To be disappointed in adult son...

58 replies

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 16:45

He is single, no children. It was just me & him from him being 8. My parents helped a lot with childcare when he was young.
This year he's spending Christmas with his dad in a different part of the country - Absolutely no problem with this. I transferred some money into his bank account from my mum as she wouldn't be seeing him on Christmas Day, and it would seem this year there is no Christmas present or card from him to his grandma.
Other Christmas Days when he's come to see us there has always been a present for her.
He has not mentioned anything about visiting over Xmas and new year, so I'm just a bit disappointed and puzzled. I plan to text him when he gets home after New Year and say "I'm not sure what's happened to Grandma's Xmas present, but it hasn't arrived"

OP posts:

endingintiers · 25/12/2024 17:24

Of course it’s passive aggressive. If you want to know if your son has sent your mum a present, ask him. Your message would only be sent in a non-passive aggressive way if you knew he had sent it, to let him know it hadn’t arrived. You’re also giving him a get out clause to blame the post.

Ask him if he sent one, if not, let him know it’s upset you.

MiraculousLadybug · 25/12/2024 17:23

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 17:16

@MumChp ...as above, wasn't necessarily passive aggressive.. he would normally post her birthday present, so would have thought he'd have posted an Xmas present as he wasn't going to see her.

Well if it's not passive aggressive and you genuinely think there's any possibility at all that he might have posted a gift that got lost in the post then YABVU to "be disappointed in adult son" and write your entire opener without mentioning that possibility at all. C'mon OP. Be honest with yourself. It's a PA text and you know it is. If you're regularly PA with him maybe that's why he's avoiding you?

Original poster

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 17:16

@MumChp ...as above, wasn't necessarily passive aggressive.. he would normally post her birthday present, so would have thought he'd have posted an Xmas present as he wasn't going to see her.

OP posts:

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/12/2024 17:15

Just tell him to treat your mother better.

Original poster

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 17:14

@buckeejit ... he's 30... absolutely no issues with him not being married or having kids. He's got a good group of friends, has a good job.
I always had to work Xmas when he was growing up.. I'm not particularly Christmasy, but always have Xmas day lunch with my mum, and get her something she has asked for as a present. I never usually get a card or present - we agreed a while ago to do birthdays, but not Christmas, but he knows my mum enjoys Christmas...
The text wasn't automatically passive aggressive, he does usually post her birthday present, so would've thought he'd have posted an Xmas present

OP posts:

MumChp · 25/12/2024 17:13

Why this passive aggressive attitude? If you have something to say say it.

SensibleSigma · 25/12/2024 17:09

buckeejit · 25/12/2024 17:07

What age is he? I can understand your disappointment but many adult men don't bother, just look at the amount of active threads where dh did fa for Christmas- presumably you're not disappoint that he's not married & had no children? Or is that something to do with no wife to make the effort on his behalf?

I wouldn't bother being passive aggressive about it. Just say you're disappointed he didn't get in touch with his gm. Did you get a card or gift or call?

I read it as having no other responsibilities. No distractions.

buckeejit · 25/12/2024 17:07

I wouldn't bother being passive aggressive about it. Just say you're disappointed he didn't get in touch with his gm. Did you get a card or gift or call?

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