I didn’t get any Christmas presents

Next year, check in advance what people want to do, and don't buy for anyone who isn't buying for you. Saves time and money. I might still buy for parents even if their present IS a buffet, especially if they're generous at other times.

It's a bit odd to give a buffet meal as a present and I understand it's hurtful, especially as your siiblingd didn't reciprocate your gifts.
Did your DP get you anything or any friends get you anything?
I didn't get anything either and it was just DS1 and I yesterday.
After a disagreement about me wasting money on £5 subscription to Netflix, he left taking all the( party food with him)
Next year, I think you need a conversation beforehand

Normal for my family, only parents and children get presents. Although some of us still give out presents but nothing in return is expected. We are all happy this way. We prefer stress/hassle/waste free family get together.

It is quite odd he’s right.

Agreed. Should we never be happy because someone else is happier? No, so there's no reason why we can never be unhappy because someone else is unhappier. It's illogical.

No, not because somebody else is worse off, because you never know how long YOUR good health, YOUR good fortune will last, nothing to do with other people, I can't believe people don't understand this. Be grateful for your good state now, whilst it is good. Count your blessings NOW, these blessings are your presents.

Wait! You didn't get a present from your partner either? Or from friends?

@Hwi

My god, are you for real . It's not a race to the bottom . Should we not enjoy anything ever because somebody also is worse off .
You can't have had much joy in your life to come out with this .

It seems unclear what the gift giving expectations are in our family. You all need to communicate better next year and ask - what are we doing for presents this year? Children only? Secret Santa? etc. If the buffet is a gift, tell your parents you won't get them a gift either but will bring a dish.

I only got a gift off ds. As we have agreed not to do adult presents in our extended family and dh and I are not fussed with present buying for each other. We don't expect anything so we are not disappointed.

Exactly! I think it is really shabby! But I do agree with a food/drink contribution.

I really think Christmas gifts are for children not adults.

Don’t go to the buffet then? Why didn’t DP get you a present? Or friends?

It's common in a lot of families to only buy presents for children and sometimes adults without children. The buffet, although not an individual present, is still money being spent on you by your parents. When there are a lot of nieces/nephews/grandchildren it can get very expensive for people. Is there a reason why you didn't know this was the dynamic in your family?

@NeedySwan quite a few people have asked if your partner got you a present? As he doesn't seem to approve of the set-up you've described. Did absolutely no one buy you a gift, or was it just immediate family? If the latter, perhaps they genuinely understood the buffet to be their gift to those present and communicated that rather badly.

@mainecooncatonahottinroof so you wouldn't go to a buffet put on by a sibling because they don't get you a present? Is Christmas all about gifts for you?

I guess they are used to treating you like shit and you putting up with it then.

Didn't your partner get you a present @NeedySwan ?

We aren't a family that likes stuff for the sake of it. We can all afford the perfume etc that we like. So why have the pressure of buying and wrapping for each other? Unless it was edible I wouldn't want a home made gift. I don't eat cake etc.
@NeedySwan so your parents don't do presents and won't be bullied into doing presents, good for them.
These threads blow out of the water that Christmas is about spending time with family. Which it should be. It actually used to be like that during my childhood in the 60/70's. Someone would host and drinks would be taken. All of today's gift buying didn't happen between WC adults. Women were bought for because of the difference in wages and as recognition of unpaid labour. There's no pressure at Christmas if everyone stopped thinking that they had to spend a fortune on anyone but their children.

Most people would feel hurt by this. It sounds like they have form so instead of knowingly going into the hurt buy yourself the best present you can afford & never have any expectation of them buying for you in future.

Letting go of expectation will save you a whole lot of hurt.

I've seen people mentioning on here that they expected voluntary contributions 😂 I didn't, and no I wouldn't ask either. You don't have to offer to do Christmas dinner - if you begrudge them, everyone can just stay at home.

Yes, I see how she comes across as very mean. I'm sorry it troubles you but it's lovely how you just get on with things and don't neglect her. Perhaps you can treat yourself to a few nice things during the year, then wrap them up and put them away as others have suggested. Not the same, I know, but might give you a smile on Christmas Day?

Well.. to be honest at lest they did not say "That'll be £25 for the meal" which I think is awful. By all means ask people to bring contributions but |I think charging them is crass! So from now on just bring a bottle of wine/biscuits/chocolates etc.

God the competitive misery shit is toecurling.

People are allowed to be upset about all kinds and levels of things!

I will always spoil my adult children.

I wouldn't bring anything for the buffet in return for the total lack of presents - that's if I'd even go to their rotten buffet in the first place. Do not ever buy them anything again. You could just not do it, or you could say that since they've cut out giving presents, you are going to follow suit. I don't exchange presents with my siblings and I get on with two of the three!

I bet this is only the tip of the iceberg though...most people don't behave like that.

@NeedySwan haste thee online shopping and treat yourself to and treat yourself to something gorgeous in the sales, and fuck the lot of them!