Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH complaining about my Christmas Dinner

342 replies

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 05:12

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:42

I think I've spotted that the op has responded but with a name change.

Yes op, this isn't a healthy relationship.

We know your husband finished at 2 but we don't know when he started, let's assume 6am...

If you were married to A decent husband in a healthy relationship here, you probably would have just prepped what you could in the morning whilst enjoying Christmas Day with your kids. Then when he got home, or even an hour or so after ti give him a chance to shower/wind down - it would have been all hands on deck. That might have looked like both cooking together, or one of you taking the kids to the park whilst the other sorted dinner. Then you would have had dinner. No pleasant person would have said anything negative to the chef if any part of the meal went wrong. You would then have cleaned up together.

Hwi · 26/12/2024 09:40

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:34

You've jumped to quite a lot of completely made up conclusions there @Hwi

Sorry, I was wrong. She is clearly a partner in a law firm, working from home, remote hearings, that sort of thing. Hence money is not an issue. He goes to work for fun/to feel masculine/not to sponge off her money, hence working on Christmas day. He was mentioning the price of the turkey because it is what you do when you are engaged in small talk. Sorry.

Motherbear44 · 26/12/2024 09:39

HappyMamma2023 · 26/12/2024 09:37

I feel for you OP. I spent Chritmas Eve day cooking a turkey and roast beef whilst looking after our 18mold toddler who was poorly with a cough and temp. My husband had to work which we were both disapointed about. Everything seemed OK at first but then started to go wrong but I was lucky enough to ring my mum to come and help. If anyone had made a comment eating Christmas dinner I couldn't have been as restrained as you have. Funnily enough my husband found the turkey gibblets still in the plastic in the turkey when he was carving the leftovers. It's been our secret! Take care xx

I love your DH - that he can keep a secret.

Motherbear44 · 26/12/2024 09:38

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 06:11

Oh possibly the beef then? Told my mum and she’s had similar experiences and she’s used to cooking beef. She’s had to bin some joints.

So now you don’t ever cook roast beef again. Turkey or chicken are much more forgiving. I know from personal experience that the actual meat is not the point. “Be nice” is what DH should be practicing. Unless you have cooked a Christmas dinner from scratch it is hard to understand how stressful it is.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 26/12/2024 09:38

Why didn't you immediately snap back with something like, "Well it's a damn sight better than the meal you cooked!"

My DH came this lark a bit when we first got together. I put him straight in the moment and still do on very rare occasions.

If I've put in effort and someone that has done sweet FA says something off colour, they get it back in spades in the moment now but the older you get, the less shit you take IMHO.

HappyMamma2023 · 26/12/2024 09:37

I feel for you OP. I spent Chritmas Eve day cooking a turkey and roast beef whilst looking after our 18mold toddler who was poorly with a cough and temp. My husband had to work which we were both disapointed about. Everything seemed OK at first but then started to go wrong but I was lucky enough to ring my mum to come and help. If anyone had made a comment eating Christmas dinner I couldn't have been as restrained as you have. Funnily enough my husband found the turkey gibblets still in the plastic in the turkey when he was carving the leftovers. It's been our secret! Take care xx

onwardsup4 · 26/12/2024 09:35

brummumma · 26/12/2024 05:50

You obviously have access to the internet so could have googled how to cook beef? You admit it was awful and if he's making some jokes about it so what just let it go over your head I think you are blowing this out of proportion

Op said he moaned and moaned so I'm not sure where you got made a few jokes from

RachelGreeneGreep · 26/12/2024 09:34

As others have said, OP, this is not about meat being over cooked. This is about a very disrespectful man, who is in turn, giving that example to your children.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:34

You've jumped to quite a lot of completely made up conclusions there @Hwi

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2024 09:34

I’d have bollocked his arse in front of his parents. Ok, he was working, but you did all the prep (and I bet he didn’t know what the dc got for Christmas!), cooked and I bet you cleared too. My dh thanked me twice for cooking and clearing yesterday (to be fair, he’s the main cook as I’m just not really bothered about food). I hope you’ve had serious words with him.

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/12/2024 09:33

My beef was tough too, it was the first thing some of my extended family mentioned 🤣

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/12/2024 09:32

Oh dear, looks like your wanker of a husband will have to cook Christmas dinner next year.

Hwi · 26/12/2024 09:29

CowTown · 26/12/2024 09:17

My husband earns significantly more than me, and still managed to cook the meal. Welcome to 2024.

Sorry, I should have written 'the provider', not the main provider. I totally agree, it does not matter that one earns less, as long as both are working their socks off. In this case the OP is clearly a sahm, they are not rolling in it - otherwise he would not have noticed how expensive the turkey was, and he had to work on Christmas day. I do get triggered when sahp is advised to tell the breadwinner to cook and/or clean and/or look after the children as well. I am the only breadwinner in the family or if their (sahp and the breadwinner) efforts and contributions are deemed equal.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:24

Same old shit, different poster.

If I want to teach my daughters one thing, it's that they're worth more than this.

That being single will result in more happiness for them than being with a lazy, selfish, sexist, ungrateful twat.

Not even really sure why they would need to be told this, you'd think it obvious, except on mumsnet there's an hourly post like this.

Nothing to do with the beef op, and everything to do with the personality of the prick you've married.

Pumpkincozynights · 26/12/2024 09:24

Telling a vegetarian to just guess how long to cook a joint for is ridiculous.
10 hours? 20 minutes?
I would say next year you will not be cooking more than one meat and quite frankly your dh can cook it.

katepilar · 26/12/2024 09:20

He can do all the cooking and all next year. He sounds a piece of work.

Lovelysummerdays · 26/12/2024 09:18

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 06:10

Interesting 🤨 It was a joint from Tesco - £7.75 with a clubcard - bargain 😆 It was 1.34KG? Not big.

I actually bought loads of those joints for the freezer as a bargain. I’ve cooked a few and the quality is variable despite cooking the same way. I stick in air fryer up full for 15 minutes then 45 mins at 120. Rest for at least 20 minutes. One roast was so tough it’s been portioned up to use as dog treats.

CowTown · 26/12/2024 09:17

Hwi · 26/12/2024 09:07

What, in addition to being the main provider he has to cook as well?

My husband earns significantly more than me, and still managed to cook the meal. Welcome to 2024.

JFDIYOLO · 26/12/2024 09:17

Tell him today, and his parents, and the kids, that on Christmas day 2025 he will be cooking the Christmas dinner.

ChristmasEveNotChristmasSteve · 26/12/2024 09:13

Well that's fucking rude.

HardenYourHeart · 26/12/2024 09:12

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 06:01

The issue was more how it was the first thing he mentioned along with moaning that there was no cutlery on the table and he would have to wash some-there was but he just couldn’t find it. Also stuffing his face with chocolate just before I was dishing up and complaining that I hadn’t sat down to join everyone but I was still running around serving everyone.

Ugh, does he have any redeeming characteristics? Does he add anything to your life and that of the kids, or is he merely a burden to you all?

Personally, I'd be reconsidering this marriage. Life is too short to be made unhappy by one person and his family entourage.

Pussycat22 · 26/12/2024 09:09

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 05:12

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

He'd be wearing it along with the gravy!!

NiftyPeachDreamer · 26/12/2024 09:09

pelargoniums · 26/12/2024 08:58

It’s one of my least favourite MNisms: “My arzehole husband did this terrible thing, he has a history of terrible things such as XYZ then today in our yellow living room he did it again.”

Mumsnet: “Omg you say living room and not sitting room?” “Ugh, yellow, ours is skimming stone, why not repaint, he’s probably got a migraine from the colour.” “Actually it’s spelled ‘arsehole’, HTH.” “Try spending more on a better joint of beef.”

😊 that’s true, it happens so often. I don’t know if it’s conscious or if they really have ‘internalised the patriarchy’, as a pp put it.

Poppins21 · 26/12/2024 09:07

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 06:11

Oh possibly the beef then? Told my mum and she’s had similar experiences and she’s used to cooking beef. She’s had to bin some joints.

I can cook beef but one beef joint I did was so bloody awful I ended up ringing the meat processor and offered to post it back to him! I was so angry as it was our New Year’s Day dinner.

Hwi · 26/12/2024 09:07

MumChp · 26/12/2024 05:17

Next year you leave home and he fix Christmas dinner and entertain the children.

What, in addition to being the main provider he has to cook as well?