Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

I don't care whether you agree with traditional gender roles or not, why would that offend me? You are entitled to your opinion. If only you extended that courtesy to others and stopped projecting.

No nerve hit at all, just pointing out veiled insults are usually disguising some fairly strong feelings (usually jealousy) otherwise why would anyone feel the need to make such comments. You are the one getting worked up over other women's choices.

You are not being unreasonable to want to work part time but equally he is not being unreasonable to want you to contribute more equally financially. Maybe look at dividing more the household labour?

I get feeling exhausted. I find it hard to stay on top of working full time cooking and cleaning and there is only me in my household so if I had to labour for another person I would find it beyond exhausting.

I actually see many more threads pop up where working women can't afford to leave, considering 72.1% of women work.

This notion that having a job in place will save you from financial ruin upon separation is bollocks (unless you have a highly paid career and are able to live off your single salary alone) Most do not.

The average wage for women in the UK is £26,878 with a median of £22,776 so the majority are not earning enough to run a house, car, or feed a family without contribution from either a partner or benefits. So if a SAHM without anything in place, got herself a job she wouldn't be any worse off than the majority of women who have found themselves single for whatever reason. Though, I'd point out SAHM tend to be married to higher earners so that means higher divorce settlements and higher life insurance pay outs.

Even with things put in place, it is still a risk
That would depend on the things put in place.

As an example:

Sharon earning £32k pa married to John earning £40k pa with a limited amount of interest in a modest combined house and 3 kids, is ending up with shit all at the end of it.

Tracey a SAHM married to David earing £150k pa with interest in an expensive house and 3 kids, is getting a larger settlement and hefty child maintenance payments.

@Betchyaby anyway sounds like I’ve really hit a nerve here with you. “Wonder why” . I won’t be commenting anymore on this thread. It’s been a real eye opener though I must say. Good luck :)

Do you see how many threads pop up where OP is desperately unhappy in her marriage but can’t leave due to financial reasons because they are a SAHM? Or even worse, they aren’t even married in the first place.

Even with things put in place, it is still a risk as pp herself has acknowledged.

@Betchyaby I’ve read the whole thread and not just skimmed.no I 100 percent don’t agree with the trad wife attitude or the attitude that women are built to be carers. Sorry if that offends you.

I've skimmed through and haven't seen PP say anything particularly rude, you just don't agree with her outlook. She certainly hasn't aimed rude comments or made assumptions about anyone specifically in in the way you have.

If my daughter was in that position What position is that? Do you know the unique position of every SAHM? This is where so many of the faux concern arguments fall flat and get exposed as outright condescension. Don't you think it is rather patronising to assume these grown women have not put things in place to ensure their own safety net should the worst happen.

@Betchyaby and I don’t know what you mean by “faux concern” or “wonder why” .

If my daughter was in that position I would be genuinely fearful and concerned for her.

She has made sexist comments about women “having it all” and women being superior parents to men. I’m not saying SAHM don’t have interests but her attitude makes it sound like she has absolutely no ambitions or interests outside of family life. Sorry if you find that rude but there have been plenty of extremely rude comments from this person regarding working women..

You're deflecting now because you know your comment was just plain rude.
So where are you getting that her life revolves around her kids from? Is it inconceivable to you that SAHM and housewives have hobbies and interests of their own? In fact they often have more time to 'have a life' than working women.

It’s the medieval and sexist attitude towards women and family life. PP has spoken about her family life she hasn't suggested other women have to conform to it.

It's always the same on MN, thinly veiled insults and faux concern for SAHM potential financial vulnerability... one can only wonder why....🤔

No it’s not that. It’s the medieval and sexist attitude towards women and family life.

Plenty of working women manage to bring their families to hobbies but hobbies isn’t what this is about at all.

The part where you suggested her 'whole life is revolving' around her kids because she takes them to hobbies....

What’s strange about it ?

Why is it strange?

Think carefully about sacrificing pay and pension to make his life easier with making yourself a built in cook and cleaner. Doubt he does 50% now so I expect he considers having kids a favour to you so you should be sacrificing too by taking them on in addition to your current duties.

This man isn't one to have kids with.

What a strange comment.

You’re NBU to want to do it but you ABU to think you can unilaterally decide to do it and have him financially support you.

Some people aren't ambitious in the career sense. They want a peaceful and happy life, and, for some, this comes with being a stay at home wife/mum

She isn't a mum yet - but if she were to become a mum, her op is foreshadowing how he'd treat her

will you ever go back to work ? I would imagine teenagers may find this quite suffocating in future, your whole life revolving around them.

I did do this for 2 years but I found I had no time to myself and was catching up on chores in the evenings and on the weekends; which are now taken up by 3 kids differing hobbies. We don’t have any grandparents really helping with childcare so no child free time on weekends, so when I’m not working we sometimes do things while the kids are in school to have time alone together (my husband has his own business so he can be flexible with hours within reason).

Me not working provides the best balance for us as a family

When planned right work doesn’t have to take away from family time. I work from home when my kids are at school. I really feel that when kids are school age it is of little benefit sacrificing a career.

i can’t imagine searching for a life partner and basing my search around ambitions to become a sahm also.

There are very very few men nowadays who are happy to financially provide for a woman if there are no children involved. You'd be hard pressed to find one.

Yes I believe you that this happens.

Onvioulsy lots of upheaval if you have to sell your home, change schools etc.. but worse things in life happen. This is all in the event of the marriage failing, which of course some do. Likewise, not all marriages fail and I know of many couples with this set up that works.

I understand there’s a risk but I feel the reward outweighs it for me