Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this emotional abuse?

139 replies

Pieomyy · 27/12/2024 07:52

"Do you want some extra sauce?" "No." "Why?"

"What did you buy?" "New shoes." "Why?"

DH has accused me of emotional abuse because I am constantly asking him why. He claims he can no longer switch of and relax when he is around me. He used the above two examples of questions I asked him yesterday as evidence of emotional abuse.

I don't know why I ask, a force of habit, and he has told me before that he finds these questions annoying but yesterday was the first time he accused me of being abusive.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 27/12/2024 08:11

Well, take 10 seconds to think before you make any response, ever.

Or carry on doing it and split up

Up to you really.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 27/12/2024 08:10

Not emotional abuse

But so annoying to be asked WHY? every time you were asked a question. It'd be like having a 3 yo around all the time.
It would definitely drive me mad. Why do you do it? What do you want to gain from asking why?

Original poster
Pieomyy · 27/12/2024 08:10

Chowtime · 27/12/2024 08:07

You do realise you're doing it - you've just written a whole thread stating you do it!

Show quote history

I just ask without thinking, it's a reflex action.

OP posts:
Wallacewhite · 27/12/2024 08:08

Those questions do sound like a headtwist. Asking another adult to justify their trivial, everyday choices is bizarre and intrusive.

Chowtime · 27/12/2024 08:07

Pieomyy · 27/12/2024 08:05

I don't realise I am doing it.

Show quote history

You do realise you're doing it - you've just written a whole thread stating you do it!

Mummypie21 · 27/12/2024 08:07

I don't think it's emotional abuse but it's very annoying. If you are now aware you're doing it, then you should try not to.

Original poster
Pieomyy · 27/12/2024 08:05

Chowtime · 27/12/2024 08:02

Hmmm it really just sounds like a communication problem rather than abuse.

Why are you questioning his responses?

I don't realise I am doing it.

OP posts:
CarpetSlipper · 27/12/2024 08:05

How do you react if he ignores the “why?”.

From what you’ve said it’s not abuse but really annoying.

If you are actually expecting him to justify every tiny little decision he makes, especially if it differs from what you would do then that would be abusive I think.

Chowtime · 27/12/2024 08:02

Hmmm it really just sounds like a communication problem rather than abuse.

Why are you questioning his responses?

Cheesandcrackers · 27/12/2024 08:00

He made a trivial decision which only affects him and is asked why he made that trivial decision. Emotional abuse? No, but it must be very irritating at least.

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2024 07:58

I wouldn't say it's abusive but it must be bloody annoying! If someone asked me if I wanted sauce and I said no, I wouldn't then expect to have to justify my decision!
If you know it irritates him then just stop doing it!

Headingtowardsdivorce · 27/12/2024 07:55

I don't think he's being silly, being asked why all of the time must be as annoying as fuck. I'm not sure it constitutes emotional abuse though!

Just stop doing it OP. He's told you he doesn't like it, you don't even know why you do it, just stop. Simple solution!

ApparentlyRockBottomHasABasement · 27/12/2024 07:54

Why are you questioning their responses all the time?
They know their own mind. It would drive me nuts if someone constantly did that to me!

malificent7 · 27/12/2024 07:53

Not so much abuse but a bit irritating I suppose. Like a child asking "why?" constantly.
I think he's being a bit silly tbh.