Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

That works for many people. For my family, it works better the way we do it. As I mentioned, we have had 2 fairly brief stints were I was earning too and it took away from what I give to my family. I never wanted a career as I always wanted to be a SAHM. I suppose I’ve never seen the appeal in a career, just as you can not see the appeal in being a SAHM.

You are right.

To be honest it doesn't matter who he is and what the plans are because nobody can predict a person's decision five, ten or twenty years later.

I do see that it can be a vulnerable position, which is why I think you need to safeguard against being left struggling from the start. It obviously requires the husband to value the sacrifice of the woman, and provide financial security in the event of separation / death, at least as much as he would provide that for himself. In many ways I believe with support the husband can become more successful which should hopefully help with regards to investments, assets, pensions etc.

I suppose that’s why the OP really needs to consider whether her husband is the right person for her. If he views her as a burden there’s a high chance it could end badly.

My advice would be to be honest from the start and plan as early as possible too as to how this arrangement should work to protect you both.

We both contribute to raising and supporting our family. I don’t see why it should just be my job or why I need to give up my career to do it.

The problem isn't the role as such and I appreciate you feelings. The problem is the extreme financial vulnerability SAHP are in.

In the case of relationship end or loss of a spouse, then reality can sharply differ.

No career to step back into, no decent pension. Also what happens when the children grow? How do you then define the role for yourself ?

I never was interested in not having a career. And I did see my mother struggle when my father left. She never achieved professionally what she was was well capable of. If she had have stayed working, her life and choices would have been protected.

I suppose it depends how much you value you place on raising and supporting your family. For me personally, it’s the most important job anyone can do and an honour. I’ve never felt less than a man because I don’t have a career. Quite the opposite if I’m honest. I understand that it’s different for everyone though.

We both contribute to raising and supporting our family. I don’t see why it should just be my job or why I need to give up my career to do it.

I suppose it depends how much you value you place on raising and supporting your family. For me personally, it’s the most important job anyone can do and an honour. I’ve never felt less than a man because I don’t have a career. Quite the opposite if I’m honest. I understand that it’s different for everyone though.

I’m the opposite. I find it unattractive for a man to expect his wife to throw away her own career in favour of his own and to think that women are good for nothing but having babies, cooking and cleaning.

There are plenty of men who want to provide for their partners and find it very attractive to have a partner who wants to
invest her time supporting him, their family and looking after herself.

For a start, in Islam, the husband is required to provide for his wife and family. If for any reason the woman wants to work, the money is considered hers alone and not to be used to support the family. It’s considered haram to take money from your wife.

I find it grossly unattractive for a man to not be able to provide for his family.

She hasn’t said she wants to be a mum full stop.
Just making the point it won’t be super easy to find a man who wants a woman whose ambition in life is to be kept.
it’s not a very attractive ambition in a person is it ?

What a load of shit.

What a horrible man.

Please think carefully about having children with him.

Not at all, I should have said it can sometimes (I think I did but maybe it didn’t!). I do think there’s huge pressure on women to do it all, and without the right support, it can really add so much of a strain. Also, for me personally, I believe kids are better off with a parent during the early years if possible and it’s so important to have a parent dropping off / picking up from school, and being present at home and during the holidays. Ultimately, it’s different for everyone and that’s fine.

But it’s not a case of being a better parent in my view, it’s what I believe to be opitmal
for the child.

I don’t think I’m a better parent simply because my children came out of my vagina - don’t be obtuse. I’ve said many, many times that the fact I birthed my kids makes me by default the better caregiver due to the natural and innate bond we will have formed. Biologically speaking, fetomaternal stem cell transfer occurs in all pregnancies and in humans the fetal cells can persist for decades. We are literally designed to be nurterers. If I was abusive or unwell, then this would be different. But to put it simply, my husband and I love our children the same and he’s a wonderful dad. He still doesn’t have the bond I do with my kids or the natural intuition I have, and he never will, because he’s their dad. I’m not sure I can explain this better.

We should have what we want in life though

Or at least aim for it. Not every woman wants to be a kept woman but some do

And there are men out there who want to take care of their wives in that way. Each to their own. But if op wants to be a stay at home mum, I think she's just got a glimpse of the man she'll be facing

But it’s not a case of being a better parent in my view, it’s what I believe to be opitmal
for the child.

I don’t think I’m a better parent simply because my children came out of my vagina - don’t be obtuse. I’ve said many, many times that the fact I birthed my kids makes me by default the better caregiver due to the natural and innate bond we will have formed. Biologically speaking, fetomaternal stem cell transfer occurs in all pregnancies and in humans the fetal cells can persist for decades. We are literally designed to be nurterers. If I was abusive or unwell, then this would be different. But to put it simply, my husband and I love our children the same and he’s a wonderful dad. He still doesn’t have the bond I do with my kids or the natural intuition I have, and he never will, because he’s their dad. I’m not sure I can explain this better.

😱 not a WORKING MUM!

We should have what we want in life though

Or at least aim for it. Not every woman wants to be a kept woman but some do

And there are men out there who want to take care of their wives in that way. Each to their own. But if op wants to be a stay at home mum, I think she's just got a glimpse of the man she'll be facing

@mumofoneAlonebutokay That’s life though isn’t it ? We don’t always get what we want all the time in life. Most people have to work, both men and women.

If the op wants to run and find another man who wants to work full time to fund her cooking from scratch and cleaning good luck to her. As someone previously suggested I wouldn’t be putting it on my dating profile anyway…