Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

Keep the job, lose the husband.

Also, if I did work part time I would not take a penny off my DH. He would not have to pick up any extra financial responsibility because of me.

How does this work in practice?

Surely this is only achievable if you are earning such a high wage that you can reduce your hours from FT to PT and still contribute the exact same amount to mortgage/rent, bills, holidays and other shared expenses. But your OP implies that your DH is the higher earner, is that not the case?

What's the current set up, do you split bills 50/50 or do you each make a contribution proportional to your earnings?

Either way, I don't see how you can say that you going PT wouldn't impact him, either he pays more to make up for you paying less or as a household you have to tighten your belts, unless there's a massive drip feed coming about him being a millionaire or you having a huge inheritance that you can live off forever.

OP you say if you go part time your husband won't have to pick up any extra financial responsibility then I think it's reasonable to go part time. I went part time and I'm so much happier for it.

I think some of you are missing the point and making some big assumptions while you're at it.
I can't see any evidence from the OP that her husband expects her to do more than 50% of domestic work. I think the point here is that she wants to do more household stuff - she wants to work less to cook more complex meals and keep her home cleaner than it currently is. Some people do want that life, but it doesn't seem to me to be the result of her partner not pulling his weight. That being said, this is an extremely long thread so I may have missed something.
For me there are a couple of issues here. 1. Bring super tired - poss medical issue? She should get it checked out. It might be that the feeling of tiredness is leading her to believe that a life of part time world and cooking (which might be somethng she enjoys) would be nice. If she sorts her tiredness out - which sounds abnormal to me - she may change her mind.
Or she won't, and she wants a domestic life. Which isn't a problem, if that is what they both signed up to. Lots of people are saying don't have a baby with this man as he won't support her, but there's nothing to indicate that. He married a woman with a full time job. Clearly they haven't discussed her being a housewife. So why would his expectation not be that she works when they don't have kids? When, or if, they do, obviously things change. That was certainly how it worked for me and my husband, because children are a job. So it was fair I stepped back from money making so much to gain a work life balance against domestics.
The issue here therefore is that she wants that balance earlier and he doesn't agree. Did she present it as a medical issue or just that she doesn't want to work so much. Perhaps some better communication here would sort things out!!

No, not jealousy but it was the final straw

That's a bit harsh, wasn't his fault that he was furloughed. What did you want him to do, change career in the middle of a pandemic? At a time where nobody was hiring? Sounds like jealousy on your part.

Potentially. But the guidance we receive does not help. The careers options and talks at my girls school were very different to the boys school.

I think they are exceptions. No two people have the same brain, so of
you can get effeminate men and butch women. I myself have typically masculine interests.

To be clear I am not saying there is no influence at all in some situations, overbearing parents for instance. I said professions are largely determined by preferences which are determined by our brains.

Why do you think there are exceptions such as the man who is a nurse or the woman who is a firefighter? Do you think they have the wrong brains for their sex or do you think they were just influenced by other things more than their brain? Or something else.

Nor do I. It does impact the line of work people navigate towards though.

If you are tired then get to GP as a simple blood test could help find out the cause.

can you ask employer for some WFH days to avoid long commute.

what does DH do to keep house clean and prep meals. Look at everything that needs doing and work through the list and allocate it along with expectations of how many times it is done. Eg hoovering is X times a week.

stop doing everything and let him pick up the slack. If you are meal planning and shopping then tell him to do it

Exactly this OP

Please don't be shortsighted about this.

We as women and even men are absolutely exhausted with life.

Personally, as much as I love my other half, I'd be fuming if he announced he was going part time cos he was tired and couldn't do the jobs, I'm not been the breadwinner especially in 2024 when all genders are meant to be equal.

I went through COVID working like a donkey, whilst my now ex husband was on furlough, it was the end for us.

Nooooo!

You might be married to this man, but, don't give up your financial independence for anything or anybody.

Think long term here. Pensions etc. What if you go separate ways 25 years later on? You won't have the pension contributions to maintain your lifestyle

It's 2024, any house stuff if you're both working full time is split, or you get help. Whatever happened to girl power!

Maintain independence.

All you need is some decent work/life balance, maybe a cleaner 🙂

You are part of a marriage, this isn't a roommate situation. If you work part time, then his salary should cover more. In fact, whether you're full or part time, you should be contributing relative to your income.

You don't sound like a partnership, in fact it sounds like he barely likes you.

I do think there is enough evidence to suggest differences between male and female brains to varying extents but I don’t think that has any impact on men’s ability to do childcare and other domestic labour.

Yes we are all individuals but averages are deduced from many individuals.

Yes temporary, but it shows how hormones affect the brain and changes the behaviours of people. My point being it is absurd for others to suggest that male brains running on testosterone are no different to women's, when our own brains are dramatically affected by fluctuating hormones during and after pregnancy. Lets not forget about PMS either.

Get a cleaner. Find a job closer to home. Save as much money for yourself as you can. He sounds a cf. Give him shit microwave food and see if the penny drops. He can't have it both ways. Stop being a slave super wife....

Well yes even in the differences in male and female brains, and more specifically what that means in terms of output, outlook and behaviour - in group variation is far greater than the variation between groups.

We are all individuals before we are an average.

ETA : in terms of neural remodelling that link shows it is temporary.

If you are struggling with tiredness from ‘normal’ working and home routines, I would recommend going to the doctor to double check whether or not there’s underlying health issues that could be making you feel this way.

Surely you appreciate that to support a family on one wage you need to be a fairly high earner meaning your contributions in tax and n.i are higher?

You are being unreasonable. If you choose to have kids then you will want as much financial security as possible which you can build up now.
Would you accept him working part time whilst you work full time?
what about your use of the NHS, public services etc? People should contribute as much as they are able in terms of productivity and tax.
I don’t understand this mentality at all.

In reality cooking and cleaning for two people won’t take long. Rather than be so passive aggressive it’d be better to ask him to do half of the work

Wow that was quite a slog of a thread, but fucking hilarious, In mumsnet land if the sexes were reversed OP would be called a cocklodger for wanting to lazily live off of their partner!

He would because you are married. Anything he buys, money he saves and pension he accrues are legally joint assets.

And there will be.