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Original poster

Beating myself up for opening my big mouth

39 replies

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 20:37

I’m worried I’ve ruined my sister in laws proposal by opening my big mouth!

Yesterday my sister in law and brother in law were around for Christmas Day and I get on well with both of them.

We were discussing holidays next year as we’re trying to plan a holiday for my MIL birthday, and my BIL said to my SIL that they were going away next new year to which my SIL said “yeah but we don’t have to” and my BIL got a bit quiet and soon after left the conversation.

I then opened my stupid big mouth and said “girl you gotta go away, you never know!! Wink wink, point at engagement ring finger”

A little later my BIL pulled me aside and said that he is in fact going to propose next year at new years.

Have I ruined it? Why am I such a big mouthed idiot! I text BIL to apologise but then deleted the messages because I didn’t want to further muddle, mess things up and now my SIL is questioning the messages and I’m just making it worse and worse!! I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling terrible.

OP posts:
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paradisecircus · 27/12/2024 11:16

Don't send any texts or mention it again - let it go. It wasn't that bad!

Catlord · 27/12/2024 10:55

KiraNerys1 · 26/12/2024 21:33

So he's planning on proposing in a YEAR?

Bollocks to that

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He might want to save for a ring (I know people propose with a ring that cost a tenner and stay married a lifetime but that may not be what this couple wants).

Echobelly · 26/12/2024 22:07

Honestly, just let it drop - it's not like you told her he'd told you he'd be proposing and she might well forget it before then.

GravyBoatWars · 26/12/2024 22:05

It was a minor, well-meaning foot in mouth moment (in general, don’t start talk of rings or babies if they’re not yours - it’s just too likely that there are big feelings or tension involved that you don’t know about) but one that was best to just completely ignore and move on from. When he told you what he was planning the best response was “ah! I didn’t know, I’ll be sure not to say anything else to clue her in. Let me know if you need any help with arrangements.” Done - no more discussion unless one of them brings it up directly. Definitely no texts.

gamerchick · 26/12/2024 22:02

You haven't done anything wrong OP

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/12/2024 21:56

You don't need to worry, you didn't do anything wrong at all x

DappledThings · 26/12/2024 21:37

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:36

I’d never thought it was that odd until you said it? They’ve been together since 2023 and money would probably be the reasons it’s not happening sooner?

That would explain having a long engagement and the actual wedding ot being till 2026. The ridiculous bit is that they are actually already engaged but she's still waiting for a formal proposal. It's just weird.

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:36

I’d never thought it was that odd until you said it? They’ve been together since 2023 and money would probably be the reasons it’s not happening sooner?

OP posts:
KiraNerys1 · 26/12/2024 21:33

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 20:44

Sorry yes nye 26, and wrote for ease, not BIL yet!

So he's planning on proposing in a YEAR?

Bollocks to that

CandyCane457 · 26/12/2024 21:32

OP I literally don’t think this is a big deal at all, honestly wouldn’t worry! It’s not even like he is planning to propose on holiday. He’s waiting a whole year and doing it at new years. You have done nothing wrong, I think it’s so fine.

SleepToad · 26/12/2024 21:32

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:23

I’m sorry this happened to you!
I agree that it wasn’t my finest moment, but I would never “keep going on” about something. It was a frivolous comment that was stupid to make. I would never ask about children, this has only ever been bought up by my SIL re kids and her timeline!

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Op sorry I went a bit postal...family fall out today which may have brought many things to a head...glad you haven't gone on about it and your big enough to admit the error. He doesn't want to marry her. That's obviously the sore you have put salt into 😨

ShortyShorts · 26/12/2024 21:31

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:09

Thanks, the reason was he got really defensive when SIL questioned it and said “we’re going I’ve already booked my holiday off” (his job means he needs to book annual leave in advance)

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Too strange.

I mean to be allowed to book his holiday for 2025/2026 in 2024.

Awrite · 26/12/2024 21:25

I can't get my head around any of this.

If you want to get married - propose. Don't wait a year.

If you want to get married, ask your intended. Don't tell an in-law a year in advance.

If you have jointly planned your wedding, arrange it.

Long drawn out indeed.

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:23

SleepToad · 26/12/2024 21:20

Sometimes you need to just shut the f up...my lovely cousin like a sister to me kept on about "when you going to have kids" " oh you've come to tell your pregnant " etc etc....she even asked the day after we found out we couldn't have kids.
you weren't being funny, Everyone else laughed..that's being a bully. You need to really really grovel as if I was your bil I would be really f ed off

I’m sorry this happened to you!
I agree that it wasn’t my finest moment, but I would never “keep going on” about something. It was a frivolous comment that was stupid to make. I would never ask about children, this has only ever been bought up by my SIL re kids and her timeline!

OP posts:
SleepToad · 26/12/2024 21:20

Sometimes you need to just shut the f up...my lovely cousin like a sister to me kept on about "when you going to have kids" " oh you've come to tell your pregnant " etc etc....she even asked the day after we found out we couldn't have kids.
you weren't being funny, Everyone else laughed..that's being a bully. You need to really really grovel as if I was your bil I would be really f ed off

Aliceglass · 26/12/2024 21:15

Tricho · 26/12/2024 20:43

There's a lesson here.

Don't pass comment on things that really dont concern you

Hopefully you won't start the "when are you having a baby??" Chat after this.

Yet here you are, passing comment on things that don’t concern you!?

ShrugGood · 26/12/2024 21:13

DappledThings · 26/12/2024 21:08

They're already engaged then. This only makes it more ridiculous and a total non-issue.

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I agree. If they are already saying they are getting married and have discussed this with everyone, they are already engaged to be married. The only thing missing is an engagement ring if they want one. What a load of bullshit with waiting until 2026 for a proposal. I don't think they understand how an engagement works.

Doggymummar · 26/12/2024 21:09

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 20:46

That’s what happened!

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Why is he waiting?

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:09

ShortyShorts · 26/12/2024 21:07

Why on earth would you think a couple going on holiday would mean one of them was going to propose?

I mean, it turned out you were right but what made you think it?

Either way, it's a whole year away, I wouldn't worry about it.

Thanks, the reason was he got really defensive when SIL questioned it and said “we’re going I’ve already booked my holiday off” (his job means he needs to book annual leave in advance)

OP posts:
DappledThings · 26/12/2024 21:08

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:07

Funnily enough they’ve planned their whole wedding and shared with us exactly how they want it to go including songs, food etc! (I’m not being sarcastic btw) they’re genuinely very open about their plans!

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They're already engaged then. This only makes it more ridiculous and a total non-issue.

ShortyShorts · 26/12/2024 21:07

Why on earth would you think a couple going on holiday would mean one of them was going to propose?

I mean, it turned out you were right but what made you think it?

Either way, it's a whole year away, I wouldn't worry about it.

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 21:07

WickedlyCharmed · 26/12/2024 21:04

You’ve made a crass comment with absolutely no idea whether marriage has been discussed or is on the cards for them.

It’s up there with “so when are you two going to have children then?”.

Anyway, it’s done now. And you haven’t ruined any proposal, if he wanted to propose he’d get on with it, not wait another 13 months.

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Funnily enough they’ve planned their whole wedding and shared with us exactly how they want it to go including songs, food etc! (I’m not being sarcastic btw) they’re genuinely very open about their plans!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2024 21:07

WickedlyCharmed · 26/12/2024 20:49

He’s no intention of proposing to her, but you really put him on the spot. I imagine it’s a sore point between them.

This. In over a year? Bullshit.

WickedlyCharmed · 26/12/2024 21:04

Trufflebutter24 · 26/12/2024 20:49

How did I put him on the spot? I didn’t say anything in front of him

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You’ve made a crass comment with absolutely no idea whether marriage has been discussed or is on the cards for them.

It’s up there with “so when are you two going to have children then?”.

Anyway, it’s done now. And you haven’t ruined any proposal, if he wanted to propose he’d get on with it, not wait another 13 months.

Catlord · 26/12/2024 20:55

I think it's fine. It's on the cards if not immediate so not like he's got no intention and you're winding her up.

I mean, don't mention this, babies, weight gain, or other delicate subjects again without thinking. You don't want to become known as someone who never thinks before speaking but this wasn't too bad.