I didn’t get any Christmas presents

Does nobody in these situations speak to their family the other weeks of the year?
A chat about what the present situation is going to be at Xmas, the youngest in our family is DD19, we do enjoy giving gifts, everyone gets presents.

I'm in almost exactly the same position. I got no gifts.
I do all the gift buying for everyone else in the family, my husband gets the kudos for delivering to them.
He got money from his dad, I didn't get anything. He didn't get me a gift either.
We have older children and younger children, I'd kind of expect him to do the gift for the young ones, still didn't.
Today I'm doing the buffet for the family, so in a couple of hours, everyone will be here eating at my table for frickin free.
This year's been shit.
Not to take away from you OP. I just get you, and I'm sorry, it's bloody crap.

Who's is the next birthday? Send a packet of sausage rolls.....

No, i think she is determined to give it to me and my dB when she dies. Neither of us need it, we all work full time and have other sources of income. She just comes across as incredibly mean, especially given how well she's looked after by various family members. My cousin has just come out from visiting her in hospital. I'm going up tomorrow.

I've just been chatting to a friend of mine about the same thing. I did get one thing, but it wasn't a surprise, it wasn't wrapped, and it wasn't given to me on Christmas Day. So I had literally nothing to open yesterday morning.

It made me feel sad all day yesterday. I don't begrudge anyone else for their presents, but it's not a nice feeling knowing you got nothing.

I get why you’d be a bit hurt at being the only person not having something to open, but I think that this is a lack of communication rather than an intentional snub. If you hadn’t bought gifts for everyone then all but one of your siblings wouldn’t have had gifts to open either. If your siblings who couldn’t attend had been there, they wouldn’t have had anything to open either.

We regularly hear from people saying they only buy for kids, or their parents and kids, but not the other adults in the family, and other than the one sibling who decided to play favourites, it sounds like your siblings have done exactly this. I expect that your siblings with children probably got gifts from your nieces, but you probably got gifts from your partner, so it all evens itself out.

And the buffet as a gift, when you’re hosting anyway, is…. unusual but perhaps they’re a bit hard up and just haven’t told you. You made it sound like the buffet was just your ‘gift’ when in fact your parents didn’t get gifts for any of your siblings either.

I think it’s fair enough for parents of adult children to decide that they will host a family get together for their four grown up kids and their grandkids, and also decide that that they aren’t going to add buying a bunch of presents to their workload for the event, on top of buying all the food and hosting.

Bit mean of your siblings though.

The buffet was your present?

Sorted.

Next year you don't buy them anything. When they ask where are their presents, you tell them that your presence at the buffet was their present. Then change the subject.

My mum told me she’d pay for my £9 meal when we went out to the pub, 15 or so of us, for my birthday. I was slightly gobsmacked. I always get her thoughtful gifts. She has over £150K in the bank, no mortgage etc. She’s become incredibly mean since my dad died, or maybe she’s always been this way but dad was the generous one?

@Cherrysoup could it be your mum is worried about money and having enough to pay for her future care now your dad sadly is no longer around and she's on her own?

so last time you went the buffet was their gift, so now surprise that this year the buffet was the gift again

and now you know not to buy for your siblings and their children

BUT

what about your partner ?

did s/he not buy you anything

did you buy your partner a present ?

My brother buys loads some years and next to nothing others - it's so confusing. I do what I do and try not to worry about it.

I'm sorry they didn't get you anything OP. I do think that's really rude. Did you have a nice time there or was it awkward?

I've decided to make people who aren't investing in their relationship with me less of a priority. You can't compensate for the lack of effort on their end no matter how hard you try, and the act of trying in itself makes you feel worse rather than better. I would focus on those that match your energy and leave the others too it.

I completely understand how you feel.

It's not so much the "not getting a present" is it? (Although a present would be nice).
It's how it makes us feel, and I suppose what it represents.

Maybe. Last massive buffet I made was mostly heat and eat, with lots of stuff just needing removal from packaging. Not exactly labour intensive, although OP’s parents might have made everything from scratch, I suppose.

Call me crazy, but I’d also give presents if I were hosting/providing food.

I also didn’t get anything from family (parents, siblings + partners + kids), and am a single sole parent of an autistic 8 year old - so I knew beforehand that it would be the case, as it has been every Christmas for years now. If my child didn’t love all things Christmas, I wouldn’t put myself through it.
Hugs!

Did your parents give gifts to your sibs/grandchildren? I mean, I would bring food to share but no future gifts. My mum told me she’d pay for my £9 meal when we went out to the pub, 15 or so of us, for my birthday. I was slightly gobsmacked. I always get her thoughtful gifts. She has over £150K in the bank, no mortgage etc. She’s become incredibly mean since my dad died, or maybe she’s always been this way but dad was the generous one?

I agree. It's much more effort to prepare a buffet than it is to buy something. The effort would mean more to me than stuff.

Christmas is too commercial. This wouldn't bother me at all. Did you have an agreement that there would be no gifts? To me, this time of year is about togetherness and unwinding. For others, it's about the birth of Christ. It's not about stuff, which will inevitably go into landfill. I'd be thrilled if someone did all the cooking for me!

Who did you give gifts to?
Did you partner not get you anything?

I didn't get anything either. Xmas is pretty pointless these days. Glad it will soon be over.

Are your parents financially struggling? Or just mean and very weird?

I'm sorry you're feeling low about not receiving gifts.

If it's any consolation, you are definitely not alone; there was another thread yesterday where quite a few people (me included) said they didn't get any presents. Others were lucky enough to receive dozens of gifts. But then if you look around other threads, you'll also see plenty of people moaning about being given a load of old tat... All things considered I'd rather buy myself something nice than be given stuff I hate (which always happened when we still had family).

The idea of a buffet as a gift does sound very weird though, and I'd be inclined to make my own Christmas next year and not bother going.

Send them a pack of sausage rolls for their birthday

I mean did you even enjoy the buffet?

I haven't received a present since DS was born. I think the transformation from being a person into a mum that did it!

Are you healthy? Are you injured? Did you spend Christmas Even in A&E? Did you receive a diagnosis before Christmas? Did your nearest? House re-possessed? Or like one poster said - homeless and pregnant before Christmas. Not enough to be grateful for these Christmas blessings? Or would you like some bath salts as well? As a token?

About your relatives? What is their financial position? Are they spending their last meagre money to put on a buffet? Or are they stretching their finances to give you all a buffet? Has anyone thought of that? The cost of a buffet can be high and in today's economic climate it may be a challenge. I think it is an immense treat not to cook and just come and enjoy the atmosphere and the buffet. Is it not enough? Why is it not enough? Did you help prepare the buffet or just came and enjoyed it and it was not enough?

Well I don't think parents should be expected to give adult children gifts.
I buy for mine but I don't expect them to buy for me. I would rather they spend money on something for themselves. And I would gladly accept a good buffet and effort from them as a gift. I truly hate a token box of chocolates as a gift for any occasion. I would rather no gift.

I really, really don't think adults should expect gifts from other adults. I would happily spoil children but definitely don't think I should spoil adults