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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler kicking my seat at theatre

55 replies

RSS24 · 26/12/2024 01:04

Went with my DD14 to our local theatre on Xmas eve. A yearly tradition since my DD was 4, a lovely Xmas themed play.

This time, behind my seat was sat a mum with her toddler DD2 on her lap. In the few minutes before the play started, the toddler was kicking my seat. My hair is long and she managed to kick and drag my hair with her foot along the back of the seat and I yelped ouch and turned around, which was noted by the mum. I thought with this would be the end of the kicking.

However much of the first half of the show (approx 1 hour), the toddler was kicking the back of my seat. I wasn't able to relax, I tied my hair up, and sat forward a little as I was worried that I'd get kicked on the back of my head. I didn't say anything to the mum as I thought she would stop her DD kicking and also didn't want to create a bad atmosphere.

The toddler was rather unsettled in the second half and began to cry quite loudly, lots of unhappy looks from others in the audience, so her mum took her outside and didn't return. I was able to sit back and relax at this point and this made me think maybe I should have said something earlier, asking the mum to stop her toddler kicking my seat. However, in 10 years of going to family Xmas performances at this theatre, I have never experienced this. I could also see this was a mum trying to do something nice on Xmas eve with her toddler DD.

So my AIBU:

YABU: If you wanted the child not to kick your seat you should have said something to the parent.

YANBU: You shouldn't have to ask a parent to stop their toddler kicking your seat, it's the parent's responsibility and normal theatre etiquette.

Genuinely interested to hear what others would have done!

OP posts:
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DowntheDrainpipe · 26/12/2024 22:56

You shouldn’t have to say something but you really should have when it was clear nothing would otherwise happen.

Once, I was in a cinema and a child around 6-7 was repeatedly kicking my seat. It was quite clear what she was doing but the parents did nothing. I turned around, looked the child in the eyes, and said very firmly, ‘you are kicking the back of my seat and it’s not very polite. Please stop. Thank you.’

The child stopped for ages, then started again a little later. This time her parents stopped her.

Original poster
RSS24 · 26/12/2024 22:51

Fortunately my DD and I still enjoyed our Xmas eve outing. I actually would have loved for the mum and toddler to enjoy the show too! I certainly wasn't quietly fuming in my seat. Was kicking myself 😄 afterwards for not saying something.

Agree, if the child had their own seat, they may have managed better. It wasn't a panto. There is another local theatre that does shows specifically for toddlers, where they are free to move around and make some noise.

Mention of my hair dangling into their space has made me laugh! My hair is a few inches below my shoulders (I'm no Rapunzel) and was skimming the top of the back of my seat, in what I assume was my space. The toddler managed to trap and pull my hair as her feet were stretched out in front of her, kicking my seat. I've never thought to tuck my hair in front of my seat in public areas like theatres, cinemas, buses etc before and never had any problem.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and views! Also agree, it would have been good to model making a polite request in this situation to my teenage DD.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 26/12/2024 18:06

I went to see 'A School for Scandal' with a group of student friends when I was at university. There were two girls of about 16 sitting in front of us who were jigging about, giggling, and whispering and generally being annoying. My friend solemnly intoned 'Please respect the play' at them. They turned around and were so disconcerted at being told off by a 19 year old punk with spiky hair that they were silent for the rest of the performance.

KilkennyCats · 26/12/2024 17:57

Winter2020 · 26/12/2024 01:16

I was going on holiday once when my son was a toddler and the lady in front turned around very pissed off and hissed at me to stop my toddler kicking her seat. I was mortified as I hadn't noticed (his little legs didn't really hang down more straight across) but I just wished she had let me know straight away before she had got really pissed off.

Your lady in the theatre has obviously had to abandon the show as her child wasn't coping so I would assume that she had a shit evening if that helps at all. You should have told her straight away.

Why exactly would knowing the other woman had a shit evening help op?

EllieRosesMammy · 26/12/2024 17:55

I went to a concert recently and there was a lad, aged about 16/17, sat behind me who was so obnoxious and kept knocking his knee off my seat. How I didn't knock him out is beyond me as I'm 9 months pregnant😅 there was a child sat infront of us, aged about 6, who behaved excellently.

Littlemisscapable · 26/12/2024 17:50

TheClawDecides · 26/12/2024 15:14

They shouldn't but you know 'words' and all that.

Not sure why you'd leap to 'she might make a big fuss'.

Even if she did, that's when you have a word with a member of staff.

No-one has said a stranger 'should have to point out that your child was annoying someone in such an obvious way.

But come on, we're all adults and we should all be setting a good example to our children of how to communicate verbally.

Show quote history

What ?

scatters2004 · 26/12/2024 17:45

Nobody wants a confrontation at a theatre, and i get that.
The other mother must have known her child was kicking the chair, she could have sorted it but she turned a blind eye.
Sorry you had a miserable time, hope it's better next time.

TheClawDecides · 26/12/2024 15:14

Littlemisscapable · 26/12/2024 15:08

This. If she is so tone deaf she doesn't actually notice despite it being brought to her attention already I would be thinking she might make a big fuss and this theatre experience is going to get even worse. Why on earth should a stranger have to point out to you that your child is annoying someone in such an obvious way..

Show quote history

They shouldn't but you know 'words' and all that.

Not sure why you'd leap to 'she might make a big fuss'.

Even if she did, that's when you have a word with a member of staff.

No-one has said a stranger 'should have to point out that your child was annoying someone in such an obvious way.

But come on, we're all adults and we should all be setting a good example to our children of how to communicate verbally.

Justploddingonandon · 26/12/2024 15:09

I'm guessing this was panto as toddlers aren't usually allowed at full length shows. If so, a lot of the normal etiquette doesn't apply and I wouldn't expect the child to be totally silent, but I'd still have said something about kicking the seat.

Littlemisscapable · 26/12/2024 15:08

ThisIsSockward · 26/12/2024 01:35

There's a reason many on MN (and elsewhere in the world) hesitate to speak up: People in general are less considerate than they once were, and they can be quite aggressive when confronted with even a polite, reasonable request.

This woman knew her child was kicking the seat, but she chose to do nothing to prevent it. Sometimes it doesn't feel worth the risk to ask for consideration, especially when it should be so obvious.

This. If she is so tone deaf she doesn't actually notice despite it being brought to her attention already I would be thinking she might make a big fuss and this theatre experience is going to get even worse. Why on earth should a stranger have to point out to you that your child is annoying someone in such an obvious way..

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/12/2024 15:08

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/12/2024 14:10

Yeah, agree with others - you shouldn’t have to ask but increasingly these days parents do nothing that might upset their child and rely on everyone else just putting up with it. Others are even worse and get aggro with you for having the temerity to not to love everything their child does.

I was kicked in the head by a toddler at a theatre performance a few years ago, he’d been kicking my seat occasionally but then lifted his legs up and got me right in the ear. I reacted with a pain reaction then turned around and asked mum to make him stop and she sneered at me, “fuck off, he’s only 3.”

Most parents aren’t that bad but I do find that most are ineffectual and can’t seem to stop their kids doing whatever they like. I don’t visit the theatre as much as I used to, unless it’s for something 10 years and up or whatever.

Did you then go to the staff?

She should have been thrown out for that.

AngryLikeHades · 26/12/2024 15:00

@fitzwilliamdarcy that's awful!!!! The fact that she swore at you was disgusting!

TriangleLight · 26/12/2024 14:36

I would have told the child to stop kicking my seat 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pottedpalm · 26/12/2024 14:35

TheClawDecides · 26/12/2024 01:27

"Excuse me, can you stop your toddler kicking my chair please?"

That ^^ is such a normal, basic level of communication that SO MANY women on Mumsnet seem to have alarming difficulty with.

I wonder if it's years and years of internet/texting/emailing or something that's stopped people verbally communicating normal things?

It's sadly becoming so common.

I agree.

Flossflower · 26/12/2024 14:21

I am amazed that the toddler did not have their own seat. It makes it really difficult trying to see if you are behind someone with a child on their lap. A lot of theatres have a minimum age and require everyone to have a seat. Keep your hair your side of the chair.

Screamingabdabz · 26/12/2024 14:16

If the mother is one of those dumb gormless types that aren’t going to stop the toddler kicking a seat she’s not going to be effective if you ask her either.

Why can’t people just parent and be considerate of others ffs. It’s such a small thing to say to your child ‘don’t keep kicking the lady’s chair darling’.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/12/2024 14:10

Yeah, agree with others - you shouldn’t have to ask but increasingly these days parents do nothing that might upset their child and rely on everyone else just putting up with it. Others are even worse and get aggro with you for having the temerity to not to love everything their child does.

I was kicked in the head by a toddler at a theatre performance a few years ago, he’d been kicking my seat occasionally but then lifted his legs up and got me right in the ear. I reacted with a pain reaction then turned around and asked mum to make him stop and she sneered at me, “fuck off, he’s only 3.”

Most parents aren’t that bad but I do find that most are ineffectual and can’t seem to stop their kids doing whatever they like. I don’t visit the theatre as much as I used to, unless it’s for something 10 years and up or whatever.

AxolotlEars · 26/12/2024 14:09

useitorlose · 26/12/2024 05:12

I would ask, and if the problem persisted and was impacting my enjoyment of the experience I have paid for, I would ask the staff to intervene.

Definitely this

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/12/2024 13:41

Yanbu. You shouldn't have to buta number of parents don't do the job required these days

Pumpkincozynights · 26/12/2024 13:40

Terrible parenting from this mother.
It is very difficult to cope with an unruly toddler.
Reminds me of travelling on a plane years ago with another family.
One of my friends had an older child repeatedly kick his seat. His wife politely asked the parents to control their child and stop it from kicking her husband’s seat. She was told that they couldn’t control the child!
Hence several hours of this child constantly kicking my friend’s seat, with him having to lean forward for the entire journey!

SavingTheBestTillLast · 26/12/2024 13:35

I’m going for both
YABU and YANBU

A parent should respect others and stop their kid disrupting something
but equally
If a kid is kicking your seat its OK to ask for that to stop

I wouldn’t have put up with that at all and would have said something straight away and persisted.

ButterCrackers · 26/12/2024 13:32

I’d have reported this to the theatre staff. The seat kicking child and parent should have been made to leave.

TheClawDecides · 26/12/2024 13:31

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2024 13:16

YABU: If you wanted the child not to kick your seat you should have said something to the parent.
YANBU: You shouldn't have to ask a parent to stop their toddler kicking your seat, it's the parent's responsibility and normal theatre etiquette.

Both! You shouldn't HAVE to task - but also, if the parent is fuckwitted enough to allow their child to kick the seat in front, you SHOULD have turned round and told them so. Loudly.

Exactly.

And maybe the mother really wanted to tap the OP and apologise and reassure her she'll do her best, but she's yet another Mumsnetter who can't bring herself to communicate with others?

What's good for one is probably good for another.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2024 13:16

YABU: If you wanted the child not to kick your seat you should have said something to the parent.
YANBU: You shouldn't have to ask a parent to stop their toddler kicking your seat, it's the parent's responsibility and normal theatre etiquette.

Both! You shouldn't HAVE to task - but also, if the parent is fuckwitted enough to allow their child to kick the seat in front, you SHOULD have turned round and told them so. Loudly.

HoppingPavlova · 26/12/2024 11:01

Well, two things that give me airplane rage. The person in front putting their hair over the back of the seat so you have Cousin It encroaching on your space, and a child kicking the back of the chair. All you are missing is the seat recline and you would have had a plane trifecta with this story.

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