Is it unreasonable to expect a 5 year old to occupy himself for periods of time?!

I would start leaving him to occupy himself for 5 minutes with a timer, tell him not to interrupt you. And then build up. Most children have to learn to occupy themselves.

Perfectly normal to ask another adult for some space. If you take offence to that that's your problem.

There's a bluey episode where mum 'just needs 20 minutes' and the dad supports her with that. Watch that together and start feeding it in to your day? I've done that

"I say I want some time alone and he needs to occupy himself"

Unfortunately at age 5 he's likely experiencing this as "go away I don't like you".
The more he feels pushed away the more he will be upset and cling. Likewise "asking him to be in a different room".

Does your DH ever ask you to be in a different room because he tells you he "needs to be in a different room" from you?
How would that feel to you?

Next time he waits for d c to wake and takes him with
Orcomes back before he wakes
Why is it all on op?

I agree with all of this.

DS1 was the same until age 8 when he discovered a love of Minecraft. He's since been diagnised with Aut/DHD. ExDH and I had to take turns in getting alone time in order for us to function properly. DS2 is NT and could occupy himself for short periods as soon as he was born! Or so it seemed in comparison. Feel for you, it's really tough when you don't get a second to yourself.

YANBU to want time to yourself and definitely feels like he should be able to entertain himself for some time. My DC is just turned 6, only child and has pretty much been occupying themselves since they opened the first toy yesterday. Had to drag DC out of their room for meals because too busy playing. I realize my DC is kind of strange though!

I came on to say DD is similar but actually nowhere near the same level as your ds. She will watch tv and have iPad occasionally. I really feel for you as I am fairly drained by DD's neediness

I have a (just turned) five year old. She has a big brother, so not having to occupy herself so much but she will definitely allow me 20 minutes to shower and get dressed. I may have to direct her a bit from the shower - "I'll pop that dress on your doll when I get out."/"Your new Lego is on the window sill." Sometimes she'll play for half an hour in a make believe world but not often. She'll do crafts for 45 minutes but she will need input every five minutes to keep her going. Same with dancing to Siri tunes. The largest chunks of self-directed play are outdoors with other kids but then, you know, I am sitting outdoors too! Your child sounds normal to me. My five year old needs a lot of cuddles, chats, check-ins etc. We let her watch video while we make dinner. That gives us a good chunk of time (for chores!).

It's not unreasonable or unrealistic, because when we were kids we did it. For hours sometimes. It just wasn't an expectation that our parents entertained us 24/7. Unfortunately, it seems that something we've done has made this generation unwilling to do it, I don't know what that is or I would have avoided it.

It helps with my DD when I use timers, e.g., I tell her I'm going to put a timer on and play with her for 15 minutes and then I'm going to put a timer on for 15 minutes and she'll need to play by herself during that time while I put on a load of washing (for example) and then I'll be able to play again. (15 mins example length of time). Something you could try? No idea if will be helpful / work with possibility of SEND that's been discussed though.

If the teachers are also struggling it's unlikely to be anything you've done wrong. DS likes routine so that can work for us. We still need to be nearby but he is used to DH eating breakfast while I shower for example so he tends to play independently for that short time. If you have a time in the day when he's happier to do a couple of minutes you might find you can turn that into a daily thing and then extend it. When DS was at preschool I also used to set the expectation that he did an activity at the table while I cooked (which didn't always work out, but the routine of it meant that sometimes it did and he knew it was then going to be dinner). It was usually a sensory thing like play doh or kinetic sand. He's quite tired since starting school so he usually has the iPad now but I'm hoping to go back to that at some point.

I hated the role play on the floor with dolls and action stuff etc, I did it by "I will play for x minutes then I need to go put the dish washer on etc, you carry on playing"
they do learn. Go do jobs, walk off, be firm.

"you need to go clean your room/put x away etc" give him a task to do... while you shower or whatever then tell him you will check if after if its done, tons of praise

boring but it will work!!

good luck

There’s a book called ‘I’m almost never bored’ by Julia Donaldson which is really good.

I don’t want to be ‘that’ person but are there any other adhd concerns? My son is autistic and adhd and sounds very similar with the inability to be alone, incredibly intense interaction all day, can’t play but then can obsess and fixate on things like numbers and cutting paper…
what does he play with you? And yes you should definitely be able to shower! Slowly little bits of time at a go “mummy will do this for two minutes look you can see me” and come back, then can increase. This is if it’s separation anxiety.

It's a reasonable expectation at five. We built up gradually with a few minutes from very early on eg letting her hold a sieve or spoon or something in a bouncy chair or the playpen whilst I unloaded the dishwasher. There's been a period of time every single day since birth when no one's been interacting with her. Obviously only a very few minutes early on, but it builds up.

I know mine was easily occupying herself for a couple of hours at five as that was during Covid and made it much easier to manage work as well. She could do it at four too.

We did a toy rotation so there was something "new" to play with each week. Had pile of books, paper and pens available. Used the Groclock nap setting so she knew when to count down to, after the sun came up we'd then play a game together.

A 5 year old should be able to be left in front of a TV with breakfast while you shower and get dressed, yes.