MIL makes everything into a grand gesture

I would make it clear to DH this isn’t going to be a yearly tradition. It would be different if mil wasn’t annoying, but DH must realise that with the speeches etc she sounds ridiculous!!! I would also interrupt the film alone time and make it clear she isn’t reliving her tradition with your child it’s just weird!

Yeah I wouldn't allow this. My mum started out obsessed with always getting my kids alone, it's turned into an utter headache over the years as the demands increase and she's never happy.

I wouldn’t even have her over every year.

It's so she can demand to do it every year alone. I would ignore the huffing and just do what you want. If she's starting this kind of nonsense at 6 months I'm sure she'll be adding additional nonsense over the years so best to hold boundaries early. It isn't a tradition anyway, it's a film she watched with her son. She's trying to enforce a new tradition that hasn't started and doesn't have to.

You need someone to laugh with about this. She means no harm but this behaviour is a bit bonkers.

What I would find the most annoying is that you said no to her watching a movie with your DD alone and she then went behind your back and talked to your DH to get her way.

I agree with PP it sounds like she wants to be a star of the show.

I would stay my ground on watching TV alone with DD. And I would expect your DH to back you on this.

She doesn't need to close herself in a room with your 6 months old DD to watch a movie, especially when you offered for all of you to watch together.

What did she say in her speech?!

@PrincessFairyWren - thanks for your post, saved me writing an essay! Absolutely nailed it.

she keeps saying how she wants to start a tradition of giving us money towards the food when she and FIL come and stay at Christmas (they’re presuming they’ll be coming every year but that’s another conversation!)

Sounds like she’s trying to be clever by trying to make it an unchangeable fact that you and DH will host them every year.

Don’t fall for it. Make other plans for Christmas next year that do not include them.

Do not get stuck into this rut. She sounds obnoxious and unbearable.

Time to tell your DH that you were and are upset that his mother isn't hearing what you're saying - so '"tradition" or not, your child doesn't sit down and watch television like other kids so her trying to make this a thing isn't going to work as you know your child better than she does.
Why does her 'upset' trump yours???

Not everything has to be a "tradition".

Actually, if you can find it, I'd be tempted to sit MiL down to watch "Fiddler on the Roof" (at least the opening number which surprisingly is called "Tradition" 😆) and then leave the room to go off to start making a snack or something and keep popping back but only for short times.

@CynicalSunni your reply made me laugh because I wonder if we have the same MIL. Everything is the same”daddy this”, the “aunty Jo that”. She actually spent months digging up a photo of a very distant relative to prove my son got one of his features from their side of the family. A feature he very clearly shares with a much closer relative - ME! 😂

My mother in law does this too!
Anytime my baby does any normal baby behaviour she attributes it to her side of the family. Even announces it as oh its the 'insert family name' clap. All babies do that.

Apparently nothimg comes fron my side. Haha am like i used to stick my tongue out too

This was a terribly kind post, and I thought very well of you whilst reading.

she keeps saying how she wants to start a tradition of giving us money towards the food when she and FIL come and stay at Christmas (they’re presuming they’ll be coming every year but that’s another conversation!

I would be saying, ‘thanks for the contribution for the booze-that’s great. I’m not sure about tradition though-I don’t want to host Christmas and everyone for a week from now until the dawn of time-I think I’ll want a year off/away next year!’

BUT, you need to get DH on board here as I suspect your MIL will cry/sulk and DH will reassure her that of course you will host them for a week at Xmas until they die.

Do you have a DH problem?

When she talks about the ‘tradition’, ask more about it. ‘So, did DH’s gran used to watch the film with you and then when he was born, watch it with him? How does the tradition work exactly? I thought it was a mother/child thing?’

Where is she expecting the rest of the family to sit during this ‘film hostage’ situation?

I find people with main character syndrome the most annoyingly boring people. I'd find it hard to stomach it too.

These are very wise words. My SIL is similarly irritating. It used to press all my buttons when we met up with siblings and spouses ( husband is one of 5). I decided to just sit back and observe and just let it flow over me. It's harder when it's MIL but the same principle applies. One day all these things will be gone and you will be able to laugh with your children about the time when granny did x y z.

Every time she says 'tradition' say 'that's a lovely gesture, thank you, now I'm putting the kettle on/off to bleed a radiator/need the loo/any other boring task' and take yourself off and don't let her take over.

My father was a bit like this, making a huge drama, performance and grand gesture out of pretty minor things. In his case, it was so that he could imagine we had this fabulous, perfect, TV sitcom-esque family dynamic where we all have such wonderful experiences together, without having to actually work on relationships or do anuthing about the fact that our dynamic was in fact abusive and toxic. It was also part of a wider picture of wanting to control everybody, have final say over every narrative and massage his self image (like a PP said, main character syndrome).

Might not be the case with your MIL, but that was it for him. When you're prioritising performative perfection over the actual reality of daily life, something is amiss somewhere.

Set some boundaries, clear ones.

My MIL is like this - she is unable to do anything without making it about her. For example, she did some colouring once for about half an hour with DS1 and this has turned into 'I taught him to write' and she mentions it any time he does well at something (we've stopped sharing that sort of info). Slightly tangential, but this was at DS2's christening, and she refused to talk to my family and just sulked and pretended to teach DS1 writing the entire time.

In her case (and, I suspect, most cases of poor boundaries and vicarious credit-taking), I suspect she is autistic has had developed some shit coping mechanisms, so it presents as a cluster B personality disorder. Needless to say, we see PILs rarely.

I'd never invite someone to stay and then expect a contribution to it. That being said, she obviously has main character syndrome.

We have ‘one of them’ in our family - they expect you to do a million things that are not a bit important to my DH - as ‘it’s tradition’ in their family??????

Am usually more than happy to go along with any of them that DH wants to do as it’s nice to keep a tradition going if it’s meaningful to him - but he doesn’t give a shiny shit about most of these so called ‘traditions’ and as long as he gets some Cadbury buttons and an orange in his stocking he is happy as that is the one tradition from his childhood that he really remembers and keeps up both for him and now our kids!!!!

interestingly ‘Mrs tradition’ sees no relevance and has no interest in keeping up any of my family traditions - ie in my family we always had 1 small present we were allowed to open on Christmas Eve. There is a very significant and beautiful reason behind this and she knows it - but sheis totally scornful of this and loudly declares that everyone should wait until Christmas Day to open presents - totally pissing on my family traditions…

It sounds like your MIL is trying to keep something going that matters to her - but is borderline obsessive about it and frankly a bit much! These people obsessed with ‘traditions’ seem only to see the world from their standpoint and have no respect that others might do it differently.

you have your own family and your own traditions will evolve - don’t let her bully you into keeping up her things - she had her time when hers were younger - it’s your time now to make or combine your own traditions within your family with your child and husband.

I would definitely make sure I was in and out of the living room/not creeping around in my own home for the whole movie thing. I’d tidy up around them etc. 😁

But I wouldn’t because it wouldn’t happen in the first place.

What does she say during her dinner speeches?

Im assuming she isn't expecting you all to go out somewhere while she watches her film? I'd refuse that, but also I'd be damned if I had to sit in the kitchen for an hour+ while she is "alone" with your baby.

In the meantime you need to have a calm chat with your DH about him enabling his DM. If you're unhappy about something he needs to be backing you up.

My MIL is a bit like this. She brought my son a toy for his birthday that was similar to a toy my husband used to play with. She is constantly going on about how my son does just what his dad used to do, except he doesnt. It’s forced. He does it because she literally sits there and makes him do it. When he play with the toy on his own he never uses it in that way. Lots of stuff like that. Harmless but very annoying.

but it didn’t stop her anyway as she banged on her glass to make one later when we were all in the living room!
Oh, I love this 🤣Surely it was to thank her hosts though?