Family always leave me out at Christmas…

Sympathise OP my mum is the same and we aren’t a blended family. She has always preferred my sister and favours her. Her excuse for not inviting us is that we live further away, but yet she still hasn’t invited us or given us the option to travel.
My advice is to curate the best Christmas possible without your family. I used to find this sad many years ago but now I absolutely love our fun xmases filled with friends and activities. I don’t miss my family at all.

I hope you are ok today @CoolMoose . I really can sympathise. The people who act like this aren’t worth your time or effort. I’ve had to keep telling myself the same yesterday and today. It hurts but it highlights those who do care and I’m trying to focus on them not the idiots who think it’s ok to treat family like rubbish ❤️

I’m sorry OP, I hope you had a nice day with your husband and children.

Im afraid it probably is because because you’re the eldest and it’s your stepdad. I have this with my father, my parents divorced and he went on to have two more children. I got pushed further and further away until I was told I was only an obligation, not family. That was ten years ago and in some ways it was very freeing. But I’m still lying in bed on Boxing Day morning, almost 40, feeling sorry for myself because my father has no interest in me.

You can control this relationship now. You know how they have - repeatedly - treated you. You are under no obligation to treat them better than they have treated you.

This is cold, cruel behaviour and I’m disgusted on your behalf

You don’t deserve this and you certainly have t caused them to act in such a way - this is about them and who they are

Couod you reach out to one of your sisters perhaps?

I often wonder who the 2% etc are that would say such a poster is bu? And feel sorry for their families/friends.

I agree with all the PPs saying to go low or no contact with them.

Something that stuck out to me in your first post was about you phoning them all today before your sister phoned you back - firstly, none of them reached out to you first to wish you a merry Christmas, so I guess you always initiate touch with them all and also, I suspect it was discussed how to approach saying they were all together and your sister was deemed the one with the best relationship to break the news to you. It all tells me that they are all in on this and I think it would be best for you to focus on your family with your DH and DC.

(I mean no point talking to them about it- not that there’s no point talking on MN).

I’d also excuse yourself from NYD. No point talking about this though, you’ve told them how you feel before and nothing has changed. Time to look after yourself and your immediate family.

I’d message that you won’t be going to theirs on New Years Day

Then radio silence.

Don’t block them on anything, just don’t initiate any conversation then if they do get in touch treat them like everything they say is probably not true as their dementia is taking hold
Afterall, telling one invitee to Christmas Day that they are only doing NYD but then going ahead with Christmas Day for everyone else is surely a bit more than forgetful

However I doubt you will hear from them again

Just make sure that you aren’t the one that they have earmarked out as the child who will be looking after them in their old age
Whilst they let their golden children live their lives and inherit everything.

I agree with this.

I'm so sorry you're being left out.

That's really nasty, especially how they lied.
You deserve so much better!

WHY haven't you confronted your Mum about it????? I abso-fucking-lutely would be wanting an answer to precisely why it's ok for one DD but not the other. Put her on the spot! Don't enable her by being a 'good little girl' and sweeping it under the rug

You might find this thread helpful, OP. Plenty of very challenging family dynamics, and how to navigate them:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/5178966-october-2024-but-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

This is awful and it would make me go no contact. U deserve better than this. Ur family are dicks, and I wouldn't go back even if they wanted.
Start making ur own traditions for Xmas. Rise above this, you are better than this. Teach ur kids they are important to you and no one else
Matters, this is a reflection on them and not u.
I hope the rest of ur Xmas is better. Makes New Year's resolution to put yourself first. Don't let anyone else knock u down.

Ask your mother directly, alone, to her face, so you can gauge her reaction.
Is she allowing discrimination between her children, because of who the father is?
Did you have issues accepting him in the family at first? Or any troubles over the teenage years with him?
Are you in contact with your father and his family? Are they assuming you spend Christmas with him/ his side? Did you use to spend Christmas at your father's growing up?

It’s also worth noting that you are serving a purpose to the group, by being ostracised, it makes the others feel ‘chosen’ they are also aware of what happens when you step our if line. Thus keeping them all exactly where your parents want them. It’s awful manipulative behaviour but you can’t change them. They will gas light you and say it is you.

Try to go low contact, stop making arrangements or asking them for their time and love. It is demeaning. Choose to organise your life with those that love you. If your siblings care, they will form an individual bond with you - but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

You need to adjust your expectations and match their energy. For your own sake. I'd cancel new year and have some space. It's not fair and you don't deserve it but expecting your family to make an effort is leaving you perpetually disappointed. Invest your time in those who deserve it.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in my mums head and other mums that do the same. For me I think my mum wants to forget or distance herself from that time in her life (she was shitty to me growing up) and in her mind has now created this ‘perfect’ new family.

This is such nasty behaviour, even if your step dad doesn't see you and your children as family your mum most definitely should.
I have been through the same situation myself and told them all to go fuck themselves, it's been 12 years now no contact and I'm glad. I wasn't about to teach my son that he's the poor relation that deserves less than the children he saw as his cousins. It was hard but I know I did the right thing. Your mum in particular is disgusting to go along with this shit. Sorry op, I know how hurtful it is. Make your own family Christmas traditions going forward and only allow the family that show they genuinely care into your children's lives from now on.

Honestly OP in your shoes I'd tell them all that this was the last straw, you will not be visiting nor communicating with any of them in the Future nor do you want to hear any attempts to justify their exclusion of you. Because there is none.

It's particularly shitty of your "mother" to treat you so markedly differently from her other children. What a cold bitch.

You have your family - your DH and your children, plus friends. You don't need the other bastards, truly.

Make the change for 2025. Don't allow them to hurt you ever, ever again.

This is incredibly cruel of them and is intentionally done to be hurtful. My husbands mother is the same. It has taken him years of counselling to realise that he is not the problem at all - and that it is them that is missing out.

I'm so sorry that this is how they've treated you at Xmas OP. From someone who has been through the same, just taking a whilst to process it hurts, be kind to yourself.

This is why. What a pair of shitters.

You obviously feel very resentful this favouritism. Don't go at NY. Tell them all to fo.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’m not the biological child of my stepdad and my younger sisters are.

What a shower. Call it out and don't go New Years

Your stepdad preferring his other children may be understandable, although awful behaviour.

But why is your mother going along with it. Surely as her firstborn you should count just as much as her other children. Her behaviour towards you is despicable.

So, OP as you have tried to explain to them how their exclusion of you in family activities deeply hurts you and they have continued to do so, you need to walk away from them. Let the golden children deal with them in their old age.

Focus on your yourself and partner and children and go no contact. It'll be hard to do, but better than feeling constantly worthless due to their actions in not giving you a thought and not including you in things.