Did my parents buy too much for DC?

It sounds like a lot of those presents are really thoughtful and helping you out as a family. It sounds like your dh is feeling jealous and insecure. I think a solution might have been to not wrap up the bike helmet and coat and just have those things as ordinary everyday purchases. Your ds is a bit young to have so many gifts and it sets you up for stress of having to keep up the volume of gifts for many years to come.

My husband and I brought loads for our Gs 2.5 and Gs 1.5., none of the gifts were brought with any intentions of overshadowing anyone else’s presents. We don’t see it as a competition and have been told for eldest Gs’s birthday his parents are getting him a bike he really wants. All presents for them were brought with love by everyone within people’s budget.

I don't think it's too much, and in fact, it all sounds really lovely to me.

Doesn't sound excessive to me. DH probably feels inadequate but he is being a little bit precious about it all. It's honestly not how much they get but that the child is humble about the receiving.

DH's parents have helped us out financially a few times (long term loans pay back what you can per month kind of thing) however send one or two presents for the kids at Christmas. They do however have six grandchildren to buy for. Whereas my side of the family I'm the eldest in my generation (17 cousins) and only two of us have kids. As a result mine do get a little more spoilt but there are many more family members and they all like to buy something even at my protest.

What does your DH expect to happen if you agree with him? You can’t expect the grandparents to agree a budget or number of gifts.

So basically you want everyone to work to the lowest common denominator? Because one set of grandparents don’t buy as much neither can the other?

how about just being grateful the child has people in his life who care for him and want to buy him presents. Even better when the presents being purchased are practical ones!

I definitely don't think little kids care about clothes and see them as more of a gift for the parents, ie saves parents buying winter jacket.

I think the reason DGPs give them as gifts is to avoid awkwardness around giving something to help parents out without them feeling like a charity case.

It’s not like it’s an excessive amount of toys, can’t imagine any 3 year old getting excited about receiving clothes unless it’s latest football strip/fairy princess outfit. Why bother giving coat etc as presents to unwrap, it sets a precedent for amount of gifts, could have just been bought to help you out.

That’s just crazy. It’s very common for grandparents to give money for bank accounts. I’m sorry but there’s no way I’d deny my kids a helping hand for stuff when they’re older because of his weird ideas. He needs to get over it.

I get why he's upset, as it means your family dominates Christmas morning and it does undermine what his parents chose. Also maybe do your parents buy things throughout the year? Getting a lot of gifts can feel quite heavy if it's not what you're used to or not the culture in your family.

I would say toy-wise it's not excessive, but clothes-wise it is. Maybe just better for those things not to be presented as Christmas gifts.

It's probably good to agree expectations now while DS is very young, before he does start to notice any big discrepancies.

No my MIL bought my son a lot more than that and made him a Christmas Eve box. It’s up to them what they gift their grand children. Donate some of it to the charity shop if you don’t want your child to have it all.

I wouldn’t consider clothes a present, unless it’s a branded item that’s requested by a teenager as a fashion statement.

Coat, jumper etc aren’t going to have any interested for a toddler.

I don't think it matters that some grandparents spend more than others. And I certainly don't know how to approach it.

We have it the opposite way round to the Op the ILs spend more than my parents. But both take the same approach to Christmas and birthday and spend exactly the same on each family member. Although have recently started buying a gift and money for the difference.

I don't think i could say to the ils to reduce spending on my family when they want to keep things equal between their kids and DGC.

Nor can I say to my mum to match their spending

You just accept that both have different budgets for Christmas and Birthday.

I kind of sympathise with you both.

My parents have 12 grandkids, my in-laws have 7.

Both ask for ideas for children, I given ideas for both which cost £30-£50 a head.

I think it’s really important to keep it equal for the kids…. Well actually for GPs as the the kids really don’t keep a tally (aged 12 and 9 boys).

My parents came into a little bit of unexpected money as an inheritance this year; my uncle died with no partner or children. Rather than ostentatiously wrap gifts my dad sent me a quiet bank transfer for £1000 asking me to use it for whatever the boys needed, saying ‘Merry Christmas’, they decided to split the money they received between myself and my 3 other siblings.

My in-laws didn’t sent the boys a gift because my mother in law is quite recently and very disabled, my father in law is her carer and under immense pressure. They have money (lots of) but I know that they wouldn’t have had the mental bandwidth to think about buying gifts etc… we aren’t seeing them this holiday period as we live 600miles away and have each had NHS shifts over the period. To preserve both the children’s and his parents Christmas spirit we bought and wrapped a gift from them, to the same value as my parents…

I can understand your husbands feelings. I think your parents and you might consider being more mindful, but of course we don’t know the intricacies of families.

DH and I have 1DGC and it would never occur to us to even consider what his other grandparents give them for Christmas or birthdays. We are always keen to lighten DD and her DP’s load so asked what ‘big’ gift DGC would like- a Tonie box and characters. We also got a few outfits, some pyjamas and vests, a couple of toys, a book and a bath toy.

This, clothes and bike helmets are really a gift for the parents save you having to buy them.
Op enjoy your parents generosity and don't stress about it

Really the fleece, long sleeve tops and coat after nut a parent to A3 year old, it's lovely of them and definitely helps you but A3 year old isn't going to necessarily view what as a present, so what we're really talking about is a jigsaw, a small play set, a bike helmet you asked them for and a hamster ball toy (we got one of those for our cat last Christmas they're really not expensive). It really doesn't seem excessive to me

Sounds like a lot to me but then I never knew my own grandparents and my parents gave one gift to each grandchild which was fine. They don't have to be equal between grandparents- his shouldn't feel bad giving less and neither should yours if they want to give what they do. But it does seem like a lot - it's about what I would get my kids. Though most kids don't think clothing counts!

If it was that many toys yes, but it wasn’t it was a load of useful stuff at a time it’s way to handover loads and help you out. It’s lovely. Will get expensive if they end up with half a dozen grandkids though.

That sounds perfectly fine to me - and similar to what my parents would spend on my DC. Most sound Iike practical things that you'd need anyway, so always helpful. My DC got a big bag full of things each from my parents today, and £20.00 each plus some choc treats from my FIL. All equally appreciated. FIL definitely couldn't afford to give more, particularly with having 10 grandchildren, and my parents are well off, but I value each of their gifts equally.

Yes @Mamofteenager I’m at the point in life where if someone wants to give me or my children something that isn’t tat, I’ll gratefully accept it. Life is expensive so any decent gifts are welcome! 😂

A younger friend told me recently that her Dad has offered to buy them a new washing machine, but her DH doesn’t want to accept it as he thinks they should provide for themselves. I advised them to accept the gift, it’ll give her Dad pleasure to help them out and he can afford it so that’s not an issue.

My parents are in a position to spoil my DC and take pleasure in treating them. I personally don't see any harm in it all and appreciate that they also do this to help us out rather than try to trump us in gifts etc. if it comes from a good place and intentions then I would let them

Is there.a back story here. Did your parents know what his parents were buying? Do they have a record of being a bit show offie? Is he a bit upset because his parents didn't show the same amount of "love" that yours did...he shouldn't take it out on you but...?

You might not even notice your parents behaviour...my wife's sister is the golden child. So if we buy anything mil will always say "do you think Doris would like one of those" meaning she ill buy her what we had to pay for ourselves. She even paid off Doris mortgage. When fil was alive they gave her a new car dw got £1k to "make it fair" yet dw took all this as being normal, as she is conditioned to that being the usual way of things.