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AIBU?

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DH complaining about my Christmas Dinner

342 replies

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 05:12

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

OP posts:
masterblaster · 27/12/2024 19:54

TuffasOldBoots · 27/12/2024 19:00

Who offered to help me??

His mum. You turned her down. You will forever be unable to cook beef.

180oC, sorry, didn’t give you the temperature.

DarkForces · 27/12/2024 19:17

pelargoniums · 27/12/2024 19:00

📣 WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING ABLE TO COOK BEEF OR NOT JESU JESU WE’RE ON PAGE 11 OF THIS SHIT

This. She might have served crap beef but that's irrelevant and absolutely no excuse for belittling op in front of his family.

JJMama · 27/12/2024 19:13

Is he always this nasty and arrogant OP? Purposely shaming you in front of his family is outrageous and I can’t believe you didn’t call him out on that.

He appears to have zero respect for you - are you okay with that as it doesn’t sound like it’ll get any better. What a nasty nasty man to spoil your Christmas, and the worst part for me is that he has your children laughing along, taking the piss out of you.

Nip that in the bud now.

SummerSnowstorm · 27/12/2024 19:12

Just don't do beef next year, but sometimes it's easier to adjust your attitude than try to fix someone else's.

Rather than stewing on it and letting it ruin your mood in future for something like that I'd just laugh it off, say yeah it's not great is it, I did tell you to give me tips! And to the inlaws something like "yeah it turned out awful, I asked DH for help beforehand as he usually cooks them and he said just guess so I don't think he'll make that mistake again!

catlover123456789 · 27/12/2024 19:10

Looks like your husband has just volunteered to cook next year!

fetchacloth · 27/12/2024 19:04

Maybe next year DH can do the cooking and simultaneously play with the kids.
Or, even better, DH could take you out for Christmas lunch.

TuffasOldBoots · 27/12/2024 19:00

masterblaster · 27/12/2024 18:38

You don’t know how to cook beef. Someone offered help. You turned their help down. You don’t own cook books, and can’t look on the internet? Here you go. 20 minutes per lb and 20 minutes over for medium, rest it in foil for 30 mins before serving. Now you can cook beef.

Who offered to help me??

OP posts:
pelargoniums · 27/12/2024 19:00

masterblaster · 27/12/2024 18:38

You don’t know how to cook beef. Someone offered help. You turned their help down. You don’t own cook books, and can’t look on the internet? Here you go. 20 minutes per lb and 20 minutes over for medium, rest it in foil for 30 mins before serving. Now you can cook beef.

📣 WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING ABLE TO COOK BEEF OR NOT JESU JESU WE’RE ON PAGE 11 OF THIS SHIT

J3001 · 27/12/2024 18:51

Got butchers beef few weeks ago roasted it and lovely and soft got asda and tough and was slow roasted

masterblaster · 27/12/2024 18:38

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 05:12

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

You don’t know how to cook beef. Someone offered help. You turned their help down. You don’t own cook books, and can’t look on the internet? Here you go. 20 minutes per lb and 20 minutes over for medium, rest it in foil for 30 mins before serving. Now you can cook beef.

masterblaster · 27/12/2024 18:35

MumChp · 26/12/2024 05:17

Next year you leave home and he fix Christmas dinner and entertain the children.

You miss the bit where he was AT WORK?

PoshHorseyBird · 27/12/2024 18:13

My response would have been "oh DH...as dinner was so terrible, next year you'll be cooking it. No, no I insist! Make sure you've git the day off work! Yes you WILL be cooking it. Became I certainly won't!" All said with a big passive aggressive smile! 😁
And as others have said it could well have been the beef. I got a joint of beef a couple of weeks ago from Sainsbury's that was on offer. It was awful, stringy and chewy. But the dog enjoyed it anyway.

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 17:59

arethereanyleftatall · Today 15:49
“I know you've pretended even to yourself that you announced your sex because it's mumsnet, but I rather suspect you announced it to elevate your position to listened to.
Because that's the current state of society.”

FFS I give up, the prejudice is too much. I have many (platonic female friends , my best mate is a woman, my partner of 34 years couldn’t get her head round that, she was of the opinion that a man and a woman could never just be friends! She changed that opinion quickly thank god. Your reply of “elevating my position by declaring my gender could not be further from the truth!. She is still my partner not married,because thats what we are Partners equal in every respect.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2024 15:49

It can be an interesting experiment for you @Thameslock

Name change, dont announce your sex, and then see how your actual words themselves are valued.

My impression of society at the moment is that the following opinions are valued ;

  1. Articulate, intelligent women
  2. Men

Ignored ;
Other women.

I know you've pretended even to yourself that you announced your sex because it's mumsnet, but I rather suspect you announced it to elevate your position to listened to.

Because that's the current state of society.

DarkForces · 27/12/2024 13:16

slightlydistrac · 27/12/2024 11:37

20 minutes per lb + 20 minutes over. Gas mark 5.

That's it.

Alternatively pass beef to dh and he can sort it. I'm not sure why the solution to dh being a twat is giving a woman cooking instructions

pikkumyy77 · 27/12/2024 13:15

If people don’t appreciate your effort stop making the effort. Simple.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/12/2024 12:35

let him take responsibility for cooking all family meals going forward, problem solved.

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 12:32

Itsalwaysfools · 27/12/2024 12:21

You get negative comments because you herald your arrival as a man. Just comment as any other poster, unless it's absolutely critical to say that you're a man eg, your experience of taking viagra.

Edited to add, why would people need to be kind cos you're a bloke? Are you helpless or vunerable just by virtue of being a man? If you need kindness cos you're in dire straights or in a tricky situation, then that's fair enough but it's not women's job to 'be kind' to you just because.

Edited

Agreed.

The “be kind to me bit” was an attempt at humour,missed the mark(my fault).l have had some pretty toxic vitriol on other threads purely for being male, but yes I can see now that I could have avoided that by not mentioning my gender

Itsalwaysfools · 27/12/2024 12:21

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 11:21

As its predominantly women,I think as a minority here it’s pertinent to let people know the post has a male perspective, perhaps no need to do that, but I thought it may be useful to let posters know. Perhaps I need to rethink that, as I do get a lot of negative comments, according to some I have no right to be here!

You get negative comments because you herald your arrival as a man. Just comment as any other poster, unless it's absolutely critical to say that you're a man eg, your experience of taking viagra.

Edited to add, why would people need to be kind cos you're a bloke? Are you helpless or vunerable just by virtue of being a man? If you need kindness cos you're in dire straights or in a tricky situation, then that's fair enough but it's not women's job to 'be kind' to you just because.

slightlydistrac · 27/12/2024 11:37

TuffasOldBoots · 26/12/2024 05:56

I did google how to cook a beef joint but seemed to get multiple timings/different techniques and no definitive answer. It wasn’t good but it was ok when the gravy was added, he wouldn’t let me throw it away. Asked friends advice too but everyone seemed to say different times - one said 4 hours and another said just over one hour - it was difficult to judge it.

20 minutes per lb + 20 minutes over. Gas mark 5.

That's it.

Technonan · 27/12/2024 11:26

it's very disloyal of him to complain about the beef to his family, and bad manners to complain to you.

For future reference, small joints are tricky, and the timings don't really work. Use them as a rough guide, and use a meat thermometer. Some joints are very low fat and are better pot roasted. Also make sure it has time to rest. I'm sure you know all of this, but it's difficult when you have so many other things to cook and get the timing right.

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 11:21

Itsalwaysfools · 27/12/2024 11:16

Fair comment. I retract the abusive comment. On a separate note though, why do you feel it necessary to announce that you're a bloke? It really doesn't give your contribution more importance or weight. Just comment like everyone else.

As its predominantly women,I think as a minority here it’s pertinent to let people know the post has a male perspective, perhaps no need to do that, but I thought it may be useful to let posters know. Perhaps I need to rethink that, as I do get a lot of negative comments, according to some I have no right to be here!

Itsalwaysfools · 27/12/2024 11:16

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 09:57

Who said he was abusive? the OP didnt. Thats your interpretation. He was being an arse, dont think anyone would disagree with that.
There seems to be a lot of posters on MN who because (perhaps) of their experiences. Immediately take the nuclear option.

Fair comment. I retract the abusive comment. On a separate note though, why do you feel it necessary to announce that you're a bloke? It really doesn't give your contribution more importance or weight. Just comment like everyone else.

Thameslock · 27/12/2024 09:57

Itsalwaysfools · 27/12/2024 07:29

Really bad advice. Never show an abusive man that you've publicly written about him and he's been roundly criticised online. It's highly unlikely to make him realise the error of his ways and more likely to make him snap. Same with counselling. Never go to joint counselling with an abusive man.

Who said he was abusive? the OP didnt. Thats your interpretation. He was being an arse, dont think anyone would disagree with that.
There seems to be a lot of posters on MN who because (perhaps) of their experiences. Immediately take the nuclear option.

JFDIYOLO · 27/12/2024 09:56

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FECKIN BEEF, PEOPLE.

Stop with the channelling Delia.

It's about the shit behaviour of her husband. Anyone who is focussing on and criticising how she went about cooking it is being the same as him.

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