Dishonesty / lies / small print

I don't know about OP's posting history or MH, but I disagree with the idea that she is overreacting.

It doesn't matter what the topic is. It doesn't matter that it's re his parents, who she previously encouraged. Come on, it's deeper than that.

Whatever the topic it's about trust, lying, being transparent, open honest and communicating. Or lying by omission. That does matter. Whatever the issue.

It does depend on what happened in the past with his family.

Your reaction isn’t normal OP.
It’s his family. He doesn’t need to tell you when he’s taking a step to see his parents for 1hr- something you recommended he do. He likely didn’t know his sister was going to be there.

Your perception seems strange. He hasn’t lied or been dishonest. He hasn’t been sneaky or sly. No wonder he can’t think of a response, he’s likely completeky blindsided by your strange reaction.

If the pp is correct, I think you do need to contact your therapist. Your thoughts are bordering on paranoia and it’s not something that should cause you to be crying in your room or even upset to start with.

I don't think anybody has the right to tell somebody they can't have contact with their family, or control what that looks like. Your comment about his sister suggests you wouldn't have been ok for him to see her; which I don't think is acceptable.

What you can do is say you (and potentially your kids depending on the history and issues) will have no contact with his family. And he should respect that.

It's impossible to tell from your post really whether he didn't tell you because he was worried about how you would you react. Only you can reflect and know on that. Occasionally I don't tell the full truth because the reaction will be so unpleasant and extreme it is easier to lie - weak of course but not all the fault there is mine. Reflect on that in your case.

OP, I looked up your posting history to see if there was any more background on the family fallout, and I saw your other recent thread re. your recent mental health struggles.

I think you need to seek professional help, ASAP, and probably not seek advice on AIBU (which isn't exactly the most gentle of places).

Take some positive steps to look after yourself.

Why did you fall out

So two years ago it would have been OK, but not now? You've given us no information, let alone full context, about why you cut contact four years ago, so it's very difficult to judge who if anyone is BU. They are his family after all.

You say there's no need for secrets and being sly, but it seems likely there's a reason why he saw them without telling you.

First of all stop with the texting and have a proper conversation! It was obviously a very big step for him to take and sometimes, rightly or wrongly, you just need to do things without telling anyone which adds to the stress.