To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

@darkmorning can you turn comments off?

Did what?

If you considered stealing your children's Christmas money and taking out yet another credit card despite you and your DH having good jobs, then you desperately need financial advice. You're living way beyond your means. Stop trying to live a lifestyle you can't afford.

But @Haroldwilson in 2023 only 35% of 18 year olds went into higher education. So most don't go to uni.

Tuition fees are repaid once you earn over a certain amount, as a form of tax, over many years. And yes, housing is expensive but it's also regional. The SE is the worst, but other parts of the UK are relatively cheap.
We helped our kids with house deposits when they were in their 30s, but that was money we'd saved and invested ourselves.

It's fine as long as you give it back- this happened to me all the time , but my gripe was I never reimbursed, definitely don't consider paying credit card interest instead.

It’s time of life though isn’t it - when your kids are little then you are also likely to have a bigger mortgage and childcare costs so less able to save but as they get older you have more flexibility to save. But going without now or getting into debt so that you can save for your children is short sighted

i had a friend who would put things on the credit card but save her child benefit into the kids accounts. I’m sure the kids would have preferred parents who weren’t constantly stressing about debt tbh

That's a bad take, life is horrible expensive for young adults with tuition fees, housing costs, cost of living. Young people now drink way, way less so it's not going on beer. And working your way through uni still won't cover it, the interest on the fees starts accruing on day one. They leave uni with £50k debt.

We try to save for DC who are primary age and are attempting to pay off mortgage early so we can use income to help them. Intergenerational inequality is a real thing, it's not whinging.

However in your shoes op, I'd say your kids want food more than they want savings so do it. You could also have a frugal month, use those apps like too good to go and olio to save money, use up cupboard supplies etc.

I didn't get a penny from my parents either because we were poor and they did not have anything spare to save.

I think it's just because getting on the housing ladder is so much harder than it was a generation ago. I feel like my kids will need a helping hand if they are going to buy a house before they are 30, so I am saving for their deposits. I can afford to though, I wouldn't be doing it if I had credit card debt and was struggling to buy food and fuel.

I agree 100% @GRex I have no idea where this idea has come from. Like you, I worked in a Saturday job, from 16, and before that I earned a few quid doing babysitting for neighbours or family. That money I used for clothes and eventually bought an old banger to use for work.

I worked through every holidays when I was at uni (shop work) and never had a penny from my family except a small amount as a birthday or Christmas gift. They had no money to spare. I never knew anyone whose parents put money away for them, other than millionaires perhaps who had 'trust funds' or similar.

I don't think it teaches kids many life lessons to be handed over a lump sum at 18.

How have we as a society got to this point where so many young families have been unable to afford basic expenses, yet thinking they must save money for their babies to spend as adults??? Back when I was young, we saved money from little jobs as a teenager, were grateful for a few £'00 at the end of A levels and got jobs for those of us lucky enough to go through uni. That isn't just me, that's most people. Very few people had money gifted to them; I remember 2 from wealthy families and 1 whose mum had died, everyone else had loans and jobs. Yet now a future 18 year old's beer money is being seen as a parental priority over paying for the bills and food today. It's utter madness. Where are people getting this idea from?

Hi I’ve read most of your posts and I remember how tough it was when returning from maternity with the second child.

Two children with expensive childcare (probably cost the same as around 80% of my PT wage!) . I knew the situation was temporary so it was endured until at least one had 30 hours childcare - the free hours helped but it was still expensive with the 30 hours.
However my choices were to either carry on working to pay for childcare (the 80% income to childcare costs lasted approx 6 months) or quit my job and restart my career (from the bottom) when they are older - the disadvantages would be bringing them up in a single income family for the foreseeable future (poorer for the long term rather than 6 months) and when I do restart my career, I would have lost any competitive edge to my skills gained over the past decade. Therefore restart my career at a much later date, on a lower starting salary

During this really difficult period (until they both started school nursery at 4 years old), I made a decision to only save £10 a month each - sometimes none - and only put in the money they were gifted at Christmas and Birthdays. They were still getting hundreds for each birthday/Christmas so I didn’t feel the need to save as much from my wages

From your posts, you had already saved £100 (with your own wages) in December into their accounts . Due to the increased costs in December, if i were you, I wouldn’t have saved £100 this month.
if you decided not to save £100 for them this month, at least they had a £100 gift from PIL.
so technically you wouldn’t be taking money from the children, you just didn’t save any money from your wages.

i saved £10 per month for each child until they were both in school - so at least 2 years of minimal savings into a regular saver (which paid a better interest rate). Once I had more disposable income, it went up to £100 per child per month plus all their gifted money. I have a few months (joint income) saved. Got rid of all the debt accrued on SMP (who can realistically live on £136 a week with a baby and a 3 year old ?!)
sorry not to gloat, but letting you know it will be much easier later on and to only save what you can for now as you’ll be able to catch up with the savings when they’re at school.

Good luck but if you do take the money, see it as the money you saved into their account earlier this month rather than the gifted money. The true decision is whether or not you can or can’t save the usual £100 this month or next

Yes it seems your situation is very differnt from "Darkmorning" and it is sad that you had such a mother.

Luckily in the UK there is no legal obligation to pay for next of kins funeral . I don't know where you live so maybe it is different.

I voted YANBU it’s fine for the stop gap and better to pay off the credit card debt as soon as possible as a priority over DC ISA assuming they are not about to turn 18 in next few months; well done paying off the first card

I’d do it if I needed to and would feel the least amount of guilt ever.

needs must. At the end of the day, you’re looking after them.

I never expected any inheritance from her, and had barely seen her in over a decade before she died however as technically her next of kin I was presented with a £4k bill for a funeral arranged by her boyfriend who refused to pay for it! I have not received anything from her after her death, not even the photos she had of me as a child!

So yes you are right an inheritance is a privilege not a right, but I didn’t receive a single thing from her, not even things of no monetary value that would be worthless to anyone else! I literally just got the bill!

My mother stole money from me as a child, and even stole money from my purse as an adult when I visited her!

There is a big difference from ‘helping someone out’ and them stealing and defrauding you of money that someone else had made as a result of a court order as a divorce settlement from my father for me.

You seem to be under the impression that somehow she was struggling financially, which is not the case… she would take what wasn’t hers because she could! She had several husbands and divorces, blew all of the divorce settlements on holidays and clothes and never once offered any help to me even when I was quite poor myself!

I worked part time and lived independently at the age of 16 while doing A levels and at University!

If you feel that she must have struggled as a single parent between husbands I highlight that she also received substantial maintenance payments from my father each month which more than covered the cost of my essentials, her bills etc…. so she didn’t struggle and was financially maintained!

If its not being used and going in to an isa you're not taking anything from them if they're defo getting it back. If they'd been brought a gift though you wouldn't have had it so I'd probs try and get by without it and then say if u still needed it a week before payday then borrow so its a last resort. Ignore judgemental comments weve all had hard times despite earnings ESPECIALLY the 196579365 days we have to wait from December payday to Jan payday!!!!!!! and your income is noone else's business hope you and your family had a brilliant Christmas

Of course you should use their money if you are in dire straits ! They will benefit. No contest.

I used to borrow money from my DS fairly often when he was in primary and i was working part time, though it was cash from his piggy bank and I always left an IOU. He had plenty in his puggy bank as my Dad had a tendency to slip him a fiver once or twice a week.

I was pretty broke for a few years, so needs must - if we needed milk and toilet paper, I didn't want to put it off till pay day and I didn't have a credit card, just a debit card, so could only spend money I had.

It's not as if you're spending the kids money on gambling or drugs, it's taking them to see their grandparents and feeding them, so I don't think it's awful to consider spending their money, as long as you put it into their account eventually.

It’s not your point - it is theirs. You should not be using it to tide you over.

If you children had not been given that money what would you have done?

That’s really awful that they never paid it back.

Not sure why you are bothering to ask people’s opinions. It seems you have already decided.

My parents often did this with our birthday money. We never got it all back.

It was needs must at the time for them (struggling with 4 kids, things got better) and they had no other option...but I would say absolutely not.

Thing is with this is once you do it it just gives you the ok to do it again. And again...even if you pay it all back I just don't think it's right.

You have another option. Use that. Take the credit card fill up the car do a shop whatever then put the card away. It's no different.