To feel upset that my parents don't put in as much effort for DCs as in laws

And society always blames the youngsters for being addicted to their phones! I read so much on Mumsnet about people "being on their phone" and I don't really understand what it means as I'm 62 and don't use my phone as a leisure activity. I'm sorry your parents are so shite OP .

Some people love being around children. Some don't. Don't think that changes much whether gp or not. Your parents sound quite selfish so just be happy you got great pils and spend more time with them.

Oh OP Im feeling similar to you although the other way round. Mum has childminded for me once a week since I went back to work at 9 months for each child. As such she has a lovely relationship with both kids and knows them like a third parent, its beautiful. In laws, I love them but they live further away. See them about 4-6 times a year for a long weekend or a week at cottage together. They hinted for years that they wanted grandchildren but when we are there it feels like theyre very much irritated by the children for being children. Don’t try and foster any one-on-one time with them. I think in my MIL ideal world the kids would sit quietly colouring while the adults drink wine. My kids can do that for a little while but rightly they need more stimulation and outdoor time. Makes me really sad that if they made the effort they could really get to know these lovely kids and have that lovely relationship with them but by the time the kids are older and more tolerable for them it’ll be too late, they’re really aging fast now.

People are different.
I loved both sets of grandparents dearly, they were very kind.
They never played with me or got down on the floor, but they chatted and i always felt loved.

My parents and PIL are exactly the same.

It used to frustrate me but I've just accepted it now. We spend a lot of time with my PIL and hardly any with my parents in comparison. I think looking back my parents weren't the most loving parents so I'm not sure why I expected any different from them as grandparents. When my first was born it really upset me as they took no interest in him apart from the odd hold. By my second child I knew what to expect, disappointing but expected.

It doesn't seem to bother them that we spend more time with the PIL's and the children quite clearly prefer them so what's the point in trying to change it.

You and yours seem to have had kids very young.
60s-70s is the norm for grandparents round here. None of my school friends had kids until late 20s at the very earliest. I think it varies on location but I wouldn't call 70-73 elderly for grandparents to toddlers.

I think we will be seeing a fair bit more of disengaged grandparents in the next 10 years onwards, partly because so many people for obvious reasons are having children a lot later - meaning many grandparents can be very late 60s , even with a baby and in their 70s when kids growing up - whereas my mum and in laws were grandparents mid to late 40s and then again mid 50s - Theres a big difference with many in terms of energy levels and often interests too between late 40s and late 60s/early 70s - as others have said many were great grandparents by that stage in the past . The other thing too is far more women post 50 are still in full time work or quite senior in careers, so grandchildren may be a part of their life but not their huge focus - whereas I had a mother who worked 18 hours a week at most after 35 and grandmothers who had done jack shit paid work since their late 20s - that possibly doesn't apply in OPs case, I just think she is exceptionally lucky with involved energetic in-laws

People are all different. Some wish to be more involved with GCs than others. 🙂

They’re just different and will bring different things to your dcs’ lives. That’s ok. Try to embrace the positives and enjoy the differences. There will be different stages & ages and different grandparenting will suit at different times.

Being hurt is a strong reaction!

I had kids when my parents were in their late 50s/early 60s and they were really hands on and involved. I've noticed them really slow down in their early 70s and can't imagine they would do as much now if we had littlies.

It's the thought that counts. We all get pressies we don't want but not all of us moan about it. Basically, get a life!

Accept that everyone is different. Accept it. No stress

I think you are being unfair to your parents. I don't yet have any grandchildren and have to admit I'm likely to be like your parents. I don't like small children - didn't really like mine much then. They are boring and hard work. 7 up they are bearable and 11,plus delightful . I love teenagers. Not everyone wants to get on the floor and play at elephants. I'd rather go under a bus. However if you want me to take 3 fourteen year olds to Italy I'd go like a shot.
Different people like different stages. Make the most of what you've got and stop complaining.

Both sides are like that in our family. Ils don't understand why grandkids aren't enthralled by them but they don't play with them or will suggest a game that's too grown up and are miffed when kids can't follow it/wander off. Everything has to be to their time scales and they will think nothing of keeping kids waiting 30 minutes then moan that the kids are whiny. They prepare meals they like and get annoyed if kids don't share their love of fish pie and broccoli.
My dad is worse he's very much of the children should be seen and not heard ear.

You can’t change people OP. Just be thankful that both sets of grandparents want to see your children, and that your in-laws interact with the children as you expect grandparents to.

When we visit, we like to do things with the children: parks, farms, museums, etc

This could be the issue. It's very generational. Constantly entertaining and stimulating children is a very modern thing. 30 years ago, kids were plonked on the floor with a few toys or when older put in the garden to play with siblings.

It maybe its just not their world and they think spoon feeding kids with something all the time like farms, museums, constant play is ridiculous to them. It certainly stiffles imaginative play in kids today and leads to shorter attention spans.

So it could be they just have a different attitude because of their own generations way of raising children. You turned out ok I'm assuming and were raised by them!

How are your parents when they visit you?

Well yes. I’m north west and had my first baby at 38, similar to all my friends. We had probably seen enough teen pregnancies at our very catholic secondary school as well.

I think you just have to suck it up. They're different people...

You do realise that you and the people you know are in the minority though?

NW is North West? It’s not about location, it’s about class. Working class, lower income women have children at a younger age. They’re also more likely to have been born to younger mothers.

Also in same situation though many years into it now.

I recall my mother actually saying to my 6 month old son on his first Christmas ( first GC in the family, and we had trecked there for Christmas):

'I'll be a great Nanny when you are 4' and promptly ignored him for the rest of our visit'

I felt embarrassed she was so hopeless; it was unexpected as she had always spoken about how excited she would be blah blah blah which was utter garbage.

We have never spent Christmas with them since!

A positive MIL thread for once 😍

I had both sets of grandparents growing up, and loved both equally. Mum's parents would rarely have got down on the floor to play with us, but they were very supportive of our interests and hobbies, and we valued that as we got older.

There's no right or wrong way here; as long as they all care about the kids, the DC will be happy! Their interests will change as they grow and they may find the quieter "just get on with things" grandparents easier to get on with.

I think you are lucky that your pil are still like that, at 70+ they are likely to be a bit stuck in their ways. My mum is 73 and her grandchildren are adults!