DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

the more I think about it, the more I wonder what the poor DH could ask to start a conversation!

what would be okay op?
If he didn't say anything at all about Christmas once it was over? Seems a bit miserable! How about other topics, would asking if you enjoyed a night out/holiday/etc be okay?

Maybe he needs some confirmation that he's doing it right and pleasing you. Maybe you need to nip it in the bud and say how much you'd enjoyed yourself before he asks. Give feed back as you go along

@RainbowDr0p What a weird thing to get uptight and irked about.

You genuinely sound like hard work OP. Your poor DH.

Ha, I find these sort of inane questions irritating too OP you are not alone! I know it is a ‘me’ issue though so I try to hide my annoyance. In my mind it’s been obvious it’s been a nice day so why ask?! It’s different if DH comments on what a nice day he/we have had.

And no, not ‘ND’ 🙄

Good job @Oioisavaloy27 is here with an expert opinion!

Your not neuro diverse stop making excuses for the way you treat people l.

Do you have somewhere safe to go to OP? Get your passports and any legal documents out of the house and into the home of a trusted friend, call woman’s aid. I’m sick of reading how men treat women on here, I’d be crying and shaking if I were you. I was trapped in an abusive relationship like this, fucker asked me politely if I’d like a custard cream with my tea, I left that abusive situation immediately!

JESUS!

Agree with this. I can imagine that he constantly goes around feeling deflated and despised.

This relationship is on thin ice.

Oh thank god someone said that

Nor do I

why can you only answer 'yes?' though?
Surely you can answer anything you want!
I'd see this as a general opening question to start a conversation, more informal than "shall we debrief?"
e.g. with the friends you could reply anything from "yes it was lovely to catch up with everyone, we should do it again!" - which leads into when you'll meet up next, where, what to do, who to invite. Or "yes but can you believe how much weight Mary's lost/Bob's new girlfriend/what they said about X" - leads into a different conversation. Or "yes but let's not buy that dessert again, it took way too long to defrost and wasn't that nice," etc. Why would it just be a 'yes/no' binary answer?

Same with Christmas. It's just a general conversation opener that gives you the opportunity to discuss the best and worst parts, things you might do differently next year, have a laugh talking about something funny that happened/was said, plan for the next few days, talk about how you miss someone who is no longer there, etc.

I don't really get what you're asking tbh, are you saying that once something has happened you never want to discuss or look back on it again at all, so him asking if you enjoyed yourself is pointless, or is it just the specific phrasing of the question you don't like, in which case how could he have phrased it to be less annoying to you?

Yes probably was a bit of a random comment but I look back and see that he was asking so that when I wasn't happy he would say... "well you said you were happy" as if I should've spoken up. Thank you yes, I am happy now I don't live with Jekyll & Hyde!

Agree. Revolting phrase.

I'm not sure the asking if you were happy and later being a nasty drunk are directly related.

Did he ask and it led to a conversation / change if you said you weren't happy or was it more of a habit to feel as though he had checked in?

Some people genuinely care about their partners and want to check in / chat about their days.

Either way, I'm sorry you had that experience, I hope you're happy now.

Poor bugger. Sounds like he's walking on eggshells or trying to please you.

Grown women talking about the 'ick' is far more off-putting IMO.

I’m sort of with you OP

I think it might be the phrasing. DH will often say “that was fun, wasn’t it” or “nice evening” when we’ve seen friends/family. Somehow that isn’t as irritating as “did you have a nice time” but I think it’s got the same underlying intent - it’s a conversation opener, a moment to appreciate the nice day together, and yes a slight self-pat on the back, but not in a bad way.

Would you find it less annoying if he said “that was nice, wasn’t it” rather than “did you have a nice time?”

God, you sound horrible. You don’t like him very much, do you? It sounds as if he’s just looking for a bit of communication and connection.

If this is real, you need to work a bit harder at your relationship- or admit that you no longer like him and leave.

Poor man.

That would give me the ick and scream insecurity issues to me. Wish I had asked that question to mn 20+ years ago when my now EXH used to ask 'are you happy' on our early dates and proceed to become a nasty drunk as time went on,

Oh, by the way, shame on you for your appalling, and sexist, stereotyping of hairdressers, who have one of the least recognised jobs in this world.
Get off your high horse.

Let's be honest. You don't have that many friends, do you?
I can't put up with irritable people like OP, always seeking for a reason to be grumpy.
OP, it's bloody obvious that regardless of how uneventful Christmas may have been for you, your partner is still curious about how you felt about it. There is nothing wrong about it, and you should reconsider your stance here because what you are doing here is the kind of behaviour that break marriages in the long term. Change your attitude, lovely.

I also read this as an attempt at connection.

Of all the things I have read on MN about the awful behaviour of people's partners over the festive period, this is one partner who is actually doing something nice, and this is your reaction? I find it unbelievable that you are making a thing of this.

If you have the ick I am sure plenty of other women would appreciate a man who asks them how they are feeling.

Why would you not just take this question at face value? You're reading a lot into it, assuming it must mean he thinks you didn't have a nice Christmas, or that he wants extra praise or whatever. Why not go with the more generous and more likely assumption that he just wants to know if you enjoyed yourself. Maybe he wants to debrief, exchange a conversation about how it went together? Perhaps he had a nice time with you and just wants to let you know that. Your interpretation is rather odd and mean.

You sound lovely.