Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

I went to a girls school in a deprived area and we were encouraged into low paid jobs. Luckily I had other guidance but I remember starting uni and being flabbergasted at the different types of engineering fields they were.

Our careers advisors had only encouraged us to do B-Techs in hair and beauty or childcare.

The vast majority of men aren't INTERESTED in hair and beauty.

Exactly.

Men aren’t encouraged into hair and beauty or childcare.

Two childless adults should have no problem cooking and cleaning between them.

Only because others asked the same thing before me. Your initial comment was that you agreed that “no man can ever be as good a parent as a woman”.

If what you actually meant was that “no man can ever be as good a parent as a woman as long as the woman is not unwell and is a good person”, then the mammalian biology argument that women are just naturally nurturing you rely on is nonsense. Because the exception you’ve had to concede demonstrates that women are not naturally nurturing - some of them are precisely the opposite.

And no, the world is not divided into mentally ill women who are bad mothers and mentally well ones who are superb, so don’t even start on that!

This is the British class system on full display isn’t.

My degree and post grad studies have landed me a career far more lucrative than any of my friends who went into health and beauty and childcare. It’s just interested the career guidance was based heavily on our sex and class background.

Conversely I went to a private girls school and we weren't allowed to even entertain the idea of anything vocational. It was an academic subject at a uni presented as the only option. I'd have probably made a far better living doing hairdressing rather than having a useless degree in a subject I was barely interested in.

I clearly said if the mother is a good person and not unwell (mentally or otherwise )…. Your mum is not a good person. Sorry you had to go through that.

I went to a girls school in a deprived area and we were encouraged into low paid jobs. Luckily I had other guidance but I remember starting uni and being flabbergasted at the different types of engineering fields they were.

Our careers advisors had only encouraged us to do B-Techs in hair and beauty or childcare.

She has made sexist comments about women “having it all” and women being superior parents to men. I’m not saying SAHM don’t have interests but her attitude makes it sound like she has absolutely no ambitions or interests outside of family life. Sorry if you find that rude but there have been plenty of extremely rude comments from this person regarding working women..

will you ever go back to work ? I would imagine teenagers may find this quite suffocating in future, your whole life revolving around them.

I went to a girls school in a deprived area and we were encouraged into low paid jobs. Luckily I had other guidance but I remember starting uni and being flabbergasted at the different types of engineering fields they were.

Our careers advisors had only encouraged us to do B-Techs in hair and beauty or childcare.

Benefits.

I don't necessarily think women are encouraged, we all chose what we wanted to do at GCSE, then A Level and uni based upon our own interests. I liked STEM subjects, consequently my classes were 95% male. 3 of my close friends chose childcare courses at college, one went to work in a factory, the other is a postwoman. The factory worker earns far more than the others (£45k pa) but has to work gruelling 12hr shifts from 6am-6pm or vice versa and works with predominantly males. You see the pattern.

Also, if I did work part time I would not take a penny off my DH. He would not have to pick up any extra financial responsibility because of me.

Benefits.

I don't necessarily think women are encouraged, we all chose what we wanted to do at GCSE, then A Level and uni based upon our own interests. I liked STEM subjects, consequently my classes were 95% male. 3 of my close friends chose childcare courses at college, one went to work in a factory, the other is a postwoman. The factory worker earns far more than the others (£45k pa) but has to work gruelling 12hr shifts from 6am-6pm or vice versa and works with predominantly males. You see the pattern.

My mum abused me. Is she still automatically better than all the dads in the world by virtue of being a woman and not a man?

It isn’t always easy for a SAHM to just go and get a job. There’s also the question of what she would do financially in the meantime.

It’s a shame that generally women are encouraged into poorly paid roles.

Why do many women struggle to get jobs above minimum wage? Men don’t seem to have that issue.
That is a whole other topic that would derail the thread... but its largely to do with the line of work women choose to enter. The median wage for women will also be affected by the fact more women work PT than men.

Even with a degree, after so much time out. You aren’t always going to go back at the level you were at previously.
Perhaps not, but this isn't about that really. It is about getting a job in the first place.

Not exclusive to SAHM, no but a working mother will at least have her own income to rely on whilst everything is going through. Even if it is the national average, it’s a better position than having nothing at all.
That is why a SAHM would go and get a job in the event of needing one. It's really not that difficult.

That is my belief yes.

Why do many women struggle to get jobs above minimum wage? Men don’t seem to have that issue.

Even with a degree, after so much time out. You aren’t always going to go back at the level you were at previously. It’s a reason why I’d never be a SAHM myself because I’d be throwing away my career progression.

Not exclusive to SAHM, no but a working mother will at least have her own income to rely on whilst everything is going through. Even if it is the national average, it’s a better position than having nothing at all.

Yes, but this is going down the route of what ifs. What's to say a SAHM doesn't have a degree she could easily get back into work on.

Many women are struggling to get jobs above minimum wage that's why the median is at £22,776. Earning minimum wage of £11.44 working 37.5 hrs per week would make £22,308 pa.

Divorce settlements take time. Not to mention, those who are higher earners can also be better at hiding money they are earning. Child maintenance isn’t the greatest system either and far too many men don’t pay near enough as they should, if anything at all.
All true, but not exclusive to SAHM. We can't deny women married to wealthy men are more likely to receive a larger sum though.

It also depends how long the SAHM has been out of work for. A few years, the risk is definitely lower but many years? They may struggle to get even a job that pays the average wage, it might be the minimum wage.

Divorce settlements take time. Not to mention, those who are higher earners can also be better at hiding money they are earning. Child maintenance isn’t the greatest system either and far too many men don’t pay near enough as they should, if anything at all.

I actually see many more threads pop up where working women can't afford to leave, considering 72.1% of women work.

This notion that having a job in place will save you from financial ruin upon separation is bollocks (unless you have a highly paid career and are able to live off your single salary alone) Most do not.

The average wage for women in the UK is £26,878 with a median of £22,776 so the majority are not earning enough to run a house, car, or feed a family without contribution from either a partner or benefits. So if a SAHM without anything in place, got herself a job she wouldn't be any worse off than the majority of women who have found themselves single for whatever reason. Though, I'd point out SAHM tend to be married to higher earners so that means higher divorce settlements and higher life insurance pay outs.

Even with things put in place, it is still a risk
That would depend on the things put in place.

As an example:

Sharon earning £32k pa married to John earning £40k pa with a limited amount of interest in a modest combined house and 3 kids, is ending up with shit all at the end of it.

Tracey a SAHM married to David earing £150k pa with interest in an expensive house and 3 kids, is getting a larger settlement and hefty child maintenance payments.