Annoyed that friend just told us to be punctual for dinner

Oh I’m sorry!!! I didn’t realise this one was a zombie

apologies

Ok but I think people have moved on from this thread by now...

So worth knowing when posting on this one 😆

Because this op is very recognisable for thread after thread after thread about perceived injustices from people

Why have you randomly resurrected a thread from last year?!

Is this the friend I find that she has become too complicated and Im losing interest and I dont know if IABU.

Given this update, it's probably not out of nowhere. My friends who are habitually late would swear it's only a few minutes. It's not.

i can’t believe you’re annoyed by this.

where would mumsnet be without OP with skin so thin as to be almost transparent

I bet the tension will be palpable at this dinner party!! Sounds fun. Enjoy Op!

I feel we live in an age of extreme social sensitivity and it is ruining friendships. Asking someone to be on time because you are serving a meal, or because they have been late before or because you just want to make expectations clear is quite innocuous behaviour. Ok the phrasing may have been too blunt, but bloody hell it is no wonder everyone is so lonely and socially isolated if this kind of message requires an internet analysis to decode. Please be less thin-skinned and more confident in your friendships. I have seen so many people fall out over this kind of nothing in recent years and it is a shift in our culture that is not to be welcomed. Perhaps a result of hair-trigger social media 'offence' combined with a lack of broadly understood etiquette has got us here?

This is the kind of thing I would say to a good friend, along the lines of "see you at 3pm pls don't be late we NEED time for proper chats before dinner" if this were a really good friend I may only message pls don't be late, the rest is inferred that I am really looking forward to catching up properly especially given how busy lives are with work and kids etc. Just a different perspective for you

My husband is Latino. He swings between being early / on time / having no idea what time it is / being on time but forgetting something so ending up very late.

i can’t believe you’re annoyed by this.

hows her English ? Maybe her intention is about maximising time together but she’s used words that you’ve taken in a very English way.

or maybe she’s trying to be less Latino and she’s trying to say she’s putting effort into getting ready on time.

also - are you sure she’s Latina if she’s cooking turkey??!?!!!

either way. Stop being so focused on this and go and have a nice time.

It's not a big deal. I wouldn't give it any other thought other than I need to make sure I'm on time.

I honestly don't see anything wrong in that

I would just see it as her confirming that she wants you to come at the start time, not a bit later, because she wants to spend time with you. Not a dig or an insult. Often a plan will be made and people will come later, at 'around' the time, so sounds like she was just clarifying.

She's probably very tired. And just wants time with you.

It's so scheduled with kids.
Life's too short. Friends are important.

If someone clarified please be punctualnwoth me, I'd assume it meant that was the exact time they wanted me tp attend rather than saying it was a ball park time.

I'm Latin nor is anyone I know but I always arrive 10-20 mins after an invited time because I want to give people a bit longer just in case they've been delayed or had a hiccup along the way.

But that's because I know that, if I invite someone round for 3, the likelihood is I'll still be finishing things off at 2.55 and I'm always slightly relieved when people are a few minutes late.

OP, o think you can file this under 'everyone else is not the same as me' and not think about it any further.

To be honest, if someone who is always late sent me a message to ask me to be punctual it would get my back up. It would feel like they're saying that their time is more important than mine.

I'd probably get over it quite quickly though.

You are being really oversensitive . She is just being clear that she wants punctuality not chilled open house timings which are fine for many people.

If it’s a turkey dinner situation, timings etc are probably important? We had 4 people turn up an hour late for Christmas lunch yesterday- it is a pain keeping everything warm whilst making sure the veg doesn’t go soggy etc etc.

So you both usually have an informal attitude to timing, so for this invite she is saying she would like a specific start time.

Accept gracefully, arrive by 3, have a lovely time.

It’s a request not a criticism

You seem to be annoyed at your friend for a lot and looking for even more excuses to feel slighted.

You wanted to invite people and host, but she's gone ahead and done it herself.

Then you're wanting to try a recipe at her meal - I get that you're offering to bring something but the way you've worded it is ike you're still holding a grudge that you're not getting to host.

Then being offended that she says to be punctual so she can spend more time with you, it makes sense so be clear on a day that is busy.

I think if you are given a time to turn up you don't turn up 30mins later than that time in fact you turn up at the alotted time. I really dislike people always being late w hen you give a time. There is no excuse for it and I find it very rude to be treated so casual.
I see your upset but I would turn up on time and then ask her why if she is late to yours all the time, she asked you to be punctual.

"hahaha that's rich coming from you who is always late! Good one."

I have a friend who is (well was, barely talk now) routinely late for everything. I'm not talking about a few minutes. I mean an hour or three. And it was beyond irritating at times. I wouldn't be upset at her comment. I'm sure you don't behave that way, but unfortunately some people do.