MIL makes everything into a grand gesture

Well ,that's not seeking another thanks, it's just wondering if you'd bought yourself anything yet.

Well in my case, it is my own dm. Her latest was messaging me asking what I was buying with the £20 she had given me for Christmas. I had thanked her on Christmas day for her card and money, i know she was seeking more acknowledgement, and didn't feel it needed mentioned again.
I gave her a lot of gifts for Christmas and spend a lot because dm also buys for the dcs, and gave dh £20 too. She said thank you on Christmas day for her gifts which was great; she was really pleased with them. I haven't mentioned it again since, by would I? Why dm feels the need to mention money or gifts she gets again and again I don't know, but it drives me nuts!

Oh I've gone past the frothing over such silly behaviour now. My menopause must be settling down or something 😆I now accept these various characters in my family for who they are, roll my eyes a bit at DH behind their backs, and have a little joke about them in the other room, don't pay their annoying bits any attention/brush them off/change the subject and defininitely do not pander to anything you are really unhappy about.

😂

The next time she does something that requires even the tiniest thank-you, get her one of those enormous cards. Let showing your appreciation be an even grander gesture.

If have to be more sarcastic, like “oh yes like the tradition I have with Asda, every time I go shopping I pay at the till” 🙄

Just a typical MN MIL.
Grand gestures and announcements that’s what’s required of a MN MIL, they’re all the same.

She sounds like hard work and I wouldn't have the patience for it , I'm not known for biting my tongue and if my OH went against what I'd said he would be going home with his parents

This is all very hostile - why not just accept her ideas a bit, thank her for giving a bit of money towards the festivities, we often go to my partners grown up children’s homes for meals and stuff and never offer money- so she wants to start a little tradition with her grandchild? Who does it hurt, nobody and maybe when your darling dc is 5 and full of Christmas energy you’ll be glad to say to them it’s time for your tradition film !
life’s about give and take and yeah sometimes it’s more giving and accepting the quirks but it does no harm - let her have her moments !!

OP suggested them all watching the film together but her MIL has told OP to leave the house so that she can 'carry on' the tradition of watching this film with her 6 month old grand-daughter. Her tradition was actually watching it with her own child, so this isn't actually carrying on a tradition at all. It is making a new one to exclude OP from something that she wants to do with her own daughter in her own house.

Prime main character syndrome.

My BIL also suffers from it, and it's infuriating. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a "WOO! Look at me!" statement about something relating to himself.

Most annoying though is when, in a brief lull in conversation, he'll quietly pipe up with something a bit outrageous to get a reaction. But it's always something that makes him look like superman, like, "I just reached my 500th hour of volunteer hours at work for this year, literally the day the office closed for the holiday..." Or, "I travelled first class to Belfast for a 10 minute visit to see a friend in hospital..." He'll always let his sentence trail off in a "oh, shucks, little old me?!" kind of way.

Then he'll look around to see who is giving him the "Wow! What a hero!" smile of admiration, or better still a, "tell us more!"

Fortunately, Dsis has heard all these tales before, and the rest of the family just pretend we haven't heard him.

We’ve had a similar experience so I sympathise with you OP, and the PPs with main character MILs.

‘Bringing a showstopper’ to your meal? Taking toddlers to age inappropriate ‘fancy restaurants’? Giving polite and solid reasons why it won’t go as perfectly she imagines only results in being accused of being ungrateful.

It helped me when I realised it was rooted in insecurity. That helped me reframe my thinking and lessen the irritation. A little!

As the kids get older they have clocked her behaviour independently and sweetly or cheekily challenged it.

I also agree, three days max. for visitors, and you’re a hero for managing a week with a baby.

I'd let her be upset, she won't bother coming next time. Problem solved.

I am really sorry OP. Queen Bee (MIL) has been trying to position herself on the family throne! Don't let her get too comfortable or there will be no shifting her!!! Take control and treat her like a baby a little.."sit down dear. it's ok leave it to us young ones,you rest" take away her power and you will be ok. Alternatively send her home with a goodie bag cos you know how tiring it can be with dealing with baby!! Kill her with faux kindness,get shut of her and be unavailable in the years going forward regarding Christmas plans!
I too have one of these and she gets 2 hrs of my time, do I feel guilty? Absolutely not one iota!

I just want to know what the film is!

But it sounds really annoying. I had a grandmother who firmly positioned herself as the Family Matriarch and everyone had to re-organise themselves into fitting her vision of herself. Or suffer for it.

I also hate the family comparisons - my maternal side had 2 sisters who married 2 brothers and another sister who married a cousin a few generations back so everyone is interrelated in a number of ways. Everything is 'Oh you have inherited the HeadChef hair. The HeadChef interest in rollerskating.. The HeadChef arthritis' etc. It drives me crazy, It sounds trivial I fully appreciate, but it's all the little annoyances that in the end make you want to kill something (The HeadChef homicidal tendancies' perhaps).

I understand the wanting recognition thing. I gave Christmas money to my three nephews yesterday. They are rude and never look up from their phones. I knew if I gave them their cards with money in whilst we were on our own, I wouldn’t get so much of a grunt of thanks. So yeah, I waited till all the family were there and said ‘Oh boys, I’ve got something for you!’ In a loud voice. Yeah I do want recognition for giving the best part of a hundred quid to three ungrateful nearly adults.

My MIL gives shit presents every year, but I gush about how wonderful they are and oooh aren’t we lucky to get a scarf from Asda! How wonderful Jean! Ooh I shall wear this on the school run! Inside I’m thinking ‘that’ll be on Vinted by News Years Day.’ It’s just keeping the peace.

I would be saying, ‘thanks for the contribution for the booze-that’s great. I’m not sure about tradition though-I don’t want to host Christmas and everyone for a week from now until the dawn of time-I think I’ll want a year off/away next year!’

Brilliant suggestion from @Shinyandnew1

this is how im picturing your MIL

a speech at xmas dinner... ffs does she think she is the queen?

My parents and my in-laws often stay for a week or more at a time. I wouldn't dream of asking them for money towards the food; nor would any of my friends with theirs.
I can't believe how much hate and distain you have for your PIL who are trying to have a relationship with their GC!
No your GD won't remember watching the film with her GM this year or for a few years - but in years to come it'll definitely become a thing that she remembers. Me and my GM always watched "The Snowman". Me and my Mum always watch "It's a wonderful life" Me and my kids always watch "Mickey's once upon a Christmas" My mum and kids watch "twice upon a Christmas"

Because that's who she is, a flawed human being with some traits that will irritate you, which I'm sure is the case in reverse. But unless you want to cause upset and tension or put your DH in an uncomfortable position by constant moaning about someone he loves, you roll your eyes and keep your powder dry. Because these things are something and nothing. She's contributing to the food. She's amusing DD for you for a couple of hours. You can choose to focus on the positives or choose to allow yourself to be irritated by her annoying ways. But one leads to a more pleasant and relaxed experience than the other. You will also be taken more seriously if there are any big issues than you will if you complain about the little things.

😂😂😂 hilarious that she wants to watch a movie with a six month old baby

And also banging on the table to make a speech

Suggest you go there next year for two nights or so?

I think a one week stay was too long - limit guests to 3 days. Anyone will bug you after that.

Sounds like you have a bit of a DH problem.

You really need to stand up for yourself and so what if MIL gets the hump?

Definitely plan to do something completely different next Christmas.

I would have fun with this! Your traditional Dancing with fruit time with DD where noone is allowed in the living room. And this is your traditional bottle moment (with speech!). And at 1 you have the annual December 29th naptime, and they should all remain silent, contemplating the value of her naps, while DD sleeps... you get the idea...

My MIL loves to do this! He even holds hands like my OH apparently.... I held back the vomit.