Anyone else feel like an absolute slave today...Christmas day

No I didn’t feel like you and I’m sorry that you did

Firstly - am not boasting and i’m not being smug - but we had a lovely day as we worked together as a team,

In our house we play to our skill sets - so yes I did nearly all the wrapping (except he wrapped up my presents) decorating , card writing , buying stocking bits . I made the Christmas cake as I like baking.

he ordered, shopped and did all the prep and cooked all the food drink and nibbles . He bought the ‘big’ presents for the kids.

together we tidied up and cleaned a bit before Christmas

Christmas day just flowed beautifully as we work as a team and have no drama or stress as we help each other. I offered to help him cook but he prefers to do it alone so I kept on top of all the rubbish from presents going into the recycling and helped the kids to take some of their bits they received up to their rooms etc so you aren’t tripping over piles of thingsin the front room.

I even had an hour nap in mid afternoon as I was really fatigued (chronic pain issues) - he didn’t mind as he knew that a rest would give me second wind for the afternoon and evening board games etc.

It shouldn’t be 1 person doing everything - even the kids pitched in and helped a bit with tidying up the wrapping paper and the eldest teen took the dog for a walk for us late afternoon.

hope you can find a way to share the workload out more in the future - as it’s possible for Christmas to be really lovely and stress free when everyone in the household contributes towards making it a special day.

it’s not one person’s job to run around after everyone else and it’s so nice when everyone pulls together to make it a great day.

My DH cooks the whole Christmas lunch, has done for our entire marriage. I set the table, tidy up the mess from the presents, help the kids get their new stuff unpackaged/put together, and keep them entertained and out of Dad’s way while he creates his yearly masterpiece. Occasionally he’ll call me into the kitchen to assist with something, but other than that, I get a more relaxed Christmas than many women do and I’m thankful for that.

OP, start thinking about what you want your next Christmas to look like. If it’s just you and the kids, then it will still be loads of work, but probably far more joyful for you all. You now have a year to make this happen, if it’s what you want. Good luck.

Next year, choose what you want to eat. Take every possible short cut. Use disposable trays etc for veg if you still want a roast.

reusable gift bags instead of wrapping paper.

Get kids to help.

Time to make a change. January is busy for divorce lawyers but you can make a start.

Normal partners do it together!! They don't 'help'.

Agree! I find it ridiculous that will all the modem day slavery and trafficking to the same end people are making references to this. I never hear anybody who states how offensive people are. Also, being concerned about what is happening now. I wonder is they are aware that they will be judged as much from future generations.

As for the OP your husband is very disrespectful and shouldn’t behave like that. You shouldn’t be expected to do everything yourself. You are the only one who can change that. Start by teaching your kids not to take you for granted since they are little. Plus, just reflect if you deserve a husband like that. Is he always this macho man expecting the wife to do everything? Is he is the only one working and bringing money to feels wrongly entitled to be served?

Yes but I am a lone parent so expected, still feel resentful about it though I was genuinely wondering earlier how any single parent actually enjoy Christmas just cooking and cleaning all day relentless

No I cooked
Dh washed pots.
Had a great day.
Tomorrow out for lunch.

I always wonder what those who constantly lecture others about the evils of the British Empire (which I acknowledge, but can't do much about now), are doing to protest about, fight against and eradicate modern slavery, which is a massive problem today, in the UK and all over the world, but doesn't get nearly as much attention.
However, this is completely irrelevant to this thread, but would be an interesting subject for another time/place.

Yup, it’s been full on the last few weeks and especially since 7am or so and I’m only just going to bed. But….and it’s a huge but, my DH has had my back the whole time. I couldn’t have done it all without him, and he couldn’t have done it without me.

Edited to add: my 16 year old son has also contributed to the running of the day. He’s needed prompted at times, but he’s learning so that in the future he’s not the dickhead lying on the sofa!

Why do you put up with behaviour like this

You settled op, he would have shown this lazy ungrateful behaviour in the past. You deserve better but none of us can tell you to leave, you will realise in your own time.

Ridiculous comment

My work colleague has just ejected her lazy husband and she's much better for it. Some men never progress from wanting mothers and nurse maids. They are big fat man babies. Get rid!

We've been married 25 years and my lovely husband bought me wonderful, thoughtful Christmas gifts, wrapped them himself. We shared the planning and buying of ds's main presents and he bought his own individual gift for ds. He then prepped, cooked and served the entire Christmas dinner before taking my mum home. I washed up, we tidied round a bit then we relaxed together this evening watching Christmas tv.

Oh FF's sake!

Just leave.
Next year's Christmas will be lovely. I promise.

Forgot to add he cleans the house Xmas eve before the guests arrive whilst I'm doing food prep for Xmas day.

So bathrooms, fresh bedding, hoovering/dusting etc

To answer your question...do I ask DH to help?

No, I don't.

We host the wider family and over the years we have just settled on roles that play to our strengths and broadly share the load.

So we both put up the decorations. We wrap our respective family presents. I do the food shopping and cooking, he buys all the drinks and is responsible for keeping people topped up (booze and non booze options). He is also designated bin man for all the wrapping paper 😂.

When the children were still young, he and grandparents would entertain them whilst I'm cooking and later put them to bed with a story whilst I put my feet up after cooking.

He then does dishwasher duty after the meal and any washing up after I've done the cooking.

Boxing Day I get a cup of tea in bed and he will cook a full Scottish breakfast for the family staying over. I will dishwasher/wash that up.

I simply wouldn't put up with him expecting me to slave all day, nor would he expect me to do so and vice versa.

I honestly don't understand why so many women put up with behaviour like this, especially when they are so bloody ungrateful and grumpy on top of being selfish pricks.

You deserve better OP.

Why are you with him?! Get rid in the hopes of a better Christmas next year.

Yep. Made brunch. Cleaned up, cooked late lunch for 18 people. Then everyone left and I had a mountain of dishes and all the leftovers to put away.
i asked dh to put the potatoes in our 2nd oven and he said yeh ok but I just want to relax then 🙄🙄. He then got the potatoes out and put them straight onto the table on the very obviously plastic Xmas table cloth. Destroyed the table cloth, the ceramic tray and some of the varnish on the table.

he did not at one point during the entire day ask if he could do anything to help out and actually said several times he just wanted to ‘kick back and relax’. He also didn’t get me a single gift. I’m going out today to buy myself some new sheets and doona at the sales.

My DH is the total opposite of this: hardworking, good at housework, does washing, cooking, washing up, car cleaning, general housework, financial stuff... he's a gem. I'm sure I'd probably fall apart a bit if it was just me. And obviously he's a good dad to the 3 DC.

He lived on his own for 18 years so he became pretty self sufficient. Get your useless partner to live on his own for 18 weeks/months and he'll soon shape up lol 😆 Or, just LTB 😅

Idiot.

That's crap, tell him he's cooking dinner next year.
It's been the opposite here, DH always does all the cooking whilst I fall asleep in front of the telly stuffing my face with chocolates 😁
In my defence though I do do all the washing and tidying up.

I don't understand why you wouldn't tell him to get off his lazy arse and help with the cooking/clearing up/putting kids to bed? I just wouldn't do it all. If he refuses to do his fair share I would definitely LTB.