Is it unreasonable to expect a 5 year old to occupy himself for periods of time?!

A couple of hours each morning to shower exercise and journal.
wow.
not saying I wouldn’t like this myself, but I haven’t achieve this at all. Only now my son is 10 would i have that, except I have a younger child who chats endlessly.

and says they feel lonely if I don’t spend my time with her.

We can only achieve a couple of hours if he has access to the tv as he pleases. If we say he can watch 30/45 mins and then he has to play, then he’s bothering us straight away. He likes being able to watch 10 minutes and then he goes off and plays for a bit and then goes back to it. Then back to his toys again for another play. In reality, he won’t watch that much more tv, he just wants likes pottering about knowing that nobody will turn it off if he’s paused it - which in turn means he’s less glued to the sofa as he knows he can go back. Our change in mindset and trying to control his time means that everyone is more relaxed and we get to things we enjoy too.

Op I know you said there’s not much interest in tv/ipad, but have you tried the YouTube videos of parents and children ‘unboxing’ toys ?

DS1 sounds very similar. Demands intense focus and interaction all day and can’t cope with being left on his own, shy of maybe 15 minutes in front of the TV. Also struggles with children his own age. Very verbal and emotionally sensitive. Views requests to play independently as a threat.

DS2 is only a toddler but already will happily potter around the room entertaining himself without me needing to be constantly interacting with him. DS1 has never been like this. He needed constant interaction from being a tiny baby.

DS1 is neurodiverse (autism diagnosed, awaiting ADHD assessment next year). Early days but I have no reason to suspect DS2 is anything but neurotypical.

My experience is, most 5 year olds prefer to play with someone else, but most will entertain themselves for a brief spell begrudgingly. The ones who absolutely cannot are the ones who maybe need a closer eye on development more generally.

I came to say, surely he can play in the same room as you, but saw he doesn't

Sorry, op, that sounds stressful - understand feeling overstimulated and just needing a 'mummy minute' x

My DC isn't great at playing by themselves for very long at all and much prefers doing something with us. Even watching TV, they want us to sit with them.

However... If I ask them to go and get dressed then I can go into their room a good half hour later to find them still in PJ's and playing with something, or making something etc. I ask them again to get dressed and it's at least half an hour before they are actually dressed!

So basically, give him a job that is fairly boring to do and he might happily procrastinate for ages and you can get stuff done!

DD 4 will do short stretches depending on where she is. I guess it is partly expectation as I have noticed at her grandparents house she requires constant attention from every adult in the room at all times, to the point it's hard to have a conversation. We've just been there to visit and I told her that we're not going to watch Wallace and Gromit tonight as we're both too tired after she made herself the centre of attention for 3 solid hours and none of us had a moment to catch up with my parents. She is not like that at home.

Well yes, I think you have to develop a level of comfort with his occasional unhappiness or distress OP to break the dynamic. Loving but firm with the emphasis on the firm. Neither of mine were as you describe and it would have absolutely done my head in of they were. I NEVER did the unbroken hours and hours of endless playing and interaction, from the get go I carved out periods of time where I was doing something else, either housework or showering, reading, talking on the phone, taking my turn watching a programme on the television, etc. You run your household, not your child..

My eldest was like this, even as a young toddler my friends would think it weird he insisted on sitting at the table in a high chair and joining in every conversation rather than playing or drawing.

The only toy he has ever really liked is board games.

Learning to read was a complete game changer and turned him from a very clingy toddler into a semi reclusive reading child.

My 5 yo son could happily watch TV for hours, but otherwise can hardly occupy himself at all and needs constant attention, he even needs someone to go upstairs with him or to the toilet. He will play with his younger brother for a bit though.

If it's only me and him at home and I need to shower, he just comes in the bathroom with me.

We suspect he has ADHD and are trying to get help from the school with this. I would recommend you read up about it and see if your son fits the symptoms. But to warn you, it can be quite a battle. In my area a child can only go on the waiting list for an ND assessment if the referral comes through the school, but as my son is not disruptive at school the teachers don't see him as a problem.

And sounds harsh but let him sit there cuddling his teddy and go and do what you need to do

I was about for write this

Too many kids can't play alone as have never been left alone to play

Maybe I'm lucky but yes dd now 7 but from 18mths or so would happily play with toys alone for a while

Obv as got older she would play for longer

Can he read ? Dd loves reading and will often take her self off to playroom /bedroom and have a read to chill but I love reading and have read to her every day from Tiny

Yes some children could entertain themselves at 5. Yours can't so expecting it is unreasonable.

You need to tag team with your dh to carve out time for your self.

In terms of your son playing independently find solo activities he enjoys like the paper cutting. Role model the activity and support him to do it. When he is able to do it independently leave him a couple of minutes then return. Increase this gradually until you can leave him several minutes without him getting distressed. Then you have your break.

My son has asd he is nine he needs support with dressing, homework, playing games/crafts. He can do his switch, watchtv, eat and sleep independently . Most other things he needs support with.

No way would my eldest play for 2 hours without interaction at that age. Even now (8) she'd play for about 45 minutes, and then want 5 minutes to tell me about her game, then go back to playing for another 45 minutes. she likes to check in with me. Isn't that normal? If DH and I are both in the house and at leisure we'd occasionally speak to each other. I think that's normal and polite.

Children without siblings are likely to want you for company now and then.

My eldest DD is like this. (Incidentally now being assessed for Autism/adhd). My youngest will happily occupy herself for 20 mins age 5.

The only way I had time to myself was to agree to play with her, start something together, then when she was engrossed pop off briefly (but not be far) and keep checking in. So could fit a shower in.

When I say “you go play, I’m doing X” it would cause a fight.
That said TV or a tablet would at least occupy her for 15 mins by 5, that’s quite unusual. if it’s the separation or rejection he’s bothered by I’d try those incremental minutes of nipping away whilst notionally being engaged together and build up.

But it’s hard. Some kids require so much more input !