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Original poster

FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

182 replies

Charlottef94 · 26/12/2024 14:57

We are visiting our PIL in a few days and MIL said to DH on the phone this morning that FIL
”can’t wait” to take my DS around to all their random neighbours to show him off. My baby is 12 weeks old and I feel very uncomfortable that this was stated without even asking if I, his mother would be okay with that and insinuating he would be going alone with my baby. All I can say is he will absolutely not be doing so and my baby will not be leaving my eye line. What if I wanted to keep him away from germs etc? He also hates strangers at the moment and will assume FIL is also a stranger as he likes me to be nearby whenever family are holding him at the moment. Am I being unreasonable in demanding I join any of these visits?

OP posts:
CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:54

toomuchfaff · 26/12/2024 15:52

what a strange turn of phrase especially when referring to family members.

In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

I'm sure that your in-laws have chosen their place and it's as far away from you as possible with that attitude.

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Not at all. We have a great relationship. I just know how to advocate for my child, especially when they are too young to advocate for themselves. And I am able to enforce boundaries enough to protect my child from overzealous relatives exposing them to germs during RSV, flu and covid season. 12 weeks old - a bug could land them in hospital. I love my kids enough not to take that risk to please someone else.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 26/12/2024 15:54

@wizzywig I agree with you. I think it sounds like a lovely thing for a proud Grandad to do.

Strictly1 · 26/12/2024 15:53

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:51

Medal on its way to you. If she wants to be with her baby, that’s her choice.

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It is her choice but you stated that baby should be with mum as if anyone who doesn’t isn’t a fit parent. I too was back at work at 12 weeks and mine thrived still.
I personally wouldn’t have a problem with what FiL proposes but it’s up to the parents. But to treat his suggestion as some heinous crime is ridiculous.

Hwi · 26/12/2024 15:53

What is this compulsion to go visiting with a 12-week old? Why? What is wrong staying in, letting your husband go and drop off whatever he wants to drop off and then relax at home? Why deliberately create difficulties oneself, to heroically overcome them later?

toomuchfaff · 26/12/2024 15:52

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:44

Not at all normal. 12 weeks old. Baby should be with mum. Not be handed around and breathed on in the middle of winter virus season. The fucking cheek of it. In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

Show quote history

what a strange turn of phrase especially when referring to family members.

In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

I'm sure that your in-laws have chosen their place and it's as far away from you as possible with that attitude.

WalterdelaMare · 26/12/2024 15:52

I think you’re being a fuss budget.

KezzaMucklowe · 26/12/2024 15:51

Meh, not a big deal for me either. Not sure what the problem is tbh.
It's just a proud grandparent wanting yo show the neighbours the baby.
Mn is a very strange place.

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:51

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2024 15:49

Don’t be ridiculous. I was back at work full time when my dc were that old. The idea that mothers need to be tied to their babies is totally antiquated and misogynistic too.

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Medal on its way to you. If she wants to be with her baby, that’s her choice.

Inertia · 26/12/2024 15:50

I wouldn’t be ok with that. And I doubt the neighbours are that interested anyway.

TheSillyGoose · 26/12/2024 15:50

I think you're acting like a completely sensible new mum. I would not allow my newborn baby to be shown around to every randomer, especially without me there.

Unfortunately some inlaws are very good at over stepping and don't realise it.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2024 15:49

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:44

Not at all normal. 12 weeks old. Baby should be with mum. Not be handed around and breathed on in the middle of winter virus season. The fucking cheek of it. In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. I was back at work full time when my dc were that old. The idea that mothers need to be tied to their babies is totally antiquated and misogynistic too.

HRTQueen · 26/12/2024 15:49

You have an extremely proud fil who wants to show off his grandchild

he hasn’t asked you as he doesn’t see it as an issue he is excited and feels
love and joy over for his grandson what’s wrong with that

there is nothing weird about this at all ds is 17 and still shown off to famiky by my dad when we visit because is so proud

Go with him if you feel uncomfortable and babies survive not being attached to their mums and being held by others

YourGladSquid · 26/12/2024 15:49

I was always very relaxed but I don’t think I’d be comfortable with this. 12 weeks is quite young still, it’s winter and there’ll be all sorts of bugs and sniffles around.

toomuchfaff · 26/12/2024 15:47

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/12/2024 14:57

Just say, "No, I'm not comfortable with that."

As ever, first quote nails it. When they say ah, won't be long, it'll be alright, just repeat and repeat and repeat, don't expand, just repeat, say it slower or louder for those who are hard of understanding 😑

MerryMaker · 26/12/2024 15:47

LewishamMumNow · 26/12/2024 15:44

Me too. He's not a newborn, and I think you should get a grip. I also find it weird when people accuse proud GPs of not understanding the baby is a baby because they want to proudly show them off.

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I agree. This kind of activity helps the GPs to bond, because lets face it, the GPs can't really do that much at the moment.

MerryMaker · 26/12/2024 15:45

Are you sure FIL or MIL have not already asked the babies dad who has agreed to this?

MeandBobbyMcGoo · 26/12/2024 15:45

I see no issue with having FIL pushing my 3month old baby round the neighbours houses in the pram. Babies usually seem to bring a lot of joy to people.

LewishamMumNow · 26/12/2024 15:44

wizzywig · 26/12/2024 15:08

Looks like I'm the only one thinking its no big deal?

Me too. He's not a newborn, and I think you should get a grip. I also find it weird when people accuse proud GPs of not understanding the baby is a baby because they want to proudly show them off.

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 15:44

JollyHollyMe · 26/12/2024 15:20

Perfectly normal thing to do- except in MN world of in law hating.

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Not at all normal. 12 weeks old. Baby should be with mum. Not be handed around and breathed on in the middle of winter virus season. The fucking cheek of it. In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

Nc546888 · 26/12/2024 15:42

I wouldn’t like this but if I liked FIL and this really mattered I would go with him. Baby and me wouldn’t be separated so I would be going round so and so house as well

Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 15:42

Nope, wouldn't be happening.
Baby is not a toy.
Too many bugs about at this time of year.

Kitkat1523 · 26/12/2024 15:40

BackinBlack24 · 26/12/2024 15:10

God no what about Covid , RSV etc mine is 6 months and I wouldn't allow that . Just very nicely say you aren't comfortable with that .

🙄

Livelovebehappy · 26/12/2024 15:40

I think you’re being unreasonable, but at the end of the day of this is a hill you want to die on, go ahead. The GP just wants to show them off; nothing more sinister than that. But you’re one half of the parent with your dh, so just decide between you.

Kitkat1523 · 26/12/2024 15:39

wizzywig · 26/12/2024 15:08

Looks like I'm the only one thinking its no big deal?

No…I’m same as you

TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2024 15:37

wizzywig · 26/12/2024 15:08

Looks like I'm the only one thinking its no big deal?

Not the only one. When did people get so uptight?

In France or Italy babies get handed round huge sociable groups and miraculously survive.

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