Toddler at a funeral?

As it's a family member of yours that's died, I'd ask the closest relative(s) of the deceased what their preference is.

In my family it would be unthinkable that a family member would miss a funeral simply because they have a young child, no matter how noisy they are. But everyone is different.

It's a touchy subject, but "taking them out if they make a fuss" can mean different things to different people, especially when parents are understandably used to their child's racket and have come to regard anything short of a screaming fit as "being quiet"

Overall though I agree about asking the chief mourners, and most importantly listening to what they say

Fine aslong as you go straight out if he starts making a fuss. Bring a sticker book or a quiet activity.
Check with deceased close family though.
I took my dd at everyone's request when she was a toddler. She was fine and everyone loved seeing her at the wake

People are so divided on this. Wouldn't cross my mind not to bring him, it's totally normal to me that children are at funerals. Despite some people thinking it's unreasonable it wouldn't change my mind and I'd just take him.

Yes, sit at the back and be prepared to leave if he makes any fuss.

Every funeral I have been to (English, middle class) has had babies and toddlers at it. If they are direct relatives of the deceased the celebrant usually makes a big deal about them being there.

Nobody has minded a bit of child noise, or noise of them being shovelled sweets for bribery purposes, and it's generally looked on as a nice thing (or if anyone hates it they keep it to themselves).

It's only on Mumsnet I've seen attitudes that children shouldn't attend, even if they are capable of complete silence.

Again, very culture-dependant. A little quiet toddler noise wouldn't be an issue for us, it's more important that children are present for family milestones like funerals.

@MereDintofPandiculation - yes, that's what I meant. I thought it was obvious!

It's not when he "plays up" that you need to take him out, it's as soon as his presence become audible to anyone else.

Took my 20 month old to my mother's funeral. He sat with us in the front row perfectly quietly, no toys, just a box of orange juice. We're not church-goers, so the whole thing was a novelty to him.

You're fine sitting next to an exit. But you must remember the standard for disruptive behaviour is different. Quietly plating and chatting to himself, which would be fine in other settings, may be too much for a funeral.

I was about to say this. I’m from a West Indian background and children at weddings and funerals is the norm and I’d be asked where they were if I didn’t take them.

You need to ask the deceased’s family really. There’s no other way of knowing the right thing to do.

Being willing to take the child out if he’s noisy is irrelevant. If the noise has already happened and you have people grieving not knowing that an unexpected child is there, then that is beyond rude. It happened at my late DH’s funeral and I was happy that the mother of the child was there and a bit of toddler noise was fine by me. But MIL, an elderly woman who was at her only son’s funeral found it upsetting and disrespectful. Which is why I think it would be very rude to take a child without asking first.

"So many" levels? Such as?

My toddlers been to a few funerals now - no Problems at all

Can you expand

And personally someone else's child would not have 'lightened the mood'. If I wanted the mood lightened (I didn't) I'd get that from my own kids instead. I don't really like the argument that someone bringing their child is some sort of gift to the mourners.

I've taken toddlers to funerals. I took a massive handbag full of quiet toys, books, non crunchy snacks etc and it went well. We had to sit in the front row because of our relationship to the deceased but I was ready to slip out if necessary.

I have taken mine without any problems. Just leave if you need to.

I'd ask first. I didn't have my own v young kids at my mum's funeral, I wanted to be present in the moment and couldn't fully do that while always thinking in my head about the kids, so we hired a babysitter (who they bloody loved!). We had no kids at the funeral and I would have been a bit peeved if someone had turned up with a young kid that had the potential to disturb stuff when closer relations had all decided we didn't want our children there. They all came to the party bit after. But the actual ceremony wasn't really a place for kids.

Usually we just bring a quiet toy and break it out when he starts to get bored.

I’d be pretty unimpressed if someone brought their toddler to a funeral and ‘broke out’ a toy if they started getting bored.

If you’re going to take your toddler, sit right at at the back and take them out the moment they move or make a sound.

I can't see an issue but MN can be a bit odd about these things in my experience!

As long as you can definitely take him out if he plays up, it's absolutely fine to bring him along with you.

I’ve had to do this before, sat at the back and made an exit as soon as she became restless.

I’d be led by the close family. I’m sorry for your loss

Toddler in pram so they can’t run up and down (mine has also just turned two and would run if they saw an aisle) and right by the door so you can make a swift exit if needed (and do it as the first fuss) and you should be fine.

I have taken a toddler in the past, needs nust; as your plans, we sat by the door ready for a swift exit. Not needed as child was quiet.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

But the OP is planning on leaving if her child gets noisy.