FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

I'm with both of you.

its a changed world & I dont like it!

Carry the baby to the neighbours, say a quick hello and don't go in the house? I did this with mine.

My dad told my neighbour I was pregnant before I was telling people, but I don't really know them so I didn't mind. She's old and lives alone.

I'm glad someone else picked up on that comment.

My ds came to supermarket at a week old. We needed to eat and DP didn't get paternity (another country) and didn't drive.

He's 20 now. The supermarket clearly didn't have a detrimental affect on him!

It doesn’t sound as if @Charlottef94‘s FIL cares a fig about her discomfort, @saraclara - so what should she tiptoe around him?

I’m 60, and my youngest child is 27, but I’m pretty damn sure I would NOT have responded well to being TOLD by my FIL that he wanted to take my 12 week old baby to meet people whom I didn’t know from Adam!

I am a granny myself so I totally understand the excitement and pride, but that doesn’t give me, or any grandparent, the right to tell the parents what I am going to do with their child. If the FIL had said, “When you next come to visit, would it be OK if Mack and Mabel from number 37 popped in to see the baby?” - and if he would respect their answer, it might have been very different - but from her comment about her FIL seeing her as an incubator, and telling her what he’s going to do with her child, it doesn’t sound as if he has any respect whatsoever for @Charlottef94 as a person or as a mum.

She is under NO obligation to give a tiny, shiny shite about his discomfort, given that he hasn’t given one about hers.

It was bad enough without this update, but this makes it even worse. He's awful, and ridiculous.
This comes up regularly on MN - grandparents deciding to buy formula for a breastfed baby because they want to feed them. Unbelievable. Grandparents have no right to feed a baby and should be supporting the parents, not undermining them.

Was it just a passing comment like “oh we can’t wait to show the baby off”

Ah lovely throw in a little ageism. That’s another nice thing to teach your kids along with fear of the world. Prejudice too. Lovely.

Absolutely not OP.
He doesn't get to tell you anything about your baby.

Treating you like some incubator and telling you what they will be doing with your baby would mean I would be staying the hell away from them.

I think it is very odd his behaviour.
Your tiny baby is not a toy plaything for him.

I most certainly wouldn't be entertaining it for a minute.

And me. Baby is three months old and doesn't need handling with kid gloves.

He's hardly going to be going round there for an hour. A five minute pop by to show off the new Grandchild that he loves is okay.

There was a situation when staying with my mum with our first, when her friend was coming round to meet baby. Friend was held up in a traffic jam and by the time she arrived we were in bathtime and bedtime routine, and one of our 'rules' was that baby went from bath to bed. So we wouldn't take her downstairs to meet the friend.

38 years on and I'm still mortified by our selfish preciousness. Neither my mum nor the friend said anything, but they must have been both disappointed and embarrassed. I can't believe that we behaved so ridiculously.

So, @Charlottef94 I'm going to try to save your FIL the same discomfort, and you the same regrets, and tell you to let him go.

Absolutely nope to this.
I had very similar comments about BF from in laws and I should formula feed as they wanted “alone time “. We held our boundaries and guess who still hasn’t had “alone time” 12 months later and quite honestly who knows if they ever will 😂
You need DH onside to help hold boundaries
Also completely normal to feel protective especially with those comments!

@Charlottef94 The update posts a slightly different picture, not of an over-eager proud Granddad, but one of a controlling fil.

Definitely set your boundaries!

Wouldn't bother me but then my kids are adults, I remember bringing DD home from hospital and pulling up in the close and 4-5 neighbours saw us and came in for a cuppa and a cuddle. If it bothers you OP don't allow it but I guess he's just really excited to show off DGC

It's flu and RSV season. Hell no.

He's a dumbass.

Me too

You and me both!

Not sure why random people went to glance at a random baby tbh....

Grandparents can get really weird with new babies and have some really odd or high expectations. I had this and to be honest, DC are teenagers now and they still throw the odd suggestion.

What's he gonna do? Knock on everyone's door and be like "look, a baby!" It's weird but not the end of the world - better for you to be there so you're not worried that people are kissing with cold sores etc etc. however, it's better to set expectations early on so if you're not comfortable, say so! Make sure they know what can and can't be done and that it's your baby and your things to approve.

Not many people take a 12 week old to the supermarket
really? what age are they deemed allowed out int he world?
Some mums are back at work, having to take siblings to school, do the shop.
Not many have the luxury of hiding at home for 6months.
The level of paranoia on MN is never seen in RL, here in Scotland it's quite normal to take new baby out in the pram and come back with a good haul ££, from people popping £ in the pram.
Christ half of these loons would pass out and burn the pram.

Wouldn’t have bothered me. How lovely to have grandparents who want to show him off!

Really dont get this whole obsession with germs. Kids pick up germs and they are good for them. If you have another then they will be covered in germs from your pfb. I would suggest going with your FIL. Don’t alienate the in laws especially if you are expecting free childcare and help when they’re a toddler and you need a hand.

Nobody is poking babies.

No I won’t cringe at all. I’ll be glad I kept my baby safe from winter bugs. Babies don’t need to be passed around and poked at by people they don’t know. All the mums I know are the same and are fed up of boomers telling us ‘in my day’ and gas lighting that germs don’t hurt when doctors are saying literally the opposite.

Anyway, please just wash your hands and don’t touch babies you don’t know.

That’s not what she said. And not what I said. ‘Isolated from the world’ is not the same as appreciating the time of year, the fact that winter bugs are rife, and mitigating unnecessary risk.

Not just you ☝🏾