To not want to go to the pub on Boxing Day every year?

WTF, how the hell do men justify staying and getting drunk while the women prep food, in 2024!

I wouldn't go tbh...just saying....our tradition here is we buy n cook beef, b-i-l buys turkey and then it's cook veg..Christmas this year will be strained..other b-i-l (mid 50s)has been arrested for dealing class As. Dad died in february. It's his mums birthday and wedding anniversary on the 23rd December.
Hmmm could I come to yours?

Are you ever allowed to see your side of the family?

That was my thought, too.

That is a huge amount of alcohol.
I'm glad you made a stand this year @Fluffyandfestive and that your dh backed you.

The demands of his family throughout the year are preposterous. Hopefully this will give you the confidence to say no more often.

To be honest, I've spent the last 6 months in therapy trying to work out how and why I lost the ability to stand up for myself for so long. Turns out I was being emotionally abused for years without even realising, broken down until I got to the point where I thought this was a normal way for him to behave and I was wrong for having an issue with it.

I wouldn’t have agreed to do that with one toddler, let alone two, no matter what was ‘expected’ of me!

My STBXH and his parents, brother and SIL used to fuck off to the pub every Christmas day at midday until the dinner was ready at about 2.30 ... this continued when we had DC, so I used to be left with 2 toddlers on Christmas morning, and expected to prepare Christmas dinner for 8 on my own while they indulged the true love of their lives ... alcohol.
Wankers.

They're out of their mind if they expect your kids to put up with that sort of experience for bloody hours. Glad you backed away. Here's to more of the same in 2025!

Good for you op. And good for your dh. It all sounds terribly dull. And so boring and unsafe for the kids if everyone is drinking.

Exh's family were like this. Pretty much a group of enablers/alcoholics. I put my foot down and refused to go out drinking with them once the children were born , exh continued to drink excessively.

That is a lot of alcohol. People can’t neck that much as a one off. To drink that much you need to be used to drinking a lot frequently. Sound like a clan of alcoholics

I’m glad your DH stayed home with you and your children. I hope he starts preferring it that way and sees enjoying his family is more important than pleasing his relatives.

“…but I had snide remarks from fil and dh's uncles about dh being under the thumb.”

Ugh. Can’t believe there are still dinosaurs like this, and women who pander to it. I’m glad you’re breaking the mould op. Good for you. Sexist attitudes like this should not be tolerated, especially by parents bringing up a new generation.

That sounds awful, so it’s not even like your kids have anyone to play with-just sitting watching their relatives get pissed the male ones waited on!

What happened at Easter/other bank holidays?

Yeah, this used to be a thing in my youth back in the 60s and 70s, men getting drunk all day while the women did the grunt work and the children ran amok. To be fair, it could be fun for the children if there were other kids around .
But the whole thing is a throwback to times when it was thought to be a woman’s job to serve her menfolk, so fuck that!
This century, we are more aware of the issues involved in getting drunk in charge of or in front of children , and the whole set up seems very old fashioned.

It sounds like a very selfish festivity with no thought for your children and if they're enjoying it. If you already see them on Christmas day you definitely shouldn't be putting up with this.

They sound absolutely insufferable. With luck it'll be easier to say 'no' in future now that you've done it once. So what if the in-laws aren't happy? What's the worst they can actually do?

Say no. DP can go if he wants. You don’t want to drag kids out. Go for buffet if you want but just tell MIL and reason. She may not be happy but meh your kids trump all that.

Not my cup of tea at all. Kids wouldn’t have enjoyed it when they were young, either. Stay home.

the cousin has moved to another country so long since broke away from the traditions and obligation

Someone had their head screwed on! I bet that cousin is grateful for the distance every day.

It's not that they are bad people, but in my opinion they are old fashioned and unbelievably sexist. They are very demanding and set in their ways. They demand a lot of our time and expect us to do things their way.

They are bad people. This level of demanding control is incredibly toxic. I wouldn't stand for it a minute longer but then I wouldn't have stood for it for a minute in the first place.

She doesn't even ask she just tells me to keep it free because she's hosting the whole family. I've had enough of it all I don't feel as though my life is my own

Keep that "I've had enough" energy. You're an adult and no one should be telling you what to do. MIL can go fuck herself, frankly.

I wonder if now you've broken with one tradition your DH might feel able to stand up to his family more often. If it's all adults then there's not much pleasure for your DC. Why don't you book something child friendly for Easter?

Glad your DH didn’t go! What did the in laws say?

I wouldn’t bother going. Fine if you’re into that sort of thing but your children understandably aren’t. So don’t go. Send your husband off with a wave if he wants to go and stay home and do your own thing. And don’t tiptoe round him if he’s hungover the next day.

I will say, before kids I’d happily go to the pub but would I bollocks be meekly heading off early to prepare a buffet while the blokes enjoy themselves.

I’d probably go for the food, but not if the men are five pints deep by then.
I don’t think alcohol and children mix (not talking a glass of wine/beer) but getting drunk absolutely not.