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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel Christmas for all future years?

209 replies

Dumbiamnot · 26/12/2024 11:36

My Xmas Day was terrible. DS10 is an extremely bright and capable child and he is autistic. This is a recipe for a terrible Christmas and it’s just not worth it.

He spent the first few hours of the day asking if he could open his presents, the next few hours complaining that the presents weren’t right (he chose what we bought but has such particular requirements for Everything, it’s impossible to get right), then he ate and played games - all was good for a few hours, then he ended the day with an almighty meltdown because he was overstimulated as we were out of routine, we were eating different food etc. etc. My younger DS just loves it all so I feel guilty cancelling Christmas but I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN!

This is pretty much repeated every year but with slight variation for how long he is distressed for. If I’m honest with myself? Christmas always causes him (and therefore us) distress.

YABU - don’t cancel Christmas
YANBU - cancel Christmas

OP posts:
Notsuchafattynow · 26/12/2024 11:41

And my DS has eaten chicken nuggets for xmas day his entire life. No shame in that.

Bookaholic73 · 26/12/2024 11:41

The only reason I chose the YABU option was because of your younger DS who loves Christmas.
Is it possible to change things up a bit for future years though? Maybe take your older one shopping for his Christmas presents in November, he gets to choose the presents so they are to his requirements.

Also, if he wants to eat the same as he usually would, why not let him? You could make the usual Christmas food for everyone else, then make the food that he usually eats on a normal day.

My now 20 year old is autistic and Christmas has always looked a little different to the norm here, but it’s possible to still have a good day for everyone, you just have to change your expectations.

Hang in there OP, it’s a tough job being an autism mum.

Dragonsandcats · 26/12/2024 11:40

I’m sorry as it sounds really hard but you can’t cancel because of your younger ds.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2024 11:40

That seems like a dramatic over reaction tbh.

But you can make changes - can your ds choose the exact presents he wants next year? As in, pick the exact things out in a shop or online. And can he eat something more "normal" and follow a normal routine?

Comedycook · 26/12/2024 11:40

He spent the first few hours of the day asking if he could open his presents

What happened here? Why couldn't he open them first thing? Virtually all kids want to open their presents straight away rather than wait hours

Notsuchafattynow · 26/12/2024 11:39

Can you ask for the links to the specific items so that way you can't buy the wrong item?

TeenToTwenties · 26/12/2024 11:39

Maybe not cancel it, but restructure to see if it meets needs better?

Tinselskirt · 26/12/2024 11:39

You can't sacrifice your younger dc for the older one. Immediate suggestions, let your dc open his presents when he wants, and perhaps you need to revisit how you do things - take ds to the shops a couple of days before and just let him choose all his presents so he gets the exact thing? Let him eat his safe normal food while the rest of you have xmas dinner.

My dcs are autistic/adhd so i get it. Our Christmases are very low key.

MerryChristmasYaFilthyAnimals · 26/12/2024 11:38

You have a younger child who is excited by Christmas, so no, you can't cancel it.

Make it more low key if needed, but don't cancel it all. Your poor younger DS could end up resenting his older brother if you did.