Looking for ADHD Support and Advice – What Works for You?

I could have written the exact same original post. I have two kids and am in my mid forties and I really struggle with structure and routine. I feel so bad that my bad habits are being passed down to them - especially the elder who I think might also have adhd.

Chuckling here 🤣🤣🤣🙈

The one thing that's helped me build consistent habits is to tie something into a good feeling.

For example, in my 20s I was shockingly bad at removing make up before bed. Like many people with adhd I can get burnt out so during a burnt-out period, I made removing make up my action of self-care, self-compassion.

It became a quiet moment of tlc and pampering that I came to look forward to every night. It was calming and i felt an immediate reward of 'look I'm successfully doing something normal people do!'

Now it's one of my favourite moments of the day and I cannot bear to get into bed with my make up on. My skin is much less dry too.

Reducing new habits to the lowest common denominator also works for me. So I still don't always complete a full facial routine every night, I go through periods of applying serum/eye cream etc, but by reducing it to removing my make up with a moisturising cleanser every night, I've covered the basics in a way that is manageable and it's something I've maintained consistently for years now.

Once the new habit in its smallest form is embedded in, I build on it.

Like many with adhd, while I thrive in chaos I need routine so building small routines for myself is how I survive. I put my keys in the same place every day, somewhere it feels natural to drop them rather than where someone neurotypical might leave them.

I don't beat myself up anymore for forgetting something or breaking a habit. I accept that there will be times when I will do so and just start again- I've realised that it's not "starting again" but "continuing the habit".

Reframing it this way has stopped me giving up on habits when I've fallen off the wagon.

when i say 'routine' its very loose, lol.. i just have a habit of using between breakfast and lunch to do 'stuff' in as i'm post coffee and more likely to get it done than if i set aside time in the afternoons.

Haha, tell me you have ADHD without telling me etc.

I leave things in online baskets for while to make sure I actually need or want them.

I do this, too. I also make liberal use of amazon wish lists and when I find something I want to buy (when do I not?) I save it to a wish list instead.

Go back and look at the wish lists and most of its crap or unnecessary. It also helps when I think I've found a bargain I'd be a fool not to take advantage of.

The amount of money this has saved me is insane.

This is a great post so place marking.
I have a cleaner, an enabler and a quarterly declutter service (physical disability too)
I really fall down with tech stuff like apps etc, I put a lot of money into smart home features but when my WiFi provider changed I never found the motivation to set it all up again.
reminders don’t work for me so I’m always late or miss stuff altogether.
flooded the house numerous times, spent over a grand on locksmiths, went to work this morning (late) only to realise that I’m not meant to be at work until 2nd January.
the club should have been the empty office and lack or response to emails…
I lose count of the times I’ve upset my kids and I’m sure my symptoms have caused them no end of stress and anxiety over the years.
no clean uniform, accidentally giving new school shoes to charity, missing their crucial appointments etc, it’s a mare.
I am medicated but forget my meds regularly and forget my hrt so I’m all over the place

I find routine and ADHD at odds with each other a lot of the time, so lots of room for choice helps me.

I have a rough list in my mind of things that basically always need doing - loading, hanging or folding laundry; sorting through outgrown clothes; finding toys that need a new home/to be binned; adding to the online shopping order; preparing part of/the next meal.

If I'm at a loose end I pick one of those and do it.

The bottom of the stairs technique is useful.

+1 for lots of outsourcing as your budget allows.

I've got some ideas that work (sometimes!) for me!

1. No wardrobes or cupboards for clothes. have heavy duty clothes racks with a shelf on the bottom. Three boxes on the shelf, for pjs/socks/underwear. This stops me emptying everything out when I'm looking for something, stops messy drawers, and makes putting laundry away easier.

1. Sweepy app - cleaning. It's got all rooms in the house, with the jobs broken down tjay need doing. I also add my self care tasks eg order meds, collect meds. And my admin tasks are on there.

1. I don't buy more than 2 fresh meals when I do the online shop. This stops the huge amounts of food waste.

1. Online shopping - spend less as don't get overwhelmed and buy loads of crap/lidl middle aisle/buy stuff that doesn't make a meal

1. Money Helper Budget Tool. I have my budget on there, and try to stick to that. Allows to put money away for car repairs/christmas/school uniforms. I have separate accounts for each - if I didn't do this I would just see savings and spend without thinking about what I need it for.

1. Slightly overpay the energy bill so that there's a buffer.

1. Have stacked laundry bins for dirty - white, dark, towels/bedding etc and they are labelled so family can sort

1. Stacked laundry bins for clean laundry-. Clean washing from airer/tumble goes straight into each person's laundry bin. No piles of clean washing dumped everywhere.

1. Container for all the socks - if anyone can be arsed to pair them they can. If not, grab what you need!

10. Before I buy anything online, leave it in the basket for at least 24 hrs. So I don't sit and buy crap I don't need in the evenings when I'm bored.

That's all I can think of at the moment, these help but life is still chaos and clutter!

Ignore me I just read the rest of your post 🤣

Please can you share which ones you buy?

How to Keep House While Drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organising eBook : Davis, KC: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

this ^

Routine/habit
Coffee
Body doubling
fly lady.

@Ihavenoclu there are such great suggestions on here. I am in awe of those of you who have implemented things and stuck to them. I suppose the payoff is seeing the improvement when they work. I have a tendency to get stuck on the best way to set things up, best being completely subjective, it then paralyses me and I abandon the project/idea.

I too would be interested to hear about app that really make a difference. The Reminders app on my iPhone isn't enough as I just dismiss it. Would love something that makes an irritating noise and so could set different ones to remind me about different tasks to help establish a routine.

I useTile trackers on my keys, diary, wallet, handbag, and headphones to keep track of them
We also use a great deal of these.

I have individual training sessions so I need to turn up and exercise.

I use auto pay for all possible bills.

I read library books virtually so that they get returned automatically.

I leave things in online baskets for while to make sure I actually need or want them.

We often use meal planning boxes and find they tend to save money as they cut down on impulse purchases.

Everything having a place in the house is also useful.

I am waiting assessment for adhd.

I struggle with food organisation and cooking and house order.

I am hoping drugs will help.

My main thing is I need to change job so I am less overwhlemed/exhausted but that in itself is overwhelming 😭

Noise cancelling headphones (and fun things to listen to when doing boring stuff).

I'm another big fan of The Organised Mum Method - I subscribe to the Tom Rocks service, where she narrates me through various boring chores AND I can work out in advance how long they will take!

I pretty much stopped masking, which gave me lots more energy. My entire office (and, I suspect, a really high proportion of my workplace in general) is ND so it has worked out quite well.

Exercise is good. But it has to be fun, and also feel a teeny bit extreme. I used to do CrossFit - now that I'm old and fat I do wild swimming.

I book a day off work every three months to do all the paperwork tasks I've put off, and also book a treat at the end as a reward.

I useTile trackers on my keys, diary, wallet, handbag, and headphones to keep track of them.

I keep a bag of huel and a shaker in my office for days when I forget lunch. When I had to wear smart shoes for work, I also used to keep an old pair at work so I could get to work on time if I couldn't find my shoes.

I but multiples of things like reading glasses, lip balms etc and have them in every room, bag and coat pocket.

I used pastel highlighters when taking notes.

I write down timed routines for morning, leaving the house, leaving work, coming home from work and going to bed. I used an app called "routinery". It will then time me from my starting point and if I over-run, it lets me take time off another task to keep myself on time.

I try to meet friends at locations where there is something to while waiting so that I can be early, and they don't get too annoyed if I'm late.

I also have timed and planned routines for common social events, and try to make plans that fit into those timed routines, so I know that if I want to be at the cinema for 7 I should start leaving at ten past six, or that if I want to be at a particular bar at 9 pm, I need to leave at 8.40. it saves me from having to do all the calculations from scratch and forgetting things because I'm so focused on the timings.

If I get stuck sitting down and can't move, I've taught my family to recognise the signs. They can then tell me in a firm, commanding voice to be stand up. I can follow a simple instruction, do I stand up and that sort of resets me so I can do the things I want to do.

If I'm travelling by train or plane, I will ask for help with connections and platforms. A friend who struggles more that I do books passenger assistance for train journeys to make sure she gets on and off the right train at the right station.

I struggle going to bed if I'm too tired, so I go to bed before I get tired and read until I'm sleepy.

For a noisy mind at bedtimes, I have sleep headphones and listen to the Nothing Much Happens sleep podcasts which stop me from fidgeting and having a racing brain.

I still haven't worked out how to do financial stuff, though, so I would really welcome any money-related tips.

How to Thrive with Adult ADHD by Dr James Kustow. This is by far the best book I have ever bought and read. He has adhd and his book makes so much sense. Highly highly recommend

I am undiagnosed but accept ND now and trying to accept impact it has had on my life.
My house is a cluttered tip! I empathise so much.
I am looking at advice here and will try...

I've tried fly -lady and Team Tomm. I currently have a cleaner who also sorts and tidies once a week, so I can ask her to sort out the fridge etc.

I use an app Finch to track self care including basics like bed making and tooth brushing.
I always book my next self-care appointment when in the current one.

I agree with understanding how your brain works and why to reduce the shame element. "ADHD is awesome" is an easy positive read with lots of more in depth recommendations included.

I've accepted that I impulse buy shiny things and have become much more relaxed about decluttering regularly to keep everything under control. Also decluttering special interest items if the interest has passed.

It doesn't help DH also has ADHD and DS. But if not perfect we do okay.

@iamawarriorwhojustcrieseasily in terms of knowledge, which sources do you recommend?

A few Flylady techniques revolutionised housekeeping for me.

5 minute room rescue - which is: set a timer and in 5 mins tidy up the most visible mess in a single room: chuck out rubbish, hang up coats and bags, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, toys in the toy basket etc. When my ADHD was at its worst I'd often find I'd become distracted after about 2 mins and totally forgotten I was supposed to be tidying but because the alarm goes off, you get reminded. If that happened, I'd just reset the alarm just for 2 mins two more times so the only time I had lost to day dreaming was about 3 minutes. I was amazed how much better a room looked after 5 mins. I started to do it often. 5 mins in each room. But by bit. the rooms get and stay tidier.

15 mins to 'company ready' - for this, you imagine someone is turning up in 15 mins. You choose a single room you could invite them into, do a 5 minute room rescue tidy up and a 10 minute hoover or mop; dust and polish, ending with creating a focal point for the eyes like placing a vase of flowers near a lamp or plumping up cushions and draping a throw on the sofa.

The other one is what she used to call weekly home blessing. It is one hour on a Saturday morning, divided into 6 x 10 minute timed slots. Spend 10 mins hoovering the worst bits of carpet you can see that need doing. 10 mins stripping the beds, 10 mins giving the loo a quick scrub and polishing bathroom taps and mirrors, changing towels and bath mats, 10 minutes mopping kitchen floor, 10 mins emptying all rubbish bins, 10 mins putting away laundry.

It's not perfect but by the end of a single hour, you have got on top of some of the major housework. And I found it had a knock on effect. DC would join in and polish the wood work or strip their beds, DH would carry on hoovering where I left off etc so after one hour the house looked and smelled way better and we'd put some lively music on and feel proud of our achievements.

All of these are quick surface fixes, but they are better than no fixes at all, and they massively helped me to keep on top of the mess while DC were young. With a couple of deep cleans every year in late Spring and pre Christmas, it meant the house never got too horrible.