Told my friend to drop him

"I promise I'll do my best not to laugh" so basically he's saying it will be hard not to laugh at her being fat but he'll do his best.

Yeah that comment would put me right off as well. Red flag

What was her response to this? Maybe they just banter between them selves? Maybe a bit tasteless though. What if she puts weight back on? Would he laugh at her then? It's hard without knowing the context. Also I get that she may not of been comfortable at that weight, but honestly I don't think being 12 stone gives a reason to be mocked. It's hardly 30 stone is it.

If she likes him (and he likes her) and he generally seems to be a decent bloke, all she should have said was ‘only if I can see your fat pics too !’

No drama.

Wow! Does your husband also treat you like shit? And are you okay with that?

You must not have any (good) friends if they would not say anything if they see you acting like a doormat.

It is?
50kg = 7st 12 and 59kg = 9st 4
I'm 5'3 and have always been between those weights as an adult.

I agree with others that other people's "banter" out of context is difficult to assess.

Yeah, you're being way too black and white. Plenty of decent guys on online dating. And sounds like he's aware that he can't actually laugh and doesn't intend to. You've missed all of the subtlety in this.

She uses the dating apps. She’s lovely and deserves a good man. I told her none of them are from there.

Did you have any suggestions for where she can find a good man, then? A relative of mine is a similar age, single, and feeling very down about it. Other family members tell her the apps are no good (without any experience of them themselves, and without her having tried to meet anyone from them yet) and she deserves better. That is all well and good in principle - I get that they and you are just looking out for your loved one - but these days they really do seem to be the main way to meet people. It is really hard if you completely rule them out.

I think you should have put the actual quote in your OP. The added sentence makes a difference. It sounds more as if he knows people may laugh or may have laughed at his before and after photos so he knows what it’s like or that she might be reluctant to share them.

Also I know loads of couples who have met online dating so I wouldn’t tell her to come off them.

I don't think his comment was that bad. Probably just joking about. Remember, men view weight differently to women and are not so emotional about it.

"Told my friend to drop him"

You realise your friend is an adult? You don't sound protective. You sound over-bearing and over-involved. Back off.

Yes the bloke sounds like a dick, but why do you think you're entitled to tell her what she should and shouldn't be doing?

It totally depends on what’s been said between them with regards to their weight loss journey.
As long as she didn’t take it to be offensive then I don’t see a problem.

OP I agree with you, he sounds immature. "I promise not to laugh" Wtf.

I also agree that the dating pool is a cesspool and it's hard to find someone without red flags. Just be there for your friend and make sure she's being wary.

I think context is very important here.

Out of the blue it would be a weird message but if they've been bantering about their weight loss journeys it could be a completely normal continuation of the conversation.

It may make me raise my eyebrows a bit but I don't think it's a major red flag and wouldn't be offering my opinion to a friend about it unless they specifically asked me.

Banter between couples often sounds inane when repeated to other people. I wouldn't read a whole lot into his comment. Sounds like two people getting to know each other. I think you should butt out and keep your negative opinions to yourself.

I think since they both used to be overweight, it might be a bonding tool.

“I would have 4 takeaways each week 🤣🙈”

”haha, well I’ve burned just about all of the evidence of my fat days, I look giant in all the photos so they’re never coming out!”

And so on.

I think context is always important in these kind of posts.

BMI might be healthy, but my mum is 5 ft 1, and 7 stone and she is a bag of bones. It's not healthy even if a BMI says it is.

Are you speaking from experience when you say there are no good men on online dating apps?

I found my partner on an app and have never been happier after four years together so I absolutely disagree with that. Even saying there are very few good men on there is super negative and not really the case.

That's not a great comment that he made but if he used to be big and lost weight then it might just be a joke that hasn't come across well. It's not your place to tell her that this means he's not the one.

You don't sound like a supportive friend at all - honestly, I just wouldn't share anything with you if I was your friend.

My partner and I met on online dating. We were both super fat before we met and shared our before pictures. It was something we bonded over as we both understand the struggle - we both struggled with eating disorders too. I dont understand what the upset is at all. It's not red flaggy to share before pictures or ask for them, especially when you're both in the same boat and getting to know each other and explore your compatibility, I don't see how it is.

Maybe you are feeling shame on behalf of your friend for having used to be fat, which is kind of a you problem. Not a him or her problem.

Also have no idea what the back and forth about weight is for either. 50kg and even less is fine for some shorter women, they don't even have to be "very short".

50-50kg is not 7.5-9 stone.

the OP said her friend was "approx 50 something kg"

extrapolating, could mean anything from 50-59kg, hence my figures.

It's in the healthy BMI for someone 5' 3" which isn't that short. It just goes into underweight for 5' 2".

Don’t know where you got 9 stone from, I never said 9 stone is unhealthy. But yes, 7.5 is underweight (unless very short as I already said)

so an adult woman is unhealthy when she weighs between 7.5 & 9 stone?

ridiculous! 😂

She’s an adult. Let her make her own choices.