I didn’t get any Christmas presents

Just read the last page and just had to say, I bought my DSis and BIL a pub voucher between them and cash for my 3 adult nieces. We also bought my FIL and partner more than one gift each but have just realised we forgot to buy his great-uncle anything!

So we buy presents for the adult members of our family. It's an expression of love and we love our family. We also buy for now adult young people.

What a load of scrooges - it's nice to buy for both adults and children even if it's a token gift. Things don't need to be expensive.

If you don't lay the law down now, it will be the same every year x

I know. I really do. It's doing it and not getting ignored or a kick off.

Seems that if there’s a culture of gift giving or not gift giving in your family then it’s fine as long as everyone buys into it. There are a lot of hurt feelings on these threads though, where the value of giving or receiving gifts isn’t interpreted in the same way by both sides. FWIW I’m sure most people would prefer to bring a contribution to a family buffet than to have the value of what they have eaten counted as their gift.

Someone up thread said it’s all fine because gift giving is a relatively new thing but this is not at all true. Both my parents grew up in the forties in families where the giving of Christmas gifts was always part of the celebrations. DF grew up absolutely dirt poor but his family always exchanged gifts.

Well I don't think parents should be expected to give adult children gifts.
why not? they'll always be my children , we all exchange gifts, it's lovely to treat each other.

Agree, that's what you and I would think, but some older people get quite anxious about money and even a small extra amount out of the account can be a source of anxiety.

However, CherrySoup has come back and said this isn't the case with her mum.

Honestly the initial framing is pretty misleading, OP. Your parents didn’t buy adult gifts. Your siblings bought your parents something in exchange for hosting everyone. You bought gifts for everyone (even though your parents had said they wouldn’t be buying) but somehow didn’t realize what the situation would be. It sounds like a communication issue, honestly.

Neither DH or I do individual gifts between adult siblings and I grew up with that being the norm - my parents didn’t exchange with their siblings or parents. We buy family gifts between sibling families (I have some single, childless sibs so their gifts are effectively for them alone, but they’re usually things for their homes), and we do a family gift to each grandparent (grandparents do buy for each grandchild). Usually we either do a white elephant with inexpensive but non-rubbish gifts or everyone draws names and buys for one person so there’s something to open. In the run up to Christmas our families just clarify via group text what the plan is for gifts that year. Changing family sizes, varying plans, and big disparities in finances mean we’ve adjusted plans through the years.

I don’t understand the “well don’t bother to go if they won’t buy you a gift” chants on here. The point of going to see family for Christmas is to see family for Christmas. Same for people saying if the parents don’t want to do all of the hosting and by gifts they should just not host at all… this completely ignores the value of seeing their children on Christmas. By all means, don’t buy gifts for people who aren’t wanting to exchange gifts unless you’re happy for yours to go unreciprocated, but otherwise just clarify the expectations and go see your family on Christmas. And yes, if your parents are hosting you should either contribute something (nibbles, drinks, sweets/dessert) or bring them a small host gift.

I'm not complaining about lack of presents, although she doesn't give me one, I just want her to be a bit less tight with the family members who look after her! There are little children and when she goes to go on lovely days out, I think she should pay.

this just happened on DH side of the family- one gave a cash gift to our just under 18 DC and nothing to the just over 18 DC. I find it so weird and shows no understanding of sibling dynamics.

It's a shitty rule though, my partner and I don't have kids so we buy for his 9 nieces, nephews and grand-nephew and receive nothing ourselves. Costs a fortune.

So if you have a child who's 15 and a child who's 20, the 20 year old has to sit there and watch their sibling open tons of presents while they get nothing? Weird.

Kindly OP, I think YABU. My family don’t buy adult’s presents. It’s always been that way, we only buy for the kids.
Your parents didn’t leave you out, you got the same treatment as your siblings.
Why didn’t your partner buy you a gift?

It’s not a shabby for a whole family with very low incomes at all. I had friend growing up who all got together (parent, grandparents, a few aunts and uncles with their kids) so the whole family together for Christmas dinner. Everyone sent the hosting house money beforehand so they could buy all the stuff needed. If they didn’t do it like that, none of them could have afforded to host the family and they’d all have had to have separate smaller meals. That’s fine if you want to have separate Christmas meals, but they didn’t. They wanted big family Christmas and it was only affordable if everyone split the cost.

How is that shabby?

Christmas isn't only about children. My children are adults, and they will be getting Christmas gifts for as long as I am able.

The big shit!! I wouldn't let that one go...

Oh fgs people can't go round thinking like that. What a harbinger of doom. Not even glass half empty - I don't think there's so much as a drop in the bottom of it!

I don't think it's a sibling, it's the parents. My parents did Christmas dinner for the whole family right up to and including their final Christmas, and did it gladly, as well as buying all of us generous gifts. They did it because they wouldn't have had it any other way. We bought them gifts in return too. They would never have considered the meal to be a 'gift' even though it must have cost them an arm and a leg to do a dinner with all the trimmings for all of us. We do the same now for our adult children. I think that is very normal. All my friends and family do it.

And no, if I got a sibling a gift and reasonably expected to receive one in return, then I don't feel I'd want to be in their company, because it's very hurtful.

Actually Christmas is far from "all about gifts" for me. I don't exchange presents with siblings, or friends. Both sets of parents are dead. We stopped buying for nieces and nephews at Christmas, and only buy for their birthdays. My husband and I don't exchange gifts either because anything we want we buy for ourselves. Our children are literally the only ones who buy us presents for Christmas. I give my hairdresser and nail tech a Christmas tip.

So you're picking on the wrong person here lol!

I feel for the OP though who is clearly very hurt.

Hugs xx

Bullshit.

Why didn't your partner get you a gift?

Omg you need to put an end to that shit!!

Next year, husband does the present buying not you. And you make it plain to your ungrateful older children that as you are generous to them, you expect them to think of you in return. They need to learn that lesson or they will be really selfish adults!

Tell him it would only be fair if he spent his dad's money on something that benefits both of you, seeing as you were the only who did all the bloody work, and that you won't be tolerating this level of disrespect another year!

And probably too late now but I'd make them do all the work of the buffet while you sit with a nice glass of something and give them directions! Plus they can clear up after!!

I think it's odd that all the siblings didn't buy for each other.

Don't you get on?

Didn't you all know who would be there?

I don't think a small gift would make much of a dent in that budget.

My parents were both gone by my mid 20s, but your post has made me try to think if they'd still buy me presents now that I'm in my 40s if they were still here, and I don't think they would. I think they'd give presents to their grandchildren though.

My DH and I don't buy each other gifts at all, but that is a mutual agreement.

My siblings and I do buy each other gifts, but we've decided Secret Santa is the way forward next year, as nieces and nephews are now adults, and so they can join too. I will still give extra to the younger ones until they are 25 though.

Going forward, if I were you I think I'd accept the buffet as a gift, and still buy for my parents and my nieces and nephews, but I'd be less inclined to buy gifts for my siblings and spend that money on myself next year.

Sorry you didn't receive anything.