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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to go to the pub on Boxing Day every year?

111 replies

Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:07

My in laws having a family tradition where the whole family goes to the pub on Boxing Day for a few hours.

This starts at about 11 and everyone has to be there on time.

The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer.

Now that we have dc I don't want to participate in this tradition. In laws live around a 45 minute drive away. The dc want to stay home and play with their toys. It's boring. The men get drunk and act stupid.

Aibu to not want to go?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 26/12/2024 20:53

I wouldn’t allow my children to participate in that kind of blatant sexism. I’m also not a fan of being around people who get really drunk, but the sexism is a complete non-starter. I’ve made myself unpopular with Dh’s family more than once by refusing to just go along.

CharlotteCChapel · 26/12/2024 20:53

This was every Sunday when I I grew up.

HadEnoughOfThisPish · 26/12/2024 20:47

Fuck that shit. Well done for standing your ground OP. That 'tradition' can get in the fucking bin. Why would any woman put up with that crap every year?

CurbsideProphet · 26/12/2024 20:44

Your in-laws sound awful. Does it really matter that they're annoyed you didn't go this year? Your DH thinks all families hang around the pub all day, the women prepare the buffet for the men, and then drive them home at the end of the night...Hopefully he can join the modern world this year!

MyNimbleViewer · 26/12/2024 20:41

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MyNimbleViewer · 26/12/2024 20:39

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Gowlett · 26/12/2024 20:38

Fair play to you, Fluffy! Sounds like a lovely day.

You are the change you wanted to see.

Same in my family, men having fun while women work…
I said no when my dad tried to get me to make the breakfast's. But I did help my mother with dinner. Poor woman.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2024 20:37

Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 20:28

@MyNimbleViewer I didn't go this year, I thought I'd did in a previous post that this year I said enough is enough.

But my in laws are not happy.

Wow so your in laws are disappointed that you declined to force your children to have to observe their parents drink themselves into a stupour while being facilitated by women like something out of a bad 60 year old sitcom?

Is there anything redeeming about this family?

If I were you I would be thinking quite hard about whether I wanted my kids brought up in this environment. It sounds like they are going to be basically raised to be alcoholics.

GCAcademic · 26/12/2024 20:35

Dh doesn't want to go without us all but in laws are rather upset as us spoiling their family tradition.

Some traditions deserve to die.

NotSorry · 26/12/2024 20:31

You’re an adult, you can choose whether or not you want to go. Well done for not going. You might find others follow suit next year.

Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 20:31

Imonmyway · 26/12/2024 20:23

So what did you do today ?

Sounds awful. Pre children I might have give in to this (although wouldn't have been too keen on going home to cook) but after children not a chance. Take children to a pub and entertain them while all the men get drunk?? Sounds awful.

We did what I've always wanted to do and stayed at home. The dc have played and we've ate and relaxed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 20:28

@MyNimbleViewer I didn't go this year, I thought I'd did in a previous post that this year I said enough is enough.

But my in laws are not happy.

OP posts:
MyNimbleViewer · 26/12/2024 20:26

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Imonmyway · 26/12/2024 20:23

So what did you do today ?

Sounds awful. Pre children I might have give in to this (although wouldn't have been too keen on going home to cook) but after children not a chance. Take children to a pub and entertain them while all the men get drunk?? Sounds awful.

TwinkleLights24 · 26/12/2024 20:23

It sounds very dated to me but my ex also had this tradition. I’d see my own family instead.

Onlyvisiting · 26/12/2024 20:19

Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:21

Previously I've offered compromises of just going into the pub for half an hour then back for the food. Just going for the food.

But it's all non negotiable. Everyone has to be their on time.

It goes on from around 11 until late into the evening. It's horrible. The dc are bored, tired. There is a little outside area at the pub but it's often cold and wet and no one wants to go outside to supervise.

I'm sorry- are you saying they drag the kids along to this elongated piss up?? To what, sit in a pub and watch all their relatives get drunk? Kids in pubs for meals- fine. Kids hanging around a bar full of people drinking alcohol, definitely not fine.

The whole thing sounds like a misogynistic 1970 nightmare and I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2024 20:16

@Fluffyandfestive

Dh has in the past made me out to be strange as apparently that just what everyone does on Boxing Day.

It really isn’t what everyone does unless “everyone” is Jim Davidson and his mates.

Sorry but your husband’s family sound like complete throwbacks.

GoodnightIrene · 26/12/2024 20:15

Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:43

No never. The women have to walk back early to prep the food and the women clear up the mess after the buffet too.

No one else seems to think this is strange at all.

Show quote history

This has similarities with the set-up my sister married into in the early 1980s (yep, THAT far back in time and it's STILL going on 🥱).
On her childrens' birthday party days her in-laws and their friends would all descend on her & her H's house and immediately divide up - the men gathering together on the booze whilst the women busied themselves with party preparations and the bulk of the childcare. Now and then one or other of the men would lob a mocking remark at the women. Such larks!
Early evening after each party all the men would disappear down to the local pub leaving the women to clear up and stay sober not only to "babysit" responsibly but also to drive everyone safely home.
This happened time and time again.
It was an accepted ritual.
But I was never happy with it and on one occasion I suggested to my sister's (otherwise very pleasant) FIL that the women went to the pub whilst the men stayed in and babysat.
He looked at me as if I'd suggested he chop off some vital organ. He was quite literally speechless; had absolutely no response to such an outrageous idea!
DS always capitulated to BIL, hence he and I have never got on as I think for myself.
(My parents loathed him too but that's another story).

Alalalala · 26/12/2024 19:49

Does your H not accept how sexist it is?

BurntBroccoli · 26/12/2024 19:45

You aren't being weird. I just tell him you and the kids are staying at home on Boxing Day. He can go if he wants.

Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:43

Flossflower · 26/12/2024 19:41

YANBU
Apart from the attitudes of the men, which is appalling, it must be a really boring day for the kids. Do the men ever reciprocate?
Just don’t go.

No never. The women have to walk back early to prep the food and the women clear up the mess after the buffet too.

No one else seems to think this is strange at all.

OP posts:
Flossflower · 26/12/2024 19:41

YANBU
Apart from the attitudes of the men, which is appalling, it must be a really boring day for the kids. Do the men ever reciprocate?
Just don’t go.

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/12/2024 19:39

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 26/12/2024 19:10

I like a pub and this kind of tradition but in these circumstances,.no YANBU. I detest the whole idea of the men being left to get pissed and the women having to go and get food ready for when they deign to stagger home. I wouldn't participate in that bit anyway but with kids in tow, absolutely not. Stay at home with the kids and your DH can do what he likes.

This

Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:37

BurntBroccoli · 26/12/2024 19:34

Presume all the women are designated drivers too?

You've got that right.

I wanted to be sure that I'm not being the weird one. Dh has in the past made me out to be strange as apparently that just what everyone does on Boxing Day.

He can see that even the dc don't want to go as they're getting old enough to voice their own views.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffyandfestive · 26/12/2024 19:35

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2024 19:34

Grim. Leave them to their 1970s nostalgia fest, divorce him and find people from the 21st century to hang out with.

This did make me smile.

OP posts:
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