Did my parents buy too much for DC?

Sounds ok to me, not at all excessive.

My parents spend approx £200 each per child (3) + 4 adults. About 10 presents each.

ILs £50, but there is 11 grandchildren, plus 8 adults. This year the kids got 1 present something they wanted and the balance in cash.

I think each family does it their way and dh needs to learn that. In our family we do £15 gifts for everyone. My sister's in laws are v different and just buy for the kids, usually spend around £50 and give cash too (they are loaded!). I think my patents at one point felt a bit bad but actually my niece loves (prefers!) Christmas with our family and loves our family. Dh needs to be secure about what his parents give to his kids overall, maybe it's certain values, like hard work or responsibility or listening well, empathy, compassion. Family is not just about presents.

As most people have said, clothes don't count. If anything they were gifts to you and DH, saving you money.

And yes, he's the one that spoiled Christmas, not them.

He’s maybe feeling embarrassed by the discrepancy between the two sets? Growing up I had one set of grandparents who had 11 grandkids and another who had 2 (me and my brother), I was aware of the financial situations of both also and as a teen mentioned things I loved that I knew weren’t expensive and affordable for both. Both sets always got us gifts we loved based on what they could afford. I didn’t care that there was a difference in what they spent, I loved them all and still use some of those gifts today (over 10 years after my last grandparent died). If you bring your kids up properly, they won’t care if one set buys them a car and the other car mats, they’ll love and appreciate what they receive because the giver has put thought into the gift, not because of what it is.

I think DH upsetting you over something so trivial (and more sounds like insecurity if he’s the one bringing it up) is more a killer of Christmas joy than grandparents buying thoughtful and handy gifts tbh…

I have 3 DGC, girls 17 & 8 (siblings) and boy 13.
17 year old had more presents physically than the other 2 but they were all stocking fillers as she has her driving test in January and has asked for money towards car insurance but I am not giving her it until she has passed her test.
The other 2 had about £150 each spent on them but only two presents + 2 stocking fillers.
17 year old had 8 stocking fillers but they were small car accessories and make up bits. (She got a car for her birthday)

Doesnt sound excessive to me at all. Your DH is maybe a little jealous or embarrassed that his own parents dont spend that much. At the end of the day its not your parents problem, and they shouldnt have to diminish what they buy for everyone elses sake.
My mum goes way overboard at Christmas. She probably got 3x what yours did. It does annoy me abit because we dont have alot of space and they really dont need all that. But im still grateful for her wanting to spoil them.
What I tend to do is put away half the stuff and save it for a later date. So they can play with x amount of presents for a few weeks / months, then we will have a switch up and il get the rest out. Stops them from getting overwhelmed and not knowing what to play with, they just have a few things out and when they seem to have outplayed it then il change it over. Its exciting for them to get new toys again.

That doesn’t seem an excessive amount. As long as they treat all of their DGC equally, they can spend as they please.

MIL has been know to buy DS loads of stuff, and other DGC very little, or given a token amount of money as an obvious afterthought, DH is her golden child. That was excruciating, and I did ask her to buy less on our DS, as clearly I couldn’t ask her to spend more on them.

Your husband is odd ! What your parents bought doesn’t sound that much, I actually bought my niece more than that.

He sounds very petty and pathetic, surely he should be grateful there is family involved and buying stuff your son needs.

My PiL gave my children a £10 note each. They’re not short of money, they spend spend spend and give hundreds to animal shelters every month. Your husband should be grateful your parents aren’t tight arses like my husband’s parents are with our kids

Your DH needs to look at himself and make changes or he risks ruining gifts for everyone in the family in future. It is a perfectly normal amount of gifts and giving to a savings account is also a normal thing for families to do.

Once Christmas has passed, perhaps it would be good to talk to him about it.

How do you tell the Ops parents not to gift so much without sounding very ungrateful?

How do you propose the grandparents keep things equal within their family, keeping the young children the same? Give it a few years kids talk to each other? What did you get from Granny?

Op and her DH need to accept the families have very different budgets. And you know what sometimes you can make use of that when you see a need for a new biggish ticket item but the kid wants some plastic tat!

If it's causing tension then it's just as well to discuss it now, hopefully everyone involved is mature enough to handle it.
There's a difference between financial help and excessive gifting. If grandparents want to help with costs that's lovely, on the other hand over-gifting can feel very intrusive.

In this case it doesn't sound like that's the way it's intended, most people don't want to upset others, so open communication now is probably a good plan.

I think there’s an amount of jealousy of the care my parents show. He has a more fractured relationship

@Christmasgrumpster Ah, this is similar to my friend whose husband won’t accept the washing machine. He’s from a more fractured and less well-off family so he don’t like accepting anything either.

But what they fail to realize is that it genuinely gives grandparents pleasure to treat their children and grandchildren. They’re not being patronizing nor implying that you can’t provide for yourselves, they want to treat you!

Not even remotely excessive. Your husband just doesn’t want your parents to outshine his own which is very childish considering your child won’t even be aware.

You cannot say that.
We have no idea what their financial situation is, eyeballs in debt, threat of redundancy or little pension.

Or maybe they just don't believe in Christmas and choose to give more at Birthdays.

Either way nobody can comment on how much or little someone gifts ever.

My late parents would buy DC coats and clothing mostly just as a nice gift help out for us rather than at Christmas. I don't think what your parents have bought is too much at all

I think your parents got it just right.

Your DH is ruining the 'specialness' of Cheistmas all by himself.

I don't think his parents bought enough. Kids don't want clothes for Christmas!

Not at all! - My GP's used to buy double the amount my parents bought. My dad sometimes raised an eyebrow at it but we obviously loved it! Lost my nan this year at almost 99 years old and look back on those Christmas memories with fondness.

Your husband is a twit.

those useful gifts don’t sound excessive at all
(assuming the hamster is a toy, not a real one?)

That sounds fine, you got a few items of clothing which means less for you to pay for and a couple of items that you needed so again saving your money for something else.

MIL always spends more on our DC than my DM (PIL made good money/pension choices whereas my DM was on her own and has no private pension). Nobody notices or cares.

Your DH isn't complaining about his gift then?