - it’s weird, as though they’re wanting praise (for what? Ordering me the bottle of perfume I asked for online and putting the bins out?)

I think dh thinks like yours it’s making conversation but I just find it odd.

This exactly. My late DH and I also used to do it after we had entertained so that if either of us had noticed something we could mention it and discuss it....like eg "I thought Mum looked a bit tired by the end of the day, maybe we need to make it easier on her next time...." that kind of thing

We do this too, it's easy to put on a face in company, so asking after is checking you actually did enjoy it.

Bet if he didn't, you'd accused him of not caring. Can't do right for doing wrong!

If you've had a bad day, it's a chance to offload and reflect on the little things.

Traffic was horrendous as usual, but managed to finish that podcast I started,
Lucy in accounts had her baby etc.

Even if it's to deflect, which I do if I don't particularly want to talk about work itself.
Nothing much today, more of the same, want to watch a movie?....

Me too! I know I’m in the minority but I hate it when my DH asks me if I’ve had a nice day. I do the same most days - work, walk the dog, maybe go for a run, clean up a load of mess around the house. What
doe he want me to say! ‘Oh it was amazing’

Also the ‘did you sleep well?’ usual answer from me ‘no I never sleep well’. Poor bloke!

I know I’m a grumpy cow though! I don’t want to be asked if I’ve had a nice day. It winds me up.

Christmas is a little different though.

If this is the extent of your worries then read the thread 'To have walked out tonight?' In aibu and give your head a wobble.

My DH asks me this and I also ask him... Why?
We don't always know what is going on in the other person's head and we like to just check the other is okay.

For example sometimes my DH will ask me this after we have had a busy (but fun) day because he knows I can find them overwhelming. It is giving me a chanve to either say I did have fun or to express any emotions I may have been mulling over.

Sometimes we do it just so we can have a good chat about all our favourite bits. It's nice to bond over shared experiences.

My fave bit may have been the lunch, maybe he liked the shopping and walk etc.

However... If he asks me what's for dinner then I really DP get the rage 😂

Whether somebody was there for it or not is irrelevant really, you can both experience the same thing but one of you like it and one not surely?

I asked my entire family this exact question! I don't see any issue with it.

I have to admit OP, I think you are being unreasonable.

He sounds caring

I dont think it sounds 'praise seeking' at all. I think you sound hard work.

Perhaps you are hard to read and he honestly doesn't know if you have had a good day as you have shown no indication of enjoying yourself whatsoever.

Have you ever considered the outwards signs you are giving off - as to be offended by your OH asking if you have had a good day, indicates to me, that you are hard work and very easily offended.

The bloke must be walking on eggshells if you are offended by being asked this

I do that all the time. It's a way for me to connect and reminisce and if your DH is anything like me it probably makes his heart happy to hear you say yes. I love my loved ones enjoying themselves it brings me so much joy. It's a bit like saying 'isn't DC/DN/DPet so cute?' which most people probably say more than once in their life 😁

I have to say I have chuckled a bit at this… I didn’t realise it was an ick. I do it to my boyfriend all the time 🤣
Whenever we’re on our way home from an event, or once were home, I’ll always say “did you have a good time?” Or “did you enjoy the night?” I don’t do it in a weird/needy way, or because I think he hasnt had fun, it’s more just…habit? Chat? It doesn’t bother him… at least I don’t think it does 🤣

We do this a lot. That’s normally when the conversation starts. You’ll talk about the annoying or fun person at dinner, what someone said, if you’ll do it again, what you’ll change, etc. It’s harmless and I think this is a you issue, not him

This. My DH doesn’t show emotion and never expresses if he likes something or not, so I always have ask. It sounds like maybe you don’t give him any indication of whether you’ve enjoyed it or not and he’s simply doesn't know how you feel about it? I think maybe my husband is Neurodivergent in someway. There’s lots of other things that indicate he might be.

Have you considered that people may have busy lives, and therefore may not have had chance yet to speak to their other half before they ask?

A normal day for us starts with alarms going off at half five, because we both start work at 8am and DD is an early riser (and DH has an hours drive). We dash about to make sure we're showered and have eaten and DD is sorted before DH leaves for work and I take her to nursery. Then we work a full day, everyone is home by 5 ish, we do dinner, bath & bedtime, dog walk, basic housework and by this point we're knackered but have an hour together. Then we might chat about the day. Which might be started off by "how was your day?" Or "did you have a nice day?".

This habit of chatting later doesn't break just because it's Christmas or a day out or whatever. It's just how life goes.

I get the after work thing. My partner has a job where he interacts and talks to people all day, the last thing he wants to do it talk more when he gets in. I work from home so see no one and want to chat. We have an agreement where I let him settle in and then he lets me know when he's ready to talk. Have you communicated your needs in that sense?

Asking if you've had a nice time though....don't get the problem there at all, sorry. Maybe he is seeking some kind of confirmation or validation though if you don't give that out readily.

Dh doesn't give much away do I will often ask him did he enjoy xyz. I wouldn't say it's a big deal