New bf, Xmas disappointment

I was with someone like this last Christmas. Totally self absorbed, constantly watching me for effort without putting any in himself. Broke things off in January.

I don't advocate violence but you could say that you would like to try out your new frying pan...

You're absolutely right to point out that women should feel able to express their needs in a relationship (and in general) in a straightforward way.

But this isn't something that can be solved by a conversation. This isn't about a boyfriend who has made an effort but wildly missed the mark. This is a man who simply hasn't bothered to think about making an effort for his girlfriend AT ALL.

Throw this one back, OP, it will only get worse.

Oh that's nice to have a new frying pan, you can wazz it at his head when he's asleep

I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t be arsed to make the effort to be up and ready and plates cleared away from the sofa in time for me coming round if they knew I was going to be coming, especially on Xmas day. I also I couldn’t be arsed with someone who gave me a frying pan for Xmas (unless you’d specifically asked him to get you a frying pan?). Also knowing you was coming round but left your present lying around with the wrapping paper is a bit shit. There are better ways to give your present to you. I take it he couldn’t be arsed to nip to the shop to buy a roll of sellotape or a gift bag? As pp’s have said, what an absolute slob!

Urgh, OP do you want this to be your life forever more?

My first Christmas with my boyfriend we had been together about 10 months. He bought me the most gorgeous pair of Swarovski crystal earrings that I still treasure years later. My gifts are always perfect because he loves and cares about me, listens to me and makes the effort.

If I got a frying pan I would have clouted him over the head with it!

What did you buy him out of curiosity?

I would dump and run if you don't want a miserable life.

I’d have dumped him there and then. A fucking frying pan? Just no. Please raise your bar op, the fact that you’re not even sure that this is shoddy treatment is worrying. It is. And you deserve better.

For him maybe - It’s obviously a turn-off for the OP!

Oo-er missus!

Quite right. The lust is endless.. it's what got them into this problem

Fuck that shit.

What a lazy loser. Making an effort costs nothing.

Dump him. It ain't gonna get better.

for my bday he also said he’d bought me a couple of things which never appeared
He sounds like a liar to me. The discussion about where to go in Feb/March all sounds made up off the top of his head. I think I’d be looking for someone better OP.

@Journeyjunkie agree with @arethereanyleftatall - if he can’t be arsed to tidy up then that’s how living with him would be. Never mind the shit present. It wouldn’t be shit if he had got other more thoughtful things, since you obviously discussed needing one, but on its own with the slob behaviour it’s saying ‘your job is cooking and cleaning up after me’ ☹️🙄

Well, this is as good as it gets so if you want to stick around for the decline that’s up to you.

I hope you didn’t pretend to be pleased with that gift.

Did he expect you to tidy up? Because this is a woman's job
What a disappointment. Throw him back and find someone who shows that he cares about you (or no one and just do your isn thing)

What a minger, not even making the effort to tidy up before you came over, still half asleep and zero effort to wrap your gift. As for the gift of a frying pan how original 🙄. Chuck him back, he’s showing you who he really is and you have have to ask yourself if this is a few months into the relationship can you imagine what he’d be like in years to come?

Edited to add the dirty house would be the end, I don’t do dirty messy houses or men that think that’s appropriate. I’d have left him to wallow in his filth.

he’s given me the ick just reading about the mess 🤢 I refuse to discuss the frying pan

1st Christmas should make an effort. Firstly, dishes all around and asleep in the middle of them is a red flag for an adult living alone its either he is a slob or he is depressed. Either way, red flag in a new relationship. Frying pan is a terrible gift, he is either an idiot or only buys practicle presents. Has he had a woman in his life before, how did his last relationships end? I did actually buy my husband a slow cooker one of our first xmass but it was one of many presents and he absolutely loves stew. A frying pan is rubbish unless say, you love omlettes so much that you would be super excited to have a new pan to cook them in.

You’re just not compatible.

An unwrapped frying pan on your first Christmas? Nope. Keep the frying pan but bin him.

He’s a shit boyfriend op, he’s lazy, selfish, dull and immature. I can tell all that from what you’ve written. Why are you bothering with him? Is your self esteem so low that you think that’s all you deserve??

Nah
Just nah

He sounds pretty typical single bloke-ish. Probably not what you want. However you've only been together seven months and you went OTT with gifts for him, buying them bit by bit over months. He wants to take you away somewhere nice, that's good, surely?

Frankly I wonder what you expected, you must know him a bit by now. I don't see anything wrong with him having just got out of bed and his place being messy. He's obviously a laid back character. However maybe not for you, depends what you want from the relationship. No doubt he spruces up when you go out.

As an aside, he should have known that Amazon gift wraps, or he could have bought a gift bag!

Well sure. But you've missed all the context. It isn't a weekend away hes offering, it's just procrastination as he hasn't sorted anything. The op detailed for her birthday he said he'd get her things but they didn't materialise. So the weekend away doesn't exist, it's just words. If it did, he could have sorted it all in advance and presented her with a little home made voucher thing.

Time and effort he did not have want to spare to impress you at Christmas

He doesn't care about you. So you have a decision, is your bar this low?