I don't like my niece and nephews

I’m more tolerant now that I’m an old granny, but when mine were children (and quite perfect, obviously) I had very little time for any variety of PITA child behaviour, and I had a particular loathing for whining. A friend’s dd hardly ever talked properly - she just whined. It made me feel 👿.

I’d always made it clear to my two that unless they talked properly, I was stone deaf.

She is a brat and I have plenty of reasons to dislike her. As I said, she's sneaky, self absorbed, manipulative and spoilt.

Kids change over the years, so your feelings may change too. I don't really have any niece or nephews but have other young children in the family and yes they aren't my kids, but I wouldn't dislike them unless they were narcissistic brats, and even then, they are kids and could change.

I guess you bond with who you bond with, but unless the children are utter brats, it's a bit weird to dislike them when they haven't done anything to you. That suggests the problem is more you than them. It's very weird to dislike someone for no reason. You may find the feeling is mutual at some point if you are projecting your dislike of them.

I love the honesty on this thread. I don't like my niece. She's spoilt, self absorbed and sneaky. She's in her teens now and my feelings have got worse rather than better. I've been feeling rather loathsome about it all but I've now realised I'm not alone. I don't get on with my brother (her dad) which is where my feelings probably stem from. He's a useless father and my mum overcompensates to the detriment of my kids. I like my other nieces and nephews.

I have one nephew. My exH’s brother’s kid. I really don’t like him. I used to, but in recent years he’s become a right little shit. He is spoiled and demanding and will have a right old strop if he doesn’t get his own way. He puts demands on my DD and will have a go at her if she doesn’t go along with what he wants. My DS who is older isn’t very keen on his cousin either.

I don't like my niece or nephew. They are very extroverted, loud and must have everything their way all the time. The parents never tell them off, never consequences for bad behaviour and they are getting worse as they get older. My DCs don't like them either. I pretend I like them and am nice to them but there's no true bond between us. I'm sad about it because I had no cousins and was looking forward to my DCs having cousins.

If it makes you feel any better, OP, it could be a lot worse. My paternal aunt dotes on me, actually to the detriment of her own children. (This is class related, as my parents are wealthier than their family) It was always uncomfortable to be fawned over and preferred to her own daughter! I felt and still feel so bad for my cousin, and I don't see a lot of either her or my aunt now that I'm an adult.

But have you ever spent 3 solid days with any of your friends' kids? I bet you might not like them so much after that. I like my DN (8) in small doses. I'm very close to his Mum - my Dsis. My DN however is pretty annoying some of the time and I don't necessarily like how she chooses to parent him on occasion (she probably thought the same about my DC when she was child-free and they were younger). He does, however, have SEN so I know I need to try harder and be more patient with him but I'm peri menopausal so 🤷‍♀️ my DH doesn't really find him annoying at all. My older kids do find him irritating after a while as he's very, VERY bossy and seems to always get his own way.

WTF? Jesus Christ.

I do think it's a bit peculiar to "actively dislike" primary aged children

Do you think you’d love her if she looked like your son?

My niece on my side is great. 2 nieces on DHs side are great. I love these girls, they’re very lovable and I feel great affection for them.

But 1 niece and 1 nephew on DH’s side (10 and 12) I absolutely cannot stand. They are insufferable, spoilt, unkind, selfish children who are absolutely vile to my own kids and it’s overlooked because my sibling ILs have self diagnosed them with ADHD (they have both had NHS and private assessments that have said they do not have ADHD but instead gaming addictions and low self esteem) therefore every time my DC have been pushed, left out, called nasty names it’s “a symptom of their ADHD” and they don’t like me telling them off (I do anyway) because “they can’t help it”. We actually don’t go round any more, if we have the misfortune of seeing them it’s at PILs house and it can be kept to a minimum contact. I don’t just not love them I actively dislike them and despair that they will be connected to me for life (not sorry)

IMO family love is absolutely conditional EXCEPT for your own kids, obvs. Anything else goes.

Does it matter? If the feeling isn't there, it isn't there. Behave as if you do and either the feeling will come or it won't matter as no-one will know and you'll be doing the right thing for your kids by making sure they are close to their cousins. You never know, it might change as they get older.

This is the place to confess @Mh67 are you surprised? Did you think it would be automatic to bond?

My sister doesn’t like my DS. I like her DS.

I've never said it out loud but I have no feelings whatsoever for my grandchild. She looks nothing like her dad and we never bonded she is her mother's double.

I love all of mine and they span from 6 months to nearly 22! I love spending time with all of them for different reasons, the little ones satisfy my desire for baby times (mine are teens/adults) and the older ones are interesting!

It seems a bit odd. I have a lot of nephews and nieces and i am not really bothered about them but I don't dislike them.

How is your relationship with your sibling? for me this affects the relationship with my Ns.

You're mean. I can't imagine actively disliking children, particularly ones I was related to. This is on you. Awful.

Currently cuddled up in bed with my niece, so I'm clearly biased as I adore both my nieces and my nephew, but I think it's very odd (and sad) that they are nice people but you don't feel anything for them.

I presume you've know them all since birth- did you not love them automatically? I experienced 'love at first sight' with all three of mine on meeting them when they were each a few hours old.

My sil has 2 children, my only neice and nephew. They were very difficult dc who were allowed to be totally obnoxious to the detriment of my own dc. When they were young nephew wanted milk and sil took a half litre carton out the fridge and stuck a straw in it - he drank the lot. My dd1 wanted milk before she went to bed (we were staying at sil's) and she couldn't have any as nephew had drunk all the milk! Of course it was sil's fault not the dc but it didn't make me like them. They are adults now and still very self centered.

I love mine, so can’t really identify with this. Not the same as my own child of course, but I do love them. It would almost have been more understandable if you’d said you don’t love them but at least like them, especially given you haven’t described any annoying qualities or behaviours. How often do you see them OP? I am probably closer to my nephew than my nieces (different parent) because I used to babysit him a lot. But I love and like them all.

To me, it's not normal and very cold.

I'm fairly indifferent to mine but I don't inherently dislike them.