New bf, Xmas disappointment

If I were to find myself in that position with a man on our first Christmas, I would take it as a clear sign he wants me to end it, as he can't be arsed.

Some people are less into these things than others. I don't give a fuck about Christmas and birthdays and think people are way too needy about them. For me Christmas is about presents for kids and food and drink for adults. I put a lot of effort into people in other ways though. Just because he doesn't have the same Christmas standards as you it doesn't mean he is a waster and doesn't care.

I don’t think it’s so much that he doesn’t know you/ what you like it’s more the fact that he either hasn’t taken the time to get to know you and find out what you like or he just doesn’t care. I actually think it’s a combination of both.

When you look at the bigger picture, he couldn’t be arsed to be ready/ have the house ready in time for when you came round (especially seeing as it was Xmas day). Instead you got a half arsed boyfriend that was still half asleep and couldn’t be arsed to buy some sellotape or at least give your present to you in a nice way rather than you finding it in an Amazon box next to some wrapping paper.

He seems incredibly lazy and like he doesn’t really give a shit about you/ the relationship. You might think he seems thoughtful and generous but it’s still in the early days of your relationship so he will still be on his best behaviour in certain situations. I would say though that as time goes along, all these trips away will get less and less. If he treats you in a lazy arsed shitty way at Xmas then you will probably see more and more lazy behaviour as time goes on, especially as he gets more comfortable in the relationship. He knows he’s got away with acting like a slob this Xmas so I doubt next Xmas will be any different.

I know this will seem basic and unsympathetic but you are not compatible. These months at the beginning of a relationship are when you find out if you fit, have the same values or if not will respect the differences and maybe even try to close the gaps if you can without loss to yourself because you love each other.

He seems very different to you at a fundamental level. You mentioned you both want to go away for break or holiday at some point. Well practically everyone wants to do that. It’s how you get along the rest of the time that matters.

and to be honest, if you have very different values and life styles, trips away will hold a magnifying glass to that

@Journeyjunkie if this is all he can be bothered with just 7 months in I'd run a mile!!

DH bought me a Dyson Hoover for our first Xmas, it caught me slightly off guard initially as I was taken a back with a practical housework gift. The card however said something along the lines of "less of a struggle for your back" which I thought was v thoughtful- he'd obviously noted me lugging Henry (the hoover) around.

Following on from that, I've received a Ninja, Dyson Air Wrap, etc etc- so he's a practical, non romantic, gift giver. I wouldn't be offended at a Frying pan- I'd think it's half arsed, but not worth breaking up over.

I would however be ending it because he made zero effort on Christmas day, no card, no wrapping, messy house, half asleep and then made pasta for himself! Ew, just ew, I'd struggle to have sex again with such a beta. Blergh. Do better.

Gross and slobby

This.

And he's so comfortable he thinks you'll be together going for weekends away in March!!! Talk about taking you for granted. He's not even pretending to be interested in keeping you keen.

Get rid, you can do far better.

In general life he can be quite thoughtful & generous.

How? In what way?

I think the frying pan isn't a huge issue - OP needs one, I'd frankly be more than happy to get pans as I love cooking! One present is fine - that's all DP and I did for first Christmas after a similar amount of time and especially if money is tight.

But tidying, cleaning and making an effort costs nothing. That's what I would struggle with.

A frying pan? WTF?

Look - if he doesn’t make his house look reasonable and wrap your present and provide something nice to eat on CHRISTMAS DAY you need to move on. Now.

He's given himself the gift of a trip away amd convinced you to be happy about it!

He seems like the sort of bloke that sees himself as a good guy and winders why women are so picky.

It's 7 months. He didn't put in the time to plan a trip, so he hasn't done the labour, he also hasn't spent any time thinking about how to impress you. It's really sad because he can't think you actually desperately wanted a frying pan. A frying pan that he will no doubt benefit from as you cook for him.

YABU to have spent so much money on him and bought him so many gifts when money is tight, it’s only been 7 months and his gifts/effort for your birthday were so low.

YANBU to be unimpressed with his low effort for your visit on Xmas day, and what sounds like more lies about ‘jam tomorrow’.

I’d take the frying pan & not continue the relationship, but from your second post it sounds like you wish to continue - unwise!

Sounds miserable. I hope you didn't turn down a better offer for this?

Well it wasn’t how you wanted to spend Christmas so don’t do it again.

He’s shown you what his standards and effort are. It’s up to you to make your own mind up on whether you can accept this as Christmas for the foreseeable future.

What's his star sign?

😂

What?! No Christmas food or drink? That’s the best bit! How can you spend Christmas Day together and he doesn’t do anything (apart from the unwrapped frying pan.) Does he not celebrate Christmas or something?

I think that’s really lazy. Just a total lack of effort. He should have been looking forward to sharing the day with you and making it enjoyable. What did you eat and drink when you were there? I would have gone home tbh especially when he fell asleep.

Good god no! Just leave him to his squalor

It is so sad to read threads like this, when a woman is asking if being upset by going to her BF house, to find it messy and disgusting, no food prepared, him just woken up, an unwrapped frying pan for a gift and other gift promises that didnt materialise is being a "spoilt brat".

The bar is so low already. Walk over that bar and carry on walking.

Time for you to develop some self-care and self-esteem, OP, because you're not going to get it from him.

Hold your head high and move on from that waste of space.

Remember this is the peak. The honeymoon period. The best it will get. Throw him back.