To be worried DS13 is upset to have lost the magic of Christmas?

I don’t know if this is you OP, but I think generally speaking some people seem to go completely over the top about Christmas. There seems to be this expectation of magic or magical experience. I never did this with my children. We had a nice time, but not like I often read about on MN which to me seems sometimes a bit crazy and over the top.

I might be cynical but my first concern would be about general health. My DD tends to feel very teary and sad when she’s unwell, and often looking back it’s the very first sign. The other things to look out for are general seasonal tiredness, school pressure and lack of sleep.Teens love to sleep so maybe he is lacking this mental relaxation.
He may feel different about activities as well, they are nice but not cool teenager stuff. So he feels like it is a tradition to do them but they are not interesting for him and it brings mixed feelings. Cinema trips and meals out are very popular teen activities round here so hope he will feel a bit happier.

Generally the criteria for depression as opposed to feeling depressed, is if they're unhappy for no reason for two weeks or more.

I am going to propose he is feeling depressed because of the season and changes in his life as opposed to being depressed.

But, take a beat, he spoke so openly and emotionally intelligent to you. He is doing very well and fair play to you for raising him able to do that.

By all means keep an eye, but also give him encouragement and praise for his insightful comments. Depressed individuals tend not to have that due to the condition. No

I used to get terrible after Christmas blues when I was a older child/teen. I remember feeling almost panicked it was all over so quickly and desperately sad to have to return to normal life. I had a brilliant childhood, no trauma, no bullying -I assume it was just normal and part of growing up. Hormones. Clinging to childhood. Anyway, I obviously did grow out of it, but still feel a twinge of sadness now and again when it's all over. I try to have a great thing to look forward to for New Year -a holiday, day out, show, event. It helps.

I wouldn't worry too much that he s depressed but I would focus on helping him build resilience for when life doesn't always meet his expectations and how to find joy in the everyday!
Teach him the difference between Instagram ticktok and reality,
Help him develop coping skills, acknowledging his feelings is great but he needs to learn to turn those feelings in to positivity and not to wallow further if he is a little disappointed. Help him find ways of making new happiness and maybe reframing the current situation into one of growth and positivity.,

I don’t think you should be worried. I remember really not wanting to leave childhood at maybe age 11/12.
it’s a funny time when you know you are leaving your childhood and it’s a scary unknown. Teenage years are tough. It will pass, probably quickly!

My daughter is nearly 12 and was in tears on Christmas Day night as she said Christmas didn’t feel so special and Christmassy any more and it was making her feel sad. It’s now the third Christmas since my mum died.

We did everything for Christmas we have always done but I think she often feels sad in general about growing up, and often says she was much happier when she was 7/8. She’s in Year 7 now so there is also less Christmas stuff at school.

I think you need to reassure him (and yourself) that's it's NORMAL to feel flat/tired when you eventually stop after a busy period / highlight / exciting day.

The highs & lows of human experience are part of what makes us different from animals.

Long winter nights make people more tired ... that's biology & nature in action.

No need to rush to medicalise everything into clinical depression etc.

My DD (16) was also upset in the evening of Christmas Day, saying that Christmas just doesn’t feel the same as it used to. I remember feeling the same way at a similar age. She has always loved Christmas and for the past few years I have noticed that she’s been trying to cling on to the magic, by doing all the same things we did when the DC were little. She has a very strong sense of nostalgia for it. I think it’s also about feeling sad at growing up, partly due to pressures at school and not being 100% secure in her friendship group. It’s difficult to know how to handle it really, other than to try and reassure her and say that it’s normal for things to change as you grow up. It made me feel really sad though 😥

Poor chap. I think there are a couple of things going on here.

As PP's have said, this is a completely and utterly normal transition. He's tool old to fully enjoy the traditions, despite yearning to. But he's too young to fully enjoy the more gentle pleasures of an adult Christmas season. Throw in teenage hormones and the inescapable buildup it's a receipe for feeling flat and disappointed.

The thing that stood out to me is that he's jumped from feeling a bit low to worrying that he has diagnosable depression. This is a real problem for young people who IMO are struggling to differentiate between the normal highs and lows of human experiences and actual MH issues.

In your shoes I would be making a big effort to reassure him that his feelings are absolutely normal. Share with him your own experiences and those of other people. Don't dismiss his feelings and don't try and tell him that adult Christmases can be just as magical - that really isn't true and may just upset him further if he feels he should be able to conjure up these feelings but can't. You need to normalise the experience of feeling a bit flat and to find lifes transitions can be bittersweet. Teach him skills to help perk himself up (planning something to look forward to, getting out and about instead of moping etc). As an adult he will need to learn what works for him when he is feeling a bit blue - these are vital life skills.

Clearly you should keep an eye on him and watch for signs of him feeling worse, but nothing you've said makes me think this is more than just feeling a bit crap, made 100x worse by him not understanding why.

Sometimes I think this is fairly common as people celebrate advent more and take trees down early. He's probably feeling the January blues in December without school to get on with. There are still lots of trails around, new years eve. Would it help to have friends over or a day playing a computer game together? It could be depression but often sad feelings are just normal feelings especially when you're growing up. As he's a bit older is there anything good at the cinema on? My kids are a bit smaller so can't see 12s for example but you could push the benefits of being older!

aww, the sweet soul.

I remember having these feelings a few times in my teenage years. It’s an odd time in some ways - the magic of childhood christmasses isn’t the same any more but you aren’t yet a part of making traditions yourself and feeling the joy of creating an amazing Christmas that’s just how you want it. It can feel nostalgic and flat and confusing all at once. I enjoyed Christmas in my teenage years but I did lose some of the thrill for a while. For me, the excitement and joy really came back once I’d left home and then had the excitement of ‘coming home for Christmas’ each year, and now I love creating it for my family instead.

Maybe next year you can workshop some ideas in advance for traditions he might enjoy starting or creating to help him have more buy in to the day? But you’re doing the right thing to reassure him that it’s normal to have mixed feelings and doesn’t mean anything is wrong with him.

My son is 7 and he said mama Christmas isn't as fun when you're a bit older, like mate you're 7 not 37 but he's not wrong 😅

This really. Growing up is scary.

I remember crying on Christmas at a similar age - my parents didn't do anything different but the activities all seemed a bit young even though I wanted to do them when they were booked.

I do think it's a bit of an in-between age - you're too old for baking cookies and light trails, but too young to really hang out with your mates and be properly independent, so you're kind of stuck.

Over the last couple of days have you managed to get out of the house? Sometimes it's just a case of being cooped up inside and needing a change of scenery. I really don't think you need to start regretting his previous Christmases, they sound amazing and he loved them. This could literally just be a hormonal moment and it will pass. Has he got a friend he could go out with for a couple of hours?

I would say there's a massive element of hormones and the doom and gloom feelings that sometimes accompany them. Which the just need to let him is a horrifically rough ride at times but also is normal, natural and not a sign of deeper troubles.

I hated growing older and wanted to hold on to being little as long as possible. I do get it.

It's also only the 3rd day of Christmas so lights and fun can still happen.

We did a lot before Christmas this year and I'm thinking actually we needed more time before the day and skating and pantos and stuff could also be done in this period. Are there any little festive jollies you could be doing in this week?
Most of the things near me go on till the 5th January. We still have a few Christmas parties left to attend too.

I'd talk about how things do change as you get older and maybe and is you get even older the magic is about how you create it and there is soooo much joy to found in that. Maybe make plans together?

January blues is so relatable when there's been so much excitement in the lead up. I tend to banish them through plans and goals and looking forward with excitement.

It's totally normal, I really didn't like Christmas from the ages of about 14 to 23.
The 'magic' just isn't there anymore, I did enjoy spending time with family, good food and gifts but the concept of Christmas itself just seemed naff!
The magic came back when I had my first child when I was 23 and I started making it magical for them.

My Ds, similar age, has been exactly the same this year. It’s a difficult age. Stuck between childhood and teenage. He has said Christmas hasn’t felt as magical this year, even though n we’ve done all the same things etc and it’s not even his first year without believing. I’m not sure what more we could have done! So hard.

I agree that this can be a very tricky transitional age, you're not a child but you don't yet have the independence and sense of striking out on your own that you do in your later teens. It's confusing and I can remember crying bouts and feeling utterly lost at times. I wouldn't worry about depression just yet but maybe if his mood stays low for several weeks into the New Year.

Next year I'd be inclined to try and spread out the Christmas activities so some come before the 25th and some after. I say this every year but I'm extremely cynical about just doing Christmas as a build up. I think even in adults it can mean an awful slump feeling afterwards.

Basically, time will tell. I get pretty bad Jan blues and also post holiday blues (any big, exciting event, really 🙄) - it can take me up to three weeks to full recover sometimes, but it does decrease and will eventually wear off.

Christmas is an emotional time and hormonal teens are emotional. Just be on the lookout for things not fetting better and keep up the conversation.

Around the age of 11 and starting Senior school , Christmas began to lack excitement for me . Santa seemed so babyish and I had grown out of toys . It's a natural part of growing up .

Aw, poor little soul. It's a transitional age, thinking about it and I'm sure both hormones and the post-Christmas blues are playing a part too.

It sounds like it might be time for a switch up if some of the old traditions aren't bringing so much joy. I have no suggestions as I'm not at thus stage yet, but hopefully some other helpful posters can give some suggestions of what they do with their young teens to reshift the focus from the magic aspect.