Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

Well, he could end the relationship.

I would not be with a partner who wanted to work part time because they "get tired" to be honest, it's a cop out. Unless there was a genuine underlying condition causing it.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Is this a joke ?

For gods sake people can be so judgemental and have absolutely no consideration for the fact that some people do get tired. Absolute shame on you all. Not everyone has the same nervous system.

OP, firstly, slow down a bit. Don’t worry about the cleaning and heathy meals when you’re working full time. And hire a cleaner right now.

Secondly, go to the doctors. Get the tired all the time tests to check for any deficiencies. But at the end of the day, not everyone is built the same. Some people are blessed with being energetic. Your DH is one of them, and he’s stubbornly not understanding that you can’t match him. So changes need to be made if the domestic chores are not 50/50.

And finally, take the time you need to rest and recharge. And if that means working a bit less, if the above changes aren’t enough, then do what you need to do for your health and wellbeing.

Suggest he’s welcome to do the same should he wish! But he can’t stop you from doing it.

Oh I have to laugh. With 3 children and both of us with careers..I have to say I’m on board with your husband’s perspective on this. On a serious note..You may want to consider whether to have children. They are seriously hard work and if you’re tired now, it might not work out so well.

Just because you did, and by all means it sounds like no mean feat and with all credit to you, it doesn’t mean that others have to adjust their expectations 🤷🏽‍♀️

Exactly this! I brought up 2 of my 3 boys completely alone, no father or 'village', worked full time, moved abroad with them with no job and £2k in my pocket. Im now a qualified Primary and EAL teacher and my kids are fluent in the local language. If I and others can do stuff like this then OP either has health issues or is lazy and entitled 🤷🏻‍♀️

No matter what you post these women will not believe you. I can only imagine it’s some sort of guilt or projection but of course I don’t know.

It’s absurd to think that women (who are otherwise well) will not biologically be better placed to bond or nurture kids, no matter how wonderful the father is.

🤷🏽‍♀️

I have given up 😂

In general, I would seriously consider what you want from life. If money is bot important to you but is to him, potentially you have different wants from life. I would not consider having kids with him from the info in this post.
I would get seen by a docand not have kids until you've sorted your energy levels. Kids take a lot of energy.

Why should he subsidise your lifestyle?
You should either both take an equal cut in hours or agree what equal finances look like and after you’ve contributed that amount a month it’s up to you how many additional hours you work for fun money.

I agree. I spent my entire life from age 7 not being able to keep up with my peers, socially, and finding school and work very difficult. I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 38.
I do work full time, now, but I do nothing at all on week nights, I eat microwave meals on week nights, I have a cleaner and a gardener, and don't have the energy for a relationship.
If you find life that tiring, see your GP, and don't let them fob you off like they did me for so many years.

I never suggested the differences prevented either sex from learning to do anything.

I'd also point out that I do believe society views men and women differently, for example we don't see many half naked men prancing around at sporting events, it is deemed more acceptable to be a SAHM rather than a SAHD.

However, I believe it is naïve to suggest these things stem solely from societal learned behaviours rather than looking back to how societal norms came about in the first place, namely with men and women being biologically different.

The variation within groups is far greater than the variation between them.
Not in the case of male and female brains.

In defence of @MumWifeOther opinions on mothers being better bonded, more intuitively aware of their child's needs etc. There is evidence to support this too.

Pregnancy Causes Lasting Changes in a Woman's Brain | Scientific American

Studies haven’t proven it at all. They absolutely have.
How men's and women's brains are different | Stanford Medicine
Do men and women have different brains? | HowStuffWorks
New Research Finds Huge Differences Between Male and Female Brains | Psychology Today
Males and females differ in specific brain structures | University of Cambridge

Plenty of studies have proven otherwise. Where are they then? I'm talking biological, measurable evidence, not some pseudoscience 'Dr' hypothesising.

The fact that not every single man or every single woman fits neatly into the stereotypical boxes shows that too. Well of course they don't, which is why I said there are exceptions to the rule. But they are just that, exceptions.

It is always curious that people will accept men and women are biologically different in most of our anatomy, but suggest our brains are different despite the hard evidence, it is met with outright denial.

I can believe there are differences but none which prevent men learning to adequately provide childcare or use a washing machine.

And of course those are just average differences.

The variation within groups is far greater than the variation between them.

My husbands instincts and bond with our children are just as good as mine.

Studies haven’t proven it at all. Plenty of studies have proven otherwise, especially after 30 years as we now know more and (should) know better.

The fact that not every single man or every single woman fits neatly into the stereotypical boxes shows that too.

Of course men can be brilliant parents. My husband is a wonderful and attentive father. I see lots of hands on and capable dads. However, a father cannot replicate the natural bond and maternal instincts a mother has. In my opinion, society has tried to dull this instinct for various reasons I’m not going to get into now.

Exactly!

The 'societal pressures' theory was up for debate and disproved 30 years ago!! Later and recent studies have unequivocally proven that male and female brains are different, hormones affect our behaviour and we have tendencies toward different things.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule.

You just don't like the facts.

I’m afraid that is complete nonsense. Men can be brilliant parents, every bit as nurturing and attentive as women. True, men are biologically incapable of giving birth and breastfeeding. But they can do everything else that women can do. It’s a shame that some people still cling to harmful stereotypes about masculine and feminine traits and abilities.

1995? Really?

It had no impact on me because I had a parent to counteract that view.

And yes it is demonstrably true that the British class system impacts all aspects of society including the guidance and coaching children receive at school.

Or do you think it is just random coincidence that private school children are massively overrepresented in our top universities and across the top of industry and why our social mobility is so low?

My experience reflects the norm that the guidance and coaching given in schools (which was the comment made) impacts choices we make and that guidance and coaching differs based on sex and socio-economic background.

Do you think at the boys school that backed into my girls school, that the careers advisors were telling the boys to consider careers in hair and beauty and childcare?

A biological difference that makes women more likely to be interested in hair and beauty? No. It’s societal.

So because your experience was crap guidance that means society en masse got crap guidance? The fact you went on to a Russel Group shows it had no effect on you then, as you went with your preference rather than doing beauty... Pretty much proves my point about choices being based on individual interests.

Yes I picked languages at a Russell Group uni but I was talking about the guidance we were given. Hard to pick something you don’t know exists.

Do you deny biological differences amongst men and women?