How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

This is just highlighting the positives for your daughter. What about the negatives of having an extremely stretched and stressed out mum?

My dc’s primary was rated good. It wasn’t and I do regret not taking them out but plodding along thinking it would get better. It was particularly bad for my eldest who was lost really in the bag class. She’d have thrived a lot more in private primary. So just because a school is rated good you still need to look yourself.

OP, if you’re still around - what did you choose to do in the end? How are things working out?

Not necessarily true. My DD was in a class of 16 kids in primary all the way through to year 6. This was a state school No issues with friendships. She then went to a school that none of her classmates did. Made new friends.

Like the 11plus in state schools you do the exam at the start of your final year of primary so kids aren’t all 11years old. The 13plus exams or just entrance exams ( as many private schools have their own exams, ours did ) are at the beginning of that final year of prep. Many schools, however, have their own entrance exams which can be at any time during that final year. For my kids senior school they did theirs in June prior to starting in September.( schools can be flexible if there’s places available ).

So it’s not really well in advance, it’s less than a the year before they start. The same as the 11plus in that respect.

My DC's non selective Private school has the word "Grammar" in its name.

Terminology is used very loosely these days. Back in ye olden 1970s, Cambridge city and county was an early adopter of the comprehensive system. The city had 4 grammar schools - 2 for girls and 2 for boys. Additionally, there were 2 private senior schools that creamed off the best 11 plus passes - one girls, one boys. They were also few paying schools with their own entrance arrangements for the rest of their pupils.

These schools Perse Boys and Perse Girls still exist with slightly altered names and are both co ed. The main entry is at 11. The former boys school goes right down to nursery level on various different sites. They call the junior years 3-6 a prep school. The former girls school has also expanded on various sites, but they term their years 3-6 a junior school.

There a a variety of independent school settings in Cambridge. The only other combination with strong links is St Faith's and The Leys. St Faith's does Pre Prep and Prep and The Leys does senior. Main cohort of the Leys year 9 up. The year 7s are mainly a few from state schools and a few boarders generally from outside the uk.

I hear you !
I have 3 children ( grown up now ) and at some point I had 2 different schools ( because it was a split site school) and a kindy to drop at and pick up from .
I really don’t know how much time I spent driving through city traffic at rush hour 😳
We were renting at that point so we searched for and found a rental so that the oldest could walk to school and I had an easier drive to kindy and primary school.
The days the little one wasn’t in kindy we walked to the primary school it was great 😊

Senior school exams originally in private schools were and still are at age 13 as senior school starts at age 13.

Interesting about the history but this is incorrect about when kids do senior private school entry exams. You have to do the exam well in advance of when you start.

OP I think the nature of your child is really important here.

Reintroducing your daughter to private education in a through school at the beginning of secondary can be a little challenging, as the cohort has already spent years building friendships and might not be open to welcoming a new student into their group.

I know of a few real life instances where this was done, and whilst the children loved the school they struggled to make friends for the first couple of years because the students were already 'grouped'. Not to mention they also missed their friends from primary. They were also behind a little on certain subjects that others were not, as the curriculum was slightly different and the through students had already studied these things in primary (in these cases I mention it was maths, science, French and Japanese).

I think it might be wise, if you're considering pulling your daughter out and placing her in public school and still want a private secondary education, to consider a school that isn't a through school, so she's on an even footing with everyone else.

This isn't something to worry about though if your child makes friends easily.

Either way there's a lot to consider and I empathise with how stressful this has been for you. Best of luck and hopefully you find a solution that works for everyone.

Prep originally referred to preparing for the world of University which they went onto after prep. If in fact they did at all as even those wealthy people who could afford school didn’t all continue after age 13 in which case it was simply preparing for life.

Prep now means preparing for senior school as it’s compulsory to stay on now.

Senior schools ie 11plus didn’t exist at that age in the private sector.
Senior school exams originally in private schools were and still are at age 13 as senior school starts at age 13. It’s only more recently that some private schools may start at 11. It’s not the norm and certainly wasn’t historically, not in the UK.

OK but I’m not clear - what do you think “prep” is referring to then?

I was referring to entrance exams for senior school generally when I said 11+. There have always been entrance exams.

NB OP’s all -through school, my son’s and another near my son’s all use “Junior” rather than prep.

That’s not the case in either of my childrens all through privates
They both used pre prep, prep and senior.

Most schools in olden times were just the prep years 8 to 13.
Students didn’t do formal school before and after they’d go to Cambridge or similar at age 13

The prep has nothing to do with prepping for the 11 plus. Private schools have been around for a lot lot longer than the 11plus.

Hi OP,

I've only read your posts, not the whole thread, but I wondered if I could chip in some thoughts as a state school parent?

It might be worth visiting the local state primary school that you are considering. You already know which year group she would be in so you could go and see the classroom while they are teaching and see what the kids are like and what the vibe in the classroom is like.

My son went right through state primary, and the main thing I found was that the quality of education was incredibly dependent on what set of kids they had in the year group. State schools have to take a lot of kids with special educational needs these days (mine included). There are some classes where send kids can be extremely disruptive, and there are other kids where everything is very calm and quiet and absolutely fine.

It also depends massively on the teacher who has the class each year. My son had some really wonderful teachers, but also some really ropey ones. Unfortunately if you get a year with a rubbish teacher then it can be a long miserable slog until you get to the next year.

There was a huge amount of staff turnover in our school and we got through even 5 or maybe 6 head teachers in the 7 years we were there. Two years running the classroom teacher left at Christmas and we got a new one, and those were the two best years.

I think the best thing really would be to go and see the state school. It does sound as though the driving that you are having to do is just far too much and if you see the state school then you might get a very clear idea of whether it would be better.

The last thing that is worth knowing is that state secondary can be very very difficult for SEND children. I've had to take my son out under absolutely miserable circumstances, in year 9 because they could not "meet need". If you have the option financially to stay in the private school then that would be best for a send child, but it sounds as though the travel may just be too much.

Good luck and I totally hear how hard it is. I hope you find a solution.

I sent my two DS private but waited until they were 11. Reading your posts and her age, I'd go on the waiting list and save yourself all of the stress.

I have a feeling you will regret this commute and stress .

I had this problem and solved it by switching my school run commute to a long tail cargo ebike. 40 min each way slog by car to go a miniscule distance became an 11 minute cycle each way. We all enjoy the fresh air and I get some exercise each day.

I’d move her to the good local state primary if you can. You sound exhausted in your original post.
The benefits of her current school don’t seem enough to warrant the current hassle.
She’d probably be perfectly happy and do well at your local state school.

An all-through private school would refer to the primary part as “Junior School” because it’s not “prepping” the children to do an 11+ exam to get into a senior school. They will simply progress to the senior school part of the same institution.

Private primaries that are not connected to a specific private secondary often describe themselves as “prep schools” because their raison d’etre is preparing the kids for competitive entry to a rage of private senior schools.

Some non-connected private primary schools have also done away with “prep” as it sounds archaic and a bit snooty.

Firstly, "good" isn't that great. It's not "outstanding". And different schools suit different kids - I sent my elder daughter to a "good" junior school while her sister went to an "outstanding" one, because they were right for each of them. My elder daughter would have hated the outstanding one.

Secondly, do they have places? Often schools are full and the LA could give you a place at a school miles away.

Thirdly, if your daughter has additional needs she will probably be better served at a decent state school. In the private sector their basic offering is attractive to parents, but the minute you need extra resources they will probably charge you for it or ask you to leave.

Fourthly, I suggest you get your daughter assessed by a speech and language therapist - they do a lot more than help kids speak. We had our daughter assessed and it was incredibly helpful. I was extremely dubious when advised to have her assessed but it was life changing. The issues you mention would fall under Speech and language.

So, we strongly considered sending our eldest to a "better" primary school a short commute away vs sending her to the one that is a 60 second walk away. In the end, we opted for the latter, and I am SO GLAD that we did. She can play until 8.45am and then we can get her ready, out of the door 8.55am, back home for WFH 9.05am... all playdates with school friends are in walking distance etc.

You mentioned concerns based on nursery reports - I'd say that the things you mention are very much developmentally appropriate for preschoolers, and state schools will also be set up to help kids handle the transition required of school in terms of listening, waiting to talk etc. I've also been amazed at home much my DD has grown and developed over just the first 6 months of school - I was worried she would struggle but she hasn't, it's like her brain and social development has just "levelled up".

I think the confusion from pp is the age differences
preprep is up to 8
prep is up to 13 ( ie 5 years )
then senior 13 to 18 ( ie 5 years )

Infant, primary and Secondary terms are different ages and if you don’t know the system you wouldn’t know what age groups they refer to
Its the same as using Year 1,2,3 etc. I would have no idea what age children would be in them because my kids schools didn’t use that to reference a year group. Much the same as you may not know what a Shell or Remove kid is,

I am in a similar situation and know if I got one of those bikes with a trailer for the kids, the trip would go down to 10 minutes because we have cycle lanes. Would that help?

So what if they do? Doesn't mean we all have to buy into their silly language in talking about them