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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask all the women on here with shitty nasty partners and husbands to really think about how they can escape them as soon as possible?

135 replies

Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2024 12:32

I know divorce isn’t easy.
I know that abuse is hard and dangerous to extricate yourself from.
I know that your self esteem might be in the toilet.

But for the love of god please make plans so this is the last Christmas you are the only one with no gifts, had all of your hard work denigrated, your cooking sneered at, your appearance criticised and so on.

No one has a perfect relationship, but it’s perfectly possible to have a relationship without any of the above, and no relationship is better than a shit one.

Life is hard anyway. Don’t let it be harder than necessary.

My mum put up with a shitty relationship for 20 years. Then when she was finally ready to think about leaving she died. Years of knowing it was shit, wishing she could escape, putting up with the criticism and when she’d finally decided it was too late.

For you and your children if you have them, make a plan.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/12/2024 13:25

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Hear, hear

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2024 13:18

@FictionalCharacter @Mrsredlipstick

I agree with you both. And it is everywhere.

I think that it’s undeniable also that children growing up in these environments will be damaged by what they see and hear throughout their childhood.

There is such a massive amount of work to do - it feels insurmountable 😔

OP posts:
Mrsredlipstick · 26/12/2024 13:10

It has truly been a year of violent, abusive partner stories on MN (I say partners because they usually haven't married the OP).
I've frequently wanted to get in my car and go to help other women.
We don't seem to be making progress as women. When I read the toxic behaviour that is everywhere including business forums I get very angry. How do we change this?
I'm glad I've be married a long time to a decent man and I'm super glad I'm retiring next year otherwise I might turn into a vigilante.

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2024 13:10

I was thinking exactly the same thing, after reading a couple of very depressing threads about awful husbands. It's worst of all when he's done such a number on the OP that she genuinely doesn't know how abnormal her life is and thinks she's being unreasonable.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2024 12:55

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 26/12/2024 12:49

Not realising is a big one.
So often, someone comes on here saying 'I have this one problem, please help.'
Then it gradually turns out her whole life is awful because of a selfish/nasty/lazy/cheating bloke who she'd be better off without.

100% this

OP posts:
Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 26/12/2024 12:49

Not realising is a big one.
So often, someone comes on here saying 'I have this one problem, please help.'
Then it gradually turns out her whole life is awful because of a selfish/nasty/lazy/cheating bloke who she'd be better off without.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2024 12:45

I’m glad you all took it as intended - I didn’t want it to sound like I was victim blaming obviously - it’s just awful reading what some women’s lives are.

I think what’s worse is some don’t seem to realise how awful it is.

OP posts:
UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 26/12/2024 12:37

Hear hear OP!

BlackeyedSusan · 26/12/2024 12:35

Absolutely.

Wish I'd left earlier.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2024 12:35

I was shocked at the number of women reporting shithead husband behaviour.

This is why women need to ensure they are solvent. Don't rely on men for anything, most of them are selfish pricks.

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