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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to go to the pub on Boxing Day every year?

111 replies

Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:07

My in laws having a family tradition where the whole family goes to the pub on Boxing Day for a few hours.

This starts at about 11 and everyone has to be there on time.

The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer.

Now that we have dc I don't want to participate in this tradition. In laws live around a 45 minute drive away. The dc want to stay home and play with their toys. It's boring. The men get drunk and act stupid.

Aibu to not want to go?

OP posts:
BurntBroccoli · 26/12/2024 19:34

Presume all the women are designated drivers too?

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2024 19:34

Grim. Leave them to their 1970s nostalgia fest, divorce him and find people from the 21st century to hang out with.

NewName24 · 26/12/2024 19:30

Of course YANBU.

You need to discuss it with your dh and see what he wants to do first - if he wants to do the same as you or not - but the only options for me would be to go direct to the house for food and seeing everyone, or not going at all.

Runningoutofthyme · 26/12/2024 19:29

Well if they won’t compromise, I wouldn’t either
Just don’t go

PlantDoctor · 26/12/2024 19:27

Sounds awful. Very old fashioned in all the wrong ways. Sexism, ignoring kids needs, huge overconsumption of alcohol (don't mind a drink but that's mad, especially with kids about!). Hell no.

Sirzy · 26/12/2024 19:25

Don’t offer a comprise. Stand firm and say “that doesn’t work for us”

Let DH go if he wants but don’t force the children into what they aren’t happy with

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/12/2024 19:23

all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer

Fuck that

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 26/12/2024 19:23

Posts like this make me appreciate my MiL all the more. We do Christmas in our home now but when we went to hers I cooked the veggie main and helped with the veggies and roasties, SiL did her bit too and once the meal was done she wouldn't let us so much as touch a plate as 'the women cooked so the men can clean' and we went upstairs to sit by the fire with a drink.

Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:21

Previously I've offered compromises of just going into the pub for half an hour then back for the food. Just going for the food.

But it's all non negotiable. Everyone has to be their on time.

It goes on from around 11 until late into the evening. It's horrible. The dc are bored, tired. There is a little outside area at the pub but it's often cold and wet and no one wants to go outside to supervise.

OP posts:
IsleofDen · 26/12/2024 19:20

Most of my life my dad has run a pub, life revolves around it and we did spend our day there yesterday. But my kids have access to the upstairs, can take their presents to play with, neither me nor my dad drink much (nothing yesterday) and the pub is only open 4 hours on Christmas Day, so it’s not the same.

In your shoes I would absolutely refuse to go.

GreyBlackBay · 26/12/2024 19:18

I'd quite have liked this as an option pre DC but what do those with kids do? Surely not take them to the pub or have them around drunk family members?

You stay home. Maybe you'll give some of the others the guts to do the same.

UndeniablyGenXmasOfAWomblingMerryType · 26/12/2024 19:17

No, daytime piss-up not my scene, I'd swerve it.

Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:17

So previously I have let myself be forced into this ridiculous facade, but this year I said enough is enough.

Last year I said that I'd either stay in the pub with dh or he could come back and help with the dc and the buffet. To be fair dh was fine about it but I had snide remarks from fil and dh's uncles about dh being under the thumb.

I've offered to go just for the food but they'd not good enough apparently.

Dh doesn't want to go without us all but in laws are rather upset as us spoiling their family tradition.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 26/12/2024 19:15

This whole set up sounds so shit for the kids.
What kid wants to sit in the pub for hours rather than being at home playing with new toys?

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2024 19:15

I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t have a problem with saying no to this. I know my DH wouldn’t want to do this as well and tbh if he would - I would think lesser of him.

EvelynBeatrice · 26/12/2024 19:15

The best thing about Scotland is that the children wouldn’t be allowed in so this couldn’t happen.

aCatCalledFawkes · 26/12/2024 19:14

No stay at home, however you could turn up when it's about lunch time so he can pay for lunch unless you really don't want to go.
A whole day in the pub is a bit much but it could also be sociable for a while.

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2024 19:14

In laws used to do this xmas Day.
Men went to the pub while the women stayed and cooked (and got sloshed on gin). I am not keen on pubs so I didn't mind but once we had DC I told DH it wasn't happening. He wasn't bothered to be fair.

BookGoblin · 26/12/2024 19:14

Tell DH you're in as long as he takes food prep role.

SemperIdem · 26/12/2024 19:14

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 26/12/2024 19:10

I like a pub and this kind of tradition but in these circumstances,.no YANBU. I detest the whole idea of the men being left to get pissed and the women having to go and get food ready for when they deign to stagger home. I wouldn't participate in that bit anyway but with kids in tow, absolutely not. Stay at home with the kids and your DH can do what he likes.

My thoughts exactly.

Not on this planet or any other would I be being sent off to “prep a buffet” like a good little wife. In addition this specific set up sounds tremendously boring for the children.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 26/12/2024 19:14

Absolutely not.

Pre kids I would've enjoyed getting pissed and now would be happy to go for a couple but the idea of men getting drunk while women work can get to fuck. It's an awful thing for kids to witness too - the gender roles, not a few beers.

Runningoutofthyme · 26/12/2024 19:14

It’s a tradition I would of taken part in for all of one year tbh

yanbu - going forward pop over to drop dh off and say hi with the dc then go back home to enjoy a chilled day with your dc
your dh can sort himself out

MyNimbleViewer · 26/12/2024 19:14

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Daleksatemyshed · 26/12/2024 19:13

Not at all, why should you have to drag your DC to the pub so their Dad can get drunk, especially since you're then expected to go to your In laws and make tea whilst the men stay at the pub? If it's no fun for you or your DC I'd be staying at home

MyNimbleViewer · 26/12/2024 19:13

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