Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

Because men aren’t nurturers by design.

This. 🤷‍♀️

@MumWifeOther ”I believe kids are better off with a parent”

just because my child wasn’t glued to me 24/7 during the early years doesn’t mean children of stay at home mothers are “better off”. My child liked the socialising of part time Creche and I don’t think it does children any harm at all. in fact I believe it does them good. For the record my dh would have supported me not to work if I wished but I would never chose not to work.

i think it’s so important for children to see that women can work and that women’s careers are just as important as men’s. Plus I wouldn’t know what to be at when they were at school… so boring !

How come it’s always about women “doing it all” never men. I really think this mentality needs to change. It’s so old fashioned.

Ok 😅

Not at all, I should have said it can sometimes (I think I did but maybe it didn’t!). I do think there’s huge pressure on women to do it all, and without the right support, it can really add so much of a strain. Also, for me personally, I believe kids are better off with a parent during the early years if possible and it’s so important to have a parent dropping off / picking up from school, and being present at home and during the holidays. Ultimately, it’s different for everyone and that’s fine.

I think you'd find you weren't very employable.
Hopefully for you the need to work won't arise.

Yes but your message implies but parents working leads to huge stress and couples splitting up. My parents both worked and are together over 40 years..there is nothing wrong with having a career as a woman I worked hard for my degree and career and I work yes but I’ve been around for all my dcs milestones. That’s great that you are happy though I’m really glad for you.

That’s up to you and it’s great that you’re happy. I prefer being a stay at home
mum and while ive had brief stints working, it really brings me zero fulfilment long term.

But she's not a mum

@MumWifeOther being a working mum isn’t all doom and gloom you know. I’d be bored stiff at home and I would absolutely hate to have to rely on a man for money. the thoughts of it makes my skin crawl actually. Both my parents worked when I was a child also.

Of course. And there are many over worked, over stressed, under supported women trying to raise kids and have a career, maintain relationships which fail due to stress load and time restraints, with kids also being ferried to breakfast club and after school childcare and taking their first steps in nurseries because I believe this society has failed in supporting families to manage things effectively.

I already said if previous posts to be honest about your intentions from the start to safe guard your position should the marriage fail.

With regards to employability, I have twice wanted to work during our marriage after having given up work.

I started a business with my mum, which was successful for a good 4 years but with market changes it no longer can provide us both an income so I’ve stepped away and she now runs it alone.

The other when my children all started school and felt at a bit of a loose end, so I was working from home doing 15 hours a week. I’ve left that job now too after 2 years as kids picked up extra curricular things and I felt I needed those 3 hours in the day to run the house more smoothly, which it has done.

Just because I had been out of work doesn’t mean I don’t have a skill set and I can’t get a job if I need / want one!

I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want a career or at least a job. It's a huge part of a person's identity as well as giving oneself financial independence. I'm over 60 and all my friends have / have had careers alongside their husband / partner. Yes some of us worked part time after having children or in the run up to retirement, but it makes no sense otherwise.

OP a busy person fits in a lot more into their every day than a person of leisure. If you're already too tired to work full time, you'll be lounging around at home, not leaping around making every surface sparkle and prepping complicated home cooked meals from scratch every day. Imo it's easier to be motivated by the demands of a job than by the endless chores that could be tackled but, other than cooking, washing and some essential cleaning, can be ignored for a while.

And why make less money for no reason- it would be cheaper to have a cleaner for a few hours a week and learn to cook some quick easy meals from scratch- if it takes longer than half an hour, I don't bother on a work day (or most others, come to that).

I don't know any men who would be happy to support their wife to be at home part time without children in the mix

I do know men and women who would be happy for their spouse to be a stay at home parent. That's a bit different because looking after young children is a full time job.

Pre kids, we had a cleaner for 3 hours a week which was more than enough with two of us mostly out at work all day, did a couple of loads of washing and cooked in the evening. Almost everything I cook is "from scratch" and usually takes under 30 mins.

This is a good suggestion but at the same time how unclean can a house with 2 adults be. I just can’t understand why the cleaning has become an issue that would motivate the op to go part time.

I'd work full time but get a cleaner that you both contribute to!

No he’s not.

Why should he have to “carry” her when there’s no DCs? She wants to go part time to cook. Something we all have to do, whether we work part time, full time or not at all.

I work part time but that’s because I have a child. My DH would have definitely not been happy if I had wanted to work part time prior to this.

Giving up work even before you were married because you weren't interested in a career?

What will you do if your marriage fails and you're left on your own and with no employability skills at all?

There are many cultures around the world in which this is the norm and is an excuse to subjugate women.

No it isn’t. There are many cultures around the world in which this is the norm. A lot of men like to be providers. It’s embedded in their nature.

Put it this way - I know of many men who are happy with this set up. I do not know of any women who are.

This.

And SAH isn't power, it's precarious dependence.

This, x100.

And I would argue that securing our old age takes precedence. If, after doing that, one can still afford children, that's fine. Otherwise you're just rolling the dice with the possibility of becoming a burden to those around you.

Agree. Men as providers is antiquated, as is women as recipients. It promotes an antiquated dysfunctional dynamic