FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

Just get a sling and laugh if anyone tries to take the baby. Not happening!!

That's too mild, I'd go with 'you toucha my baby I breaka your face'

And me…I have lovely memories of my grandmother pushing dd around to show her off to her friends. She was so proud of her. You can ask him to keep dc in the pushchair & explain re germs, surely? But to me this is just a proud grandfather and I would want to encourage that relationship not discourage it.

My Dad used to LOVE taking the babies in a pram out for a walk and he'd pass all his neighbours' houses longing for them to come out so he could show them off. I loved the little break and my Dad got to be the proud Grandad

If it bothers you say no. Or join in but remind them noones to touch baby due to the amount of bugs going around just now. No need to get uptight, imagine being a proud grandparent but being told you don’t have the right to show them off. People are far to precious, I remember with my first my own Gran was so excited to show her great grandchild off we went a walk around her village and she told everyone she saw about the new arrival in her life. It was beautiful. Grandparents are important too.

I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that’s she carried the baby for 9 months and then squeezed it out her vag? At this young age, the mother’s opinion trumps everyone.

I think it IS paranoia though, and chose the word deliberately.

I’m not aiming to be unkind. I think it would be helpful for the OP to understand that it is okay to chill a bit. It won’t be helpful for her to be so possessive of her baby that she risks damaging her husband’s relationship with his parents.

I’m with you, it’s strange and had a very similar experience. My PIL wanted to show my children around to the neighbours, go in their houses etc and when I said no they made out I had very bad health anxiety. I think it was nice that they were so proud but didn’t see my worry. But they also get cold sores and were very upset when I asked them not to kiss my little ones faces as they didn’t get the seriousness of it.
Their neighbour did pop over during a visit when my son was 5 weeks old and then kissed his nose. I was horrified. When my daughter was 6 weeks old she got viral meningitis from a cold and was very poorly. My partner actually apologised after that and realised that babies are not for show and tell and you have to be careful. No way would want this either.

YANBU at all. No way would I let anyone dictate to me what they were going to do with my baby. This is a good time to put in boundaries and let your in laws see that they can't decide they're doing x, y or z with your baby, they have to ask and then accept whatever your answer is. I wouldn't make excuses just 'no and in future please ask'.

It’s lovely that a grandparent is so proud of the new baby.
However, can’t imagine neighbours are going to be so enthusiastic - one 12 week old being much like the next to the casual observer…say no OP!

I completely agree. So much drama on here. However it’s entirely your choice of course, and if this is going to worry you just say so.

I think it’s fine for the grandparents to have a relationship with their baby grandchild. Parading that child around the neighbours with so many winter bugs going around, not so much. It’s not paranoia - that’s really unkind. She’s minimising the risk to her new baby.

No it’s because there’s more awareness that winter bugs can be deadly to little babies.
Why do you think they are giving the RSV vaccine to pregnant women? To help protect the baby after it’s born.

There was a thread on here recently about hand washing and how it was unreasonable to expect people to wash their hands. That’s why Brits are riddled with disgusting winter bugs. Unhygienic gross people everywhere.

Also all this proud grandparent rubbish is a massive load of shit as well. Weird behaviour to take your grandchild round to people like some toy.

Awaits medal.

You’ve chosen to ignore my point, which was to argue with you saying that babies shouldn’t ever be away from their mothers.

You also seem to be ignoring the fact that there’s a father involved too, who presumably wants his parents to have a relationship with his child.

Why should the mother’s paranoia trump what he might think?

Are you American, by any chance? (something about the turn of phrase) It's just that I think this very overzealous uber-protective attitude over babies and young children is something I've seen coming from North America in the last generation.

And surely only someone from North America could use the phrase 'I just know how to advocate for my child' when they're talking about not letting said child meet or come into close proximity with other humans. (rather than, for example, fighting for their child's SEN provision, or getting a second opinion at the hospital when something actually REAL and serious is going on, or standing up for their child against bullies.)

12 weeks is 3 months. Did you never take a 3 month old out to a baby and mums group? If not, what a shame. They are just beginning a period of neurological development that means they're SO interested in other people and their wider environment. In fact, studies done on the cohort of babies unlucky enough to have been born at the start of the covid pandemic with lockdown meaning babies and young children weren't socialised properly have shown how horribly detrimental this was to their neurological development and psychological wellbeing.

We never used to talk about 'flu and colds season' - it was just winter. People get bugs in winter. Doesn't mean you should lock your small children up for months on end!

It’s not in-law hating, it’s hormones – I found it almost unbearably painful to be separated from my baby in the fourth trimester. DP once pushed the pram too fast for me (post-section) and I wept. I don’t hate him.

I would have hated to have my baby taken away to be shown to the neighbours. Show him off when he’s two and annoying instead.

Me too.

Wouldn't bother me.

But then I was never precious about my baby "being in my eye line at all times" 🤷‍♀️

We flew to Uk when ds was 6 weeks old and took him to meet both mine and DPs extended family.

They had lots of great time bonding and I had lots of free time to nap

Same

I wasn't asked but on one of first visits over MIL snuck out the house with bf baby who scream when not being held by me ( not my choice like early sign of her ADHD ) when DH went upstairs to look for something she wanted and I went to the toilet.

Several hours went by FIL was worried - she walked in with baby who clearly been screaming for hours really distressed who needed a nappy change for a while and was really hungry - no explanation and from what she said several neighbours had been trying to sit down to a cooked mean so probably weren't keen on random baby.

She was better with kids once they could talk before that MIL did often seem to think they were accessories which annoyed the fuck out of me. Generally though she was a good grandparent gets on well now with teens kids.

So might be better to try and find a way FIL can show baby off with you around or maybe a walk round neighbourhood with baby in pram/pushchair.

There's a quademic in progress: flu, norovirus, RSV and COVID-19.

There are nowhere near as many PICU units or beds as people might think.

Parents, not in-laws, are the ones whose appetite for risk should be the deciding factor for such a young child.

So many uptight germaphobes on here. Wonder if this is a Covid hangover effect.

Yeah I think you’re probably being a bit unreasonable. Presumably this is a proud grandfather who wants to take his new grandchild a walk in the street to show them off to his neighbours? I doubt he’s going door to door at Christmas inviting himself in with the baby? I don’t think I could get worked up about this.

It’s family. It’s normal. Unclench.

It is weird to think of separating a young baby from his/her mother but I don't understand the obsession with germs and people having a cuddle. Fair enough, if there is obvious illness in the household but otherwise lots of friends and family doting on the baby seems part of the joy to me.