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AIBU?

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Original poster

New bf, Xmas disappointment

143 replies

Journeyjunkie · 27/12/2024 07:51

Am I being a bit of a spoiled brat?

New BF, been together 7 months so 1st Xmas together. Money is a bit tight for both of us but I have been buying his Xmas presents over the past few months to spread the cost.
I went to his Xmas afternoon after kids went to their Dads. Got there, he’d just got up from a nap so was half asleep (he knew I was coming) house was a mess, dirty plates by the sofa, kitchen a mess.
There’s an Amazon box on the sofa next to a roll of wrapping paper, said he couldn’t find any cellotape. He gives me the box & it’s a frying pan, which to be fair I do need.
He then says we’ll go away in Feb/March for a weekend & starts suggesting places he’d like to go!
He took me away for the weekend for my bday which at the time I thought was lovely & romantic but now I’m wondering if he knows me at all. No cards for either bday or Xmas & for my bday he also said he’d bought me a couple of things which never appeared.
Can’t help but feel a bit undervalued as a person, he’d made little effort on Xmas day, no nice food/drink & he fell asleep on the sofa!
AIBU?

OP posts:
pilates · 27/12/2024 09:18

Zero effort = 🚩
The beginning of a relationship he should making you feel special not rubbish.

Nogaxeh · 27/12/2024 09:18

Cleaning up his place and washing the dishes doesn't cost any extra money, only time and effort. Time and effort he did not have to spare to impress you at Christmas.

I have to be honest with you, I'm not getting lifetime partner vibes here.

LunaNorth · 27/12/2024 09:18

Christ on a bike, get yourself a vibrator. It’ll be a better conversationalist and a more caring partner than this wart.

SapphireOpal · 27/12/2024 09:18

Why are your standards so low that you'll accept this?

You should still be in the honeymoon period and you're coming over to a messy house to receive a frying pan he couldn't even be arsed to wrap up. It's only going to get worse from here.

BettyBardMacDonald · 27/12/2024 09:17

Startingagainandagain · 27/12/2024 08:58

Don't waste anymore of your time on this lazy slob...

This.

So unattractive.

pictoosh · 27/12/2024 09:16

Yanbu. The box sitting on the side with the wrapping paper I could forgive...I'm disorganised and last-minutey myself and would understand. The rest of it? The frying pan, the mess, the lack of occasion...nah. He's not trying to impress you is he? He's complacent and lazy already.
It really doesn't bode well imo.

Shoxfordian · 27/12/2024 09:15

Dump him, it's not going to improve

Pumpkincozynights · 27/12/2024 09:15

Can you live with a slob?
If he makes such little effort now things will only get worse.
Surely he could have bought you perfume, jewellery, books, plants, clothes……the lust is endless.

Astrak · 27/12/2024 09:13

Your boyfriend didn't really put any effort into finding out what sort of things you might like for Christmas. Is he worth persevering with? Would you feel heartbroken if you broke up?
I would be considering the pro's and con's of this relationship.

mnreader · 27/12/2024 09:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Frangywangywoowah · 27/12/2024 09:11

A fecking frying pan....on your 1st Christmas. No, just no.

Drearycommuter · 27/12/2024 09:07

My ex was like this. Continued and spread into other areas that required him to make effort. He never changed and always seemed annoyed that sometimes there were expectations on him.

is this how you want your future christmases and birthdays?

ExtraOnions · 27/12/2024 09:04

I hope you went home when he fell asleep .. leaving your frying pan with him.

Raise your bar

Runningoutofthyme · 27/12/2024 09:03

Nope you don’t need another child to look after
keep the frying pan but end the relationship

Startingagainandagain · 27/12/2024 08:58

Don't waste anymore of your time on this lazy slob...

PortiasBiscuit · 27/12/2024 07:58

Talk to him, tell him that this matters to you!

I have said it before on MN, why are women shagging men that they can’t even seem to have a decent conversation with?

( Having said that, a frying pan is a shit Christmas present!)

MyLoftySwan · 27/12/2024 07:55

He sounds a massive slob who can't be bothered to make an effort. If he can't do it for your birthday or Christmas then imagine what he is going to be like everyday if you eventually move in together....

sleepandcoffee · 27/12/2024 07:54

I think if they make zero effort on first birthdays / Christmas then you know it won't ever improve , I would be pretty annoyed if I was you .